To overcompensate due to infertility?

[ivfregret]

I am infertile and so find myself trying extra hard in my career and buying super expensive clothing to look my best somehow thinking it will overcompensate for the thing that should be so easy to accomplish - having a child.

Has anyone else had this experience or am I crazy?

I know it's completely irrational but I can't help it and am not sure how to resolve it.

Then figure is it such a bad thing?

Just me then?!

I think the fact you started this thread points towards you thinking it's a bad thing.

I know people who do similar and are at peace with it.

I don't have personal experience but it sounds like an understandable reaction to your situation. I don't think it's a negative thing as long as it's not causing you any difficulties as a result? Eg over spending on designer clothes?

I understand. Sometimes I have felt that if I couldn't conceive then I should at least have an amazing career/impeccably decorated house/fabulous shoe collection. As if that makes up for it.

It's not logical, but I think it's probably natural to want to find something positive amongst the negatives. Like you're showing the world that you are still of value even though you couldn't do what women are seemingly created to do (and hoping you believe it yourself one day!)

I am overspending on designer clothes as a result. Its making me feel I do have an issue and perhaps need to speak to someone

@Goingthere you've articulated everything I'm thinking and feeling so well! That's exactly it

I didn't do it with clothes but when through a stage at work where I gave it far too much. It was like I was trting to prove I was good at something as I felt I had failed on the motherhood side of things.

I had counselling years ago and now hace a far more balanced life.

I had counselling and couldn't recommend it enough.

From talking to others in the same situation, it's not usually to through yourself into something else in to extremes, career, charity work and fitness seem to be the most common.

It sounds like you have some "success criteria" for life and you have had to rule one out so you are over focused on the rest. But really a successful life is one that makes you happy, not a tick list of external things. It must be so hard to let go of the possibility of having children though so it's totally understandable. Counselling and something else to focus on hopefully will help, and not being too hard on yourself x

Oh, I see, overcompensate for infertility with your career.

I opened the thread thinking you were going to be asking whether to go at it four times a night to try to get pregnant. My bad.