Pulled ds8's arm by accident

cadburyegg · 2023-05-20T18:44:30+00:00

I feel so awful. I was telling ds8 off for being rude among other things and told him to go to time out. At first he came with me willingly holding my hand then dropped to the ground (on purpose, like a toddler would in a tantrum) . I kept hold of his hand but then he started yelling his arm hurt. He kept saying that I pulled his arm and hurt him on purpose. I honestly can't remember if I pulled his arm or not, i just remember him dropping to the floor. I know I should have just let go of his hand straight away. He seems ok now and I have apologised but I feel so guilty and had a cry about it. Ds8 is very sensitive too as it is.

BigBunkers · 20/05/2023 19:53

Fgs you didn’t slap him round the face, he dropped to the floor while you were holding his hand. You might’ve pulled his arm but clearly from your post you didn’t do it on purpose.

Sounds like he knows how to push your buttons…

GingerCoi · 20/05/2023 19:58

No, look, he was misbehaving and he deliberately dropped to the floor to prevent you from leading him to time out. As a result, his arm would have been pulled a bit because you were holding his hand. He does not get to accuse you of hurting him on purpose because he knows that this will push your buttons and probably mean he won't get punished.

I think a stern word on his level. "No, DS, I did not hurt you on purpose and I would never do that. I was holding your hand and you chose to put yourself on the floor. I'm sorry if this meant that you hurt your arm."

You need to make sure that you follow through with consequences for his earlier behaviour.

Don't beat yourself up. You would not be feeling so awful if you had deliberately held onto his hand to hurt him. I am sure you let go as soon as he protested that his arm was hurting. Your DS is old enough to understand that it was his own actions that caused his hurt arm.

NewLeafAgain · 20/05/2023 20:00

If my kid trips when holding my hand I instinctively pull up to stop them hitting the floor, so I'm thinking there's a chance you did the same but he's seeing it a different way. But my first thought is also he's trying to get out of the punishment.
Hope he still went for the time out!

TowerRaven7 · 20/05/2023 20:03

Awww just tell him he dropped to the ground, you didn’t expect it, and he knows you would never knowingly hurt him! It’s all in the tone of your voice “you Know I wouldn’t do that”. He’s being a bit manipulative but just set him straight so he doesn’t think he can get away with it again…I won’t say how I know this ;)

ConsuelaHammock · 20/05/2023 20:04

Even if you did pull it intentionally don’t apologise for being a parent . He was misbehaving . He’s unhurt . Don’t dwell on it and definitely don’t let the wee sod make you cry.

ConsuelaHammock · 20/05/2023 20:04

He’s manipulating you

Topseyt123 · 20/05/2023 20:07

I wouldn't worry at about it and would tell him to stop being such a drama llama.

I'd say he knew exactly what he was doing and was doing it for effect. Don't give him that.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 20/05/2023 20:11

I agree with other that have said your DS sounds like he is manipulating you. He was holding your hand willing and then his action caused the pull. He is now tugging on your emotions to make you feel bad and you've apologised. I don't actually see what you had to apologise for OP. Did he apologise for the tantrum?

SeeYaPals · 20/05/2023 20:26

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MavisMarch · 20/05/2023 20:51

OP you really need to start stepping up here.
Your job as a parent is to do your best to raise a well balanced adult capable of functioning in the world and coping with everything the world throws at them yet feeling comfortable enough to know when they are out if their depth and ask for help. They also need to be able recognise when others need help and learn when they are being taken advantage of.

Ask yourself is getting so upset you cry and second guess yourself teaching him any of this or is it teaching him he can manipulate others to get what he wants by turning an event that should have been a lesson in natural consequences (throw yourself on the floor when someone has hold of you and you will hurt yourself)
into an opportunity to level false accusations and manipulate the situation so that he not only faces no consequences no consequences for his actions but has those who challenge him and what he wants crying and begging forgiveness.

At this age this behaviour will make him unpopular within his peer group. Exhibited in later life they are the actions of someone who gaslights others to get their own way.
Our children will not always like us and parenting is not about making sure they are never hurt. Sometimes we have to show them a seemingly harsh lesson now in order to help them grow into caring well balanced adults ( no I am not talking about physical punishment).

Stop letting him push your buttons. You need to find another way where you don't become so emotional so you can help him to realise over reacting (being sensitive) is really a form of selfishness designed to avoid consequences and teach him to own up to his behaviour and learn and grow from it.

MavisMarch · 20/05/2023 20:53

Apologies for the typo's and repetition of no consequences mobile typing isn't the best format for this board.

