To sell my horse (or not)

[4legsandatail]

Never thought I would be in this position but here we are. Crying even writing this post so please don’t kick me anymore than I already am.

I have the most beautiful horse. He can at times be fiesty and sharp and