To give ds the master bedroom

[beaniebelly]

Recently moved home; both bedrooms are a decent size, but the master bedroom is notably larger and brighter. I planned to give DS the master room, so he could have a desk/extra storage space - and using the logic that he is going to spend more time in his room than I spend in mine, I only use my bedroom to sleep and get dressed. I’ll have to get rid of my dressing table and another couple of small things which don’t fit in ‘my’ new room though which is a shame.

I’ve mentioned to a few family/friends that I plan to give DS the larger room and it’s raised a few eyebrows. I hadn’t really thought twice about it til anyone mentioned finding it strange. So AIBU to give him the bigger room? Total first world problems I know 😁

I have no idea why! A few people have mentioned finding it strange but haven’t really elaborated 😂 it sounds like your sister has the same logic as me - our larger room also has a lot more usable floor space because of the layout, which would feel wasted on me - which I know DS will spend hours playing on.

Good thinking. My daughter lives in her bedroom and does have a bigger room than us, although we have an en-suite

Sounds the same as what my situation will be with the smaller room - double bed, chest of drawers, full length mirror and bedside tables and that’s about it. I’m hoping the bigger room for DS’s toys will stop them taking over the living room too.

I used to live on a street of identical three story 'town houses' and quite a few people had their children in the master bedroom. It does make sense as you can keep more of their toys in there and like you say, when they get older they will need a desk.

Exactly. You have the whole of the rest of the house (and can put your stuff away). He can leave his lying around his bedroom if he wants, or not, without it affecting you!

If it keeps his toys/crafts out the rest of the house then that sounds like a win for you

My son has the bigger bedroom for the same reasons. I don't see why you always need the bigger bedroom just because you're the parent. If it works better then go for it.

I gave my dd the master bedroom and I moved into the smaller room.
She'd moved out but moved back in to save for a house deposit.
Dd used the bedroom as a bed / sitting room but I just slept in mine so it made sense, I didn't mind it at all although I too had some raised eyebrows

What that basically means is that all his stuff can stay in his room, and you have the run of the house - perfect! Especially since the alternative is the other way around - you have the big room as an oasis and all of his stuff is sprinkled in around all the other rooms.

I think it's a perfectly sensible and logical idea.

We did the same - as DS spends longer in his room and he needed a desk in it for doing school work and a quiet space. The other bedrooms were fine, just not as big or as light. It's worked out well.

The only mistake you've made is discussing it with family! It's none of their business - do what works for you and your family.

Youngest DC with ASD has the biggest bedroom in our house. They have more things and spend more time in their room. Plus their bedroom overlooks the garden which is much quieter and has no street lights shining In unlike the front of the house which is where our bedroom is. Our bedroom is still a good size but not as big but we’re all happy. Go for it OP.

I do find it odd but each to their own.

To explain why - I think it sends the message to the child that they are more important than the parent. I am sure this is child dependent and how you explain it will make a difference.

I think often parents do it because they then expect their child to keep all their things in their bedroom. I think of the living room as a shared space - it has things that belong to all of us - and that's the way we like it. I don't especially want to encourage the kids to feel like they have to pack all their things away.

I have a lot of clothes as does DH so we genuinely need more storage space than our kids. We have formal clothes, casual clothes, multiple shoes etc.

It sounds like you actually have to give up things you like to give him the larger room, that I wouldn't do when it sounds like he could fit just fine in the smaller one. He could have a study bed to fit a desk and a bed if necessary

Do what works for you.

One of my friends and her now adult son spent more time in their bedrooms than the living room so they made the two largest rooms 'bed sits' and the small room as a dining room with a sofa to watch the odd film together.

She's in a flat so slightly easier to do that.

My ds has the large master bedroom, daughter has 2 bedrooms , one to sleep in, one for her desk/art. We have the smaller room. You do what works best for you, did what other people think.

It's definitely the idea that the 'master' bedroom is a status symbol for some people.

British bedrooms are just weird - when I first moved into what they call a three bedroom, it turns out what they meant was a big room, a medium sized room and a closet! And most houses seem to built along the same lines, it's so strange why anyone would think that was a better idea than just three evenly sized rooms.

I think your ideas makes sense, and especially for the long-term - kids these days won't be able to afford to move out young the way my generation did because of house prices. So really when you plan your housing you need to think about an adult rather than a child living there.

And a hierarchy or importance within the household argument just doesn't make any sense to me. My kids have the bigger rooms because they have to live in those rooms, that's their space; my space is the entire rest of the house, which is WAY bigger! So it gives them some comfortable living space that they can call the shots with, within an entire house that I get to call the shots with. I think that's fair!

It seems completely sensible in your situation.

However, I wonder whether, because a master bedroom is normally used by two people, your friends are actually making a comment about future relationships.

Do they think that by having the smaller bedroom you are also saying that you will never be in a relationship again etc etc

People can read way too many secondary thoughts into a simple practical decision

Thanks! Yes it’s just me and DS here. You're right, we can always reevaluate the bedroom set up in the future if needed.

What if you want a future new partner to move in to your home? Would the smaller room be suitable for you and a new partner? I think your son could feel (somewhat justifiably) very resentful about losing his bedroom, if you needed to swop at that point.
I'd take the big room personally, and store some of his hobby stuff in it if need be.

And a hierarchy or importance within the household argument just doesn't make any sense to me

I think it depends - the PP who is in the smallest bedroom with her DH while her DD had two bedrooms, one for sleeping and one for her desk/art.. you can see where that child might come away with the idea that they are more important within the household

you can see where that child might come away with the idea that they are more important within the household

Are they less important? This is part of what I don't get - my children aren't less important than me, even as children. Certainly not as adults.

Also that doesn't sound like a two bedroom situation, that sounds like a bedroom and a playroom, which will probably change as the child gets older. I don't have a playroom in my house, but looking at the toys and art things surrounding me in my living room I can see why some parents choose to have one! I don't think their child will walk away thinking they're any more or less important than mine do, with all their stuff all over the house; they'll just have a different living experience at home, that they'll probably recreate when they're older, like everybody does.

If it’s going to be his play room / study / hang out with friends zone so he doesn’t get to takeover the sitting room, it makes sense

Think it through though

Do what works best for you, it's really nobody else's business.

Actually that’s a good point. Maybe not then..

If this is what you want to do and it will give you pleasure to do it - then do it I say !

I absolutely think you are right.

Teenagers need more personal space than grown adults
Never understood why the adults tend to choose the master even they only tend to sleep there.

We have no kids and still deep in the middle room
The master is DHs office.