Dacadactyl · 20/05/2023 20:58

Dear oh dear, why are you giving yourself a hard time over this?!

Next time he will do as he's told and not drop to the floor.

Heartsnrainbows · 20/05/2023 21:03

He threw himself on the floor not considering that you were holding his hand and his arm got wrenched. Unfortunate but he'll not do it again. Its one of those mistakes you learn from.

Mariposista · 20/05/2023 21:07

Sorry OP but he has pulled the oldest trick in the book. Owwwww mummy you're hurting me, and turning on the waterworks when you were just holding his hand? Stop feeling guilty right now. If he hadn't dropped to the floor like a 2 year old (and let's be honest he weighs a lot more than a 2 year old), he would not have pulled his arm. You hardly grabbed him and yanked him across the room.

aSofaNearYou · 20/05/2023 21:23

GingerCoi · 20/05/2023 19:58

No, look, he was misbehaving and he deliberately dropped to the floor to prevent you from leading him to time out. As a result, his arm would have been pulled a bit because you were holding his hand. He does not get to accuse you of hurting him on purpose because he knows that this will push your buttons and probably mean he won't get punished.

I think a stern word on his level. "No, DS, I did not hurt you on purpose and I would never do that. I was holding your hand and you chose to put yourself on the floor. I'm sorry if this meant that you hurt your arm."

You need to make sure that you follow through with consequences for his earlier behaviour.

Don't beat yourself up. You would not be feeling so awful if you had deliberately held onto his hand to hurt him. I am sure you let go as soon as he protested that his arm was hurting. Your DS is old enough to understand that it was his own actions that caused his hurt arm.

This.

FictionalCharacter · 20/05/2023 21:25

GingerCoi · 20/05/2023 19:58

No, look, he was misbehaving and he deliberately dropped to the floor to prevent you from leading him to time out. As a result, his arm would have been pulled a bit because you were holding his hand. He does not get to accuse you of hurting him on purpose because he knows that this will push your buttons and probably mean he won't get punished.

I think a stern word on his level. "No, DS, I did not hurt you on purpose and I would never do that. I was holding your hand and you chose to put yourself on the floor. I'm sorry if this meant that you hurt your arm."

You need to make sure that you follow through with consequences for his earlier behaviour.

Don't beat yourself up. You would not be feeling so awful if you had deliberately held onto his hand to hurt him. I am sure you let go as soon as he protested that his arm was hurting. Your DS is old enough to understand that it was his own actions that caused his hurt arm.

Yes, all of this. You shouldn't be crying and apologising. What injury do you think he has exactly?
You're the parent, he's the child, he shouldn't be in control of you like this. Imagine what he'll be like at 15 if you let him be like this at 8.

Unicorn2022 · 20/05/2023 21:26

Don't be daft - he's completely playing you! Don't fall for it next time

Original poster

cadburyegg · 20/05/2023 21:30

Thank you for the replies. I agree I need to woman up a bit. i did follow through with the consequences at the time I just doubted myself later on. I didn't cry in front of him btw.

OP posts:

Liorae · 20/05/2023 21:35

He's playing you. Do you often let him get away with this kind of manipulation?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 20/05/2023 21:47

Oldest trick in the book.

Does timeout even still work at 8?

VioletPickles · 20/05/2023 21:49

Time out at age 8 seems an odd choice. Does it usually work?

Mischance · 20/05/2023 21:52

Panic not - I once dislocated my child's elbow whilst swinging them around in a game - gulp. Bit embarrassing really - I was a social worker and my OH a doctor. Oh dear - didn't look good ........

Latenightreader · 20/05/2023 21:58

My 4.5 year old has twice needed a trip to A&E for a pulled elbow (last year and a fortnight ago). On both occasions she had a strop and threw herself down as she pulled away whilst holding my hand and my instinct was to hold tighter. Thankfully it is a quick and easy (if very painful) fix, but goodness I felt terrible the first time. Thinking about it, she has been very good over the last two weeks…

RightWhereYouLeftMe · 20/05/2023 22:12

I know I should have just let go of his hand straight away.

Why? If I was holding my child's hand and they suddenly dropped to the floor I'd instinctively pull up to stop them falling, as my immediate reaction would be to assume they've slipped/tripped. I wouldn't immediately let go, and let them fall.

Obviously you don't want to hurt him, but I wouldn't feel guilty over this.

Oblomov23 · 21/05/2023 04:29

Get a grip. Why are you letting your child manipulate you?