Navigate this social situation for me

[Ocelotstripes]

A few months back I went to a small drinks thing for a friend mix of her friends and acquaintances.

Got chatting to another lady who was lovely (I’m relatively new to the area) clicked, and she added me on social media the next day and sent me a contact on WhatsApp regarding something we’d been chatting about. I was bold and said we must do a coffee play date she said they would be really lovely lots of kisses.

messaged a couple of weeks later (had felt the ball was in my court) to say sorry it had taken so long to ask (my DC had all been ill) but would love to get together for a play date. She replied with quite a cool, perfunctory message saying she had plans and could we reschedule, I said of course mentioned that I don’t work a certain day what about x date.…..Literally never heard from her again 🤣but she had continued to like the odd social media post of mine and I continued to do same of hers.

Felt a little awkward as she’d obviously decided not interested after all for whatever reason but that’s life.

Saw her yesterday at another social event and whilst I was smiley polite, nodded small hello but didn’t make an effort to stop chat to her. I was polite rather than effusive but She then seemed a bit taken aback that I didn’t stop and wasn’t like ‘oh hiiiii, so great to see you’ as she had started to be towards me when I walked in?

Whilst I didn’t make the effort do I ended up chatting to her briefly - as you do at these things, told her she looked nice etc. spoke about her link to event, v top line stuff she was friendly, I just felt a little awkward to be honest after the play date brush off and wasn’t sure how to be.

I was there with a very close friend of mine who I think she was chatting to more (I think she also met this friend at previous event briefly but know they’ve not definitely not spoken since.)

At the end she came over and said bye and pointedly hugged my close friend and ‘said oh yes we should definitely get together for a coffee some time’ but said it whilst looking at me I could tell my friend was a bit like ermmm okaaayyy and sussed it was all a bit awkward. She made a real point of not hugging me bye 😂.

Urgghhhhh what is wrong with people, I feel so off and wrong footed. I mean how do you Expect someone to be if you’ve literally blown them off and not contacted them for two months!

I akways find it really rude when a person makes a concrete plan suggestion over text and it gets ignored. So I am not defending that behaviour from her.

But what I would say is that it seems like you made an incorrect assumption that her not replying =her not interested in you or wanting to hang out. Clearly that is not true by her trying to make a beeline for you at the second get together. You were then cold to her which probably made her feel confused and sad (hence her weird lack of hug and plans with your friend comment).

Perhaps there has just been some miscommunication along the way where both of your feelings have been a bit bruised?

We don't know what was going on in her head...
-perhaps she was overly excited about meeting you and the 2 week gap made HER assume you weren't interested
-perhaps she is awful on her phone and meant to reply, forgot and then was going to speak to you in person

If you do actually like her and think there could be a potential friendship in the pipeline there is nothing stopping you bringing this up with her. There seems to have been a weird powerplay from both of you based on hurt feelings, which is why you are feeling so awkward!

You are massively overthinking this! You'll never get to the bottom of it, so why give it any head space? I used to do the same when I was younger, and I misjudged situations so many times. Like thinking someone had gone weird on me, when in reality nothing was wrong, they had just been busy. I have friends now, who can go days without responding to messages, and my son is the same. Nothing is ever wrong, it's just being caught up in other things. Let it go.

Well, you said she was ‘lovely’ — do you actually want to pursue a potential friendship? That’s what’s missing from your posts.

I think you are overthinking this. You made a connection but it’s just the start of a journey. People are busy and preoccupied and can’t always prioritise a new acquaintance over their family, close friends, jobs etc.

Friendships take a while to build and putting masses of pressure on both of you at the outset creates drama and suspicion which won’t help anyone.

Chill out, relax, see how it plays. Don’t expect too much of people too soon.

I'd say you're overthinking this one. I'm presuming a 'coffee play date' involves your children? So you made a new friend, NF and said let's meet up, NF says yes..you left it a couple of weeks and (presumably) suggested a date. She got back (how long?) and said No that doesn't work for me so you said OK another time...no reply (how long).
You then meet her by chance at a social event. Everyone's friendly but she doesn't hug you.
You say your mutual friend said 'that was awkward '. Could it be that its really you thats awkward rather than the situation? You say she seemed a bit taken aback that you didn't make an effort. Did she? What makes you say that. You've also said she 'pointedly' hugged your friend and 'looked at' you.l honestly think you're reading far too much into this.
Maybe she's saying to her mate 'that's the woman I told you about....but she seems a bit off for some reason'. Or maybe she's just gone home and not given it a 2nd thought and will continue to like your FB posts.
Next time there's a group event coming up, message her before and mention it'll be great to have a catch up next Saturday (or whenever).