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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunk people- why am I so anxious?

28 replies

Newbie198 · 20/05/2023 18:23

Just picked up a couple of good friends (literally known all my life) who have been drinking all day, as I knew I’d be passing the pub on my way home from somewhere. Dropped them at a different pub, no problem.

They were so strange! No conversation, didn’t really speak or answer anything I asked, slurring words etc. They’re carrying on into the night.

We’re all different and enjoy different things I get it, but does anyone else feel anxious and a bit weird about people they are really close to not really being anything like themselves when drunk? These are the nicest people, but they were like strangers.

I imagine it’s linked to my childhood, one parent was often drunk and behaved differently, it’s very scary as a child isn’t it. I’m extremely anxious in pubs when lots of people are drunk, I always think someone’s going to lose their temper and start arguing or smashing things. This is what happened in my family. But more scary is the personality change. I feel really anxious when I’m not sure which way my loved ones are going to go.

Just wanted to get it out there really. Maybe you love a drink and are the life and soul and hate people judging. I like the odd drink, got a glass of wine here as we speak, but don’t get drunk.

Really don’t know why it upset me!

OP posts:
BatshitCrazyWoman · 20/05/2023 18:30

You aren't being unreasonable at ALL OP. I avoid drunk people, they make me feel unsafe and anxious. My exH was an alcoholic, and lots of bad things happened when he was pissed.

Your history is similar, so it's completely understandable. I don't even go to pubs, or drive drunk people around, so you're a lovely friend for doing that.

Firstmonthfree · 20/05/2023 18:31

Why did you agree to it if you don’t like being around people who have been drinking? Really weird.

maybe their was no conversation because you created an atmosphere?

Original poster
Newbie198 · 20/05/2023 18:32

@BatshitCrazyWoman thanks for understanding. Your post has made me tear up which has shocked me. I reckon I need counselling you know! It’s all coming back in my 50s how strange. I hope you are ok now x

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 20/05/2023 18:39

I totally understand OP. I find drunken friends whose personality changes really unsettling and I don’t like being with them. I can cope with tipsy friends who are just drunker versions of their normal selves, but very drunk people are tedious and unpredictable generally.
I’ve had bad experiences at parties and clubs with very drunk people, (and an ex who was a horrible drunk). I don’t feel safe around people who are out of control on booze or drugs.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 20/05/2023 18:39

Newbie198 · 20/05/2023 18:32

@BatshitCrazyWoman thanks for understanding. Your post has made me tear up which has shocked me. I reckon I need counselling you know! It’s all coming back in my 50s how strange. I hope you are ok now x

I have a lovely life now, and am with a man who barely drinks 😂

Lcb123 · 20/05/2023 18:44

fair Enough but why pick them up, if you know they’d be drunk. Doesn’t bother me, I managed a student bar for years. It’s just funny!

doitwithlove · 20/05/2023 18:47

I would say it is linked to your family history, I had a similar situation when my mum at gatherings had to have that one over the top, she would fall over then be sick. Used to scare the life out of me.

Original poster
Newbie198 · 20/05/2023 19:05

@doitwithlove yes you’re right. I’m sorry about your experiences, frightening as a kid isn’t it.
@BatshitCrazyWoman really pleased for you!
@SirVixofVixHall you totally get it

Other posters, I can see why it may look like I picked up drunk friends just to have a moan. I didn’t know they’d be drunk really, they’d had a day out in our nice market town and ended up drinking as it’s nice weather etc. It wouldn’t normally bother me really, just today it’s triggered horrible memories I think, no idea why, hence posting.

I think if you haven’t experienced the bad side of drunken people then yes you probably would find it funny. It’s when it’s those you care about when it’s more scary maybe?

OP posts:
AgrathaChristie · 20/05/2023 19:05

Drunk people are unpredictable so your anxiety is totally understandable.

HerNameIsIncontinentiaButtocks · 20/05/2023 19:07

Even without previous trauma coming into play, when you're sober very drunk people are generally either incredibly boring or worryingly unpredictable. So yeah, not surprised at all that it was like that.

TellKingTutIWantMyMummy · 20/05/2023 19:09

I hear you OP. I haven’t had good childhood experiences of alcohol either and as I’ve got older I’ve grown to despise it.

my DH drinks (rarely gets drunk) but I get to anxious if he has more than a couple, if he comes home drunk I lose it. I wish he would quit completely, it’s vile.

I still don’t understand why we as humans think those that don’t drink are the weird ones. Alcohol is a drug that changes someone’s personality, it’s not nice!

