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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DP overreacting after trip

15 replies

Doodoododdledoo · 20/05/2023 19:39

I don’t think it has much relevance but we don’t live together.
It’s been DPs birthday and so I’ve been with him since Wednesday on a little city break away that I organised it’s been lovely but I’m now obviously very tired. DP is a manager within the hospitality industry and so we stopped off at his work for a drink on the way back which was nice but after a while I gave him several queues it was time to go. Unfortunately, I’m having work done at home which means I can’t get back in until morning so will be spending the next few nights at DPs house.

Ive been with Atleast DP at every moment the past few days plus the times we met up with friends for various activities. My social battery is absolutely dead so I have been quiet on the train home but now DP is stressing I’m mad (I’m not) and is taking it to heart saying I’m burnt out. I am!

AIBU that I’m not getting frustrated he can’t understand that being with him every minute for the past 4 days that I’m bound to be quiet and tired?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Doodoododdledoo · 20/05/2023 19:42

Monday morning*

OP posts:

Sissynova · 20/05/2023 19:46

Honestly I think it’s pretty unusual to be this “burnt out” because you spent 4 days with your partner on holiday.

Selfietaker · 20/05/2023 19:47

You're an introvert. Don't apologise for it. He needs to take you as he finds you. This is normal for introverts. You can't change it.

CantFindTheBeat · 20/05/2023 19:47

Do you have fatigue issues, OP?

It's not that usual to be too tired to talk after a trip away.

BlameItOnTheGoose · 20/05/2023 19:48

How long have you two been together? This is a communication issue.

RubberRuck · 20/05/2023 19:49

If you are an introvert who needs solitude to recharge, and he's an extravert who recharges amongst others, he will struggle to understand.

SallyWD · 20/05/2023 19:51

You sound like me. Introverts need quiet time alone to recharge their batteries. I adore my DH but get very run down if if don't have a bit of time alone every day/every couple of days.

Purplefoalfoot · 20/05/2023 19:54

I’m an introvert too so understand. However I never get that burnt out feeling from being with my husband as I can be my complete self in front of him. We travelled the world for 10 months together and didn’t have an hour apart and I never felt that.

Id be questioning whether you guys are suited long term

Mumof4alsoabonus · 20/05/2023 19:54

I’m like you tbh. It’s just a shame you have to return to his house now rather than being able to relax at your own, otherwise this issue probably wouldn’t have been an issue.

Original poster

Doodoododdledoo · 20/05/2023 20:08

I think the suggestions we aren’t suited or have communication issues are a bit extreme! We are actually a very well suited couple😂

I do like socialising but it has been non stop for 4 days. I think most people would find that tiring combined with lots of walking, late nights and early mornings or could just be me!

DP is actually very introverted, I think his anxiety could just be playing up a little that I’m suddenly not very talkative. I’m just bloody exhausted. Finally laying down now after a train journey home

OP posts:

Original poster

Doodoododdledoo · 20/05/2023 20:13

Id be questioning whether you guys are suited long term

I have spent far longer a time with DP but that’s with little trips to the shop or being able to sit in a different room for a little bit which I think is perfectly normal

OP posts:

HerrenaHarridan · 20/05/2023 20:16

One of my partners is like this. 4 days and the shine has worn off

We also don’t live together, funnily enough.

I try not to take it to heart but it does hurt. I accept him as he is though and plan short trips with him for preference. We have an amazing time together when we are together and live our own lives the rest of the time.

I need time to myself too so I get it and willing to tolerate the less than ideal parts for how good the good is.

Tell your partner that you just need downtime. Have a bath, or a walk or make dinner by yourself. Whatever helps ground you.

it’s ok to say you need a minute, stop apologising and just reassure them it is not about fault and don’t make a big deal of it.

Come back and reconnect with them lovingly so they see you’re rested and enjoying their company again. You don’t have to force it

Xrays · 20/05/2023 20:24

I feel like I’ve missed a chunk of your post- what’s he actually said?

Rewis · 20/05/2023 20:46

How did you actually say you need a minute to recharge?

pizzaHeart · 20/05/2023 21:17

Tbh I can’t understand the comments you’ve had very intense few days, hasn’t got enough sleep and now you are tired. I would have thought that it’s normal. I can’t say that I’m introvert but I would be the same.
What exactly he is complaining about? What does he want you to do? He can’t expect you to be hungry, sleepy, tired etc exactly at the same time as him.

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