Falsely accused of burglary / theft. WWYD?

[Rhub]

I have a relative who is mentally unwell. She has got it into her head that somebody has been going into her property and taking things, she thinks that person is me. There's no truth in it, it's a paranoid delusion that for some reason includes me.. a very boring, reserved mother of three who just minds my own business.

I've never stolen from another person in my life and don't have access to her property. I haven't stepped foot over the threshold in three years and haven't spoken to her beyond a polite hello in atleast two of those years.

Other family members have said to just ignore it but its making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and on edge. Nobody wants to be called a thief and if she spreads it around enough somebody just might believe it.

WWYD in this situation?

Forgot my AIBU..

AIBU to want to do something about this? Speak to the police perhaps?

If they're mentally unwell, I don't know what the police could or would do.
Uncomfortable as it is, if the rest of the family are aware it's paranoid behaviour, I'd try to ignore the accusations.

What's being done about her mental health issues? Is it dementia? Paranoid delusions? Has she got a social worker? Is her GP aware?

If you need to do anything, make sure she is okay and known to social services/health services in case she needs help.

What are the police going to do exactly?

Its a civil matter.

Tbh there’s nothing you can apart from reason with the person - if that’s even a possibility. And just live your life. If you didn’t steal then there’s no concrete evidence out there so.

YABU for even thinking of involving the police. Unless they're the truth police.

Your relative is unwell. Distance yourself for a while if you can't appreciate the extent of their mental illness.

Police?

As long as the other family members know that this isn't true, thats all you need do.

My mother was convinced 'someone' was banging on her window at night, to the point she called the police and put up a note in her window telling them to fuck off.

That later morphed into her believing it was ME that was doing this (non driver who lives 10 miles away, magically getting to her home at 4 in the morning to bang on her window. Mm.).

She hid bottles of alcohol and food around her house because she believed absolutely, that I would steal it... I am teetotal (as a result of her alcoholism!) and in any case have never drank sherry or vodka! I haven't felt the need to 'steal' food since I was about six years old either!

Reality is a foreign land to those with dementia, mental health issues, alcohol related neurological problems etc etc. Insisting it is not you will just wind them up further, attempting to prove it isn't you, to them, again will just generate more stress.

Ignore it, as best you can really. If there ARE others who doubt you, then ensure you always have an alibi, theres always another family member with you when you visit, that sort of thing. Hopefully thats not necessary though!

She's an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital at the moment so she has the support she needs, she's doing all of this from her mobile phone which isn't monitored - understandably. I've called the ward and told them what she's doing and that it's very upsetting but there's not much they can do about it.

It's social media posts going out to over 1,000 Facebook friends the vast vast majority of she doesn't even know, texts to people who know me personally and she actually called my DM this evening ranting about me whilst my DM was in my house, unbeknownst to her.

I'm sympathetic about her mental illness but it's no fun being the target of something like this, it's slanderous and incredibly embarrassing 😔

Everyone who knows her (and you) knows it's not true. Anyone else is of no concern to you. Ignore it.

That's really sad I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you given that it's your mother💐

To be honest, by that point it was clear it was her addiction and disease not 'her', and people who really knew us both knew she was talking total fantasy fiction, and those who did believe her, didn't know me, or really her, anyway.

Such conditions are awful and often much more awful for those around the sufferer than the person themselves - it isn't personal, it's really nooooooothing to do with you, you're just a name or entity to attach to the belief, thats all.

If it wasn't you it'd be someone else, I've known people decide that a character in a favourite soap opera is perpetrating crimes against them, purely because they 'see' that person often... on tv ... so they can hang the belief on that character.

A very unmumsnetty hug, its still horrid, no matter how 'not personal' it is!