Original poster
Newbie198 · 20/05/2023 19:12

@TellKingTutIWantMyMummy
I feel you! DH comes from a family if drinkers. It was a source of angst for at least the first 10 years of our marriage- just his odd change of personality and a hint of nastiness. He does drink, but rarely gets very drunk, I hate it, he’s like a stranger.

OP posts:
doitwithlove · 20/05/2023 19:13

@Newbie198 it was Incredibly frightening as a child, I feel the experience has stopped me from having that one of the top especially through my adult life.

I have now developed a phobia of being sick - I am sure it goes hand in hand.

Curiosity101 · 20/05/2023 19:14

I think you know exactly why it upsets you. You've said as much in your OP.

You childhood had some level of stress around a drunken parent, and their lack of predictibility, aggressive behaviour etc.

I don't particularly enjoy being around drunk people for too long unless I'm drinking too. Drunk people can be amusing but generally are just more effort to be around. That's very normal. The unusual bit is that it makes you anxious/on edge. That bit is probably due to your childhood experiences.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 20/05/2023 19:17

I get it op. I don’t like being around really drunken people, I’m always on edge.

JamSandle · 20/05/2023 19:18

Because drunk equals unpredictable. I don't like it either.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/05/2023 19:37

It's completely understandable with your history OP.

You might find it helpful to look into Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings.

ACA UK – Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families

https://www.adultchildrenofalcoholics.co.uk

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/05/2023 19:41

I understand, OP. It's a fear that I have also. Drunk people (not just people who have been drinking, for the defensive here), don't seem in control to me and I avoid them. They're just completely unrelatable to how they are when sober and drunk aggression is the worst.

To the posters having a pop at the OP... if you didn't grow up around drunkenness then you have no clue as to how the OP is feeling. None at all.

Redebs · 20/05/2023 19:50

I remember being really upset seeing my dad drunk one Christmas. He was all sentimental and kept trying to console me, but I was in floods of tears at seeing him like that. I adored dad, but seeing the slurring, soppy man he was that day was horrible.

I think most of us avoid strangers who are drunk because we can't predict if they are going to puke, be agressive or pee themselves. It's self protection to keep away. Sometimes people who are suddenly seriously unwell in the street don't get medical help though, because people assume they are drunk. Many's the time I've woken a drunk person sleeping in the park or on a bench to ask if they are ok, much to the embarrassment of my kids

nosyupnorth · 20/05/2023 19:55

I'm sorry for your childhood experience OP and I can totally understand why you would not be comfortable around drunk people with those associations.

But I also think it's really important to recognise when your thoughts are coming from a place of trauma and anxiety. Your friends are not your parent and nothing you've said indicates any reason to believe that they would break out into violent behavior, some people become agressive after drinking but that is a reflection of that person and how they act with lowered inhibitions not because alcohol makes people agressive, and it's unfair to judge them on the basis of somebody else's actions.

mydoghasanattitude · 20/05/2023 20:17

I had a parent who drank. I don't recall ever seeing him really drunk. There was no violence or falling down/being sick, but sometimes it made him a little moody, which created an uncomfortable atmosphere. I didn't like it when he drank.

I think it's completely understandable to feel uncomfortable around people who have been drinking enough to seem just that little bit 'different'. Altering your personality through drinking and drugs is an objectively weird behaviour that most cultures have decided we're supposed to just accept as normal. Well, sorry, but some of us don't like it! I don't care if people drink, but I don't want to be around them if/when they start acting stupid.

I'm thankful that DH doesn't care to drink. I don't think I'd ever choose to be in a relationship with someone who 'had' to drink to relax or have fun. That's a definite deal-breaker for me.

Tortiemiaw · 20/05/2023 20:18

I was a serious problem drinker and have been sober now for many years
I still find it hard being around drunk people!

DanceMonster · 20/05/2023 20:19

Did you just pick them up to drop them off at another pub?

knitpicky · 20/05/2023 20:49

I'm scared of drunk people, and I have had no bad experiences, ever, involving alcohol. I just find people who are out of control and unpredictable really scary.

luckypebbles · 20/05/2023 21:31

I completely get this! I used to love going out partying and getting drunk when I was younger but I do not drink at all anymore. Now the thought of it knocks me sick. Drunk people ignite some sort of rage in me. I know it shouldn't as most are harmless but I grew up with an alcoholic parent and I saw how drink ruined their life, my other parents life and mine and my siblings lives in certain ways. Now that I don't drink, I find it so hard to understand why people doConfused life is so much better with out it. To me people drink as some form (even if minor) of escapism. The amount of negatives that drinking causes such as diseases, arguments and fights ect. Not to mention that added strain on healthcare and police services. Sorry for the rant I am quite passionate about this haha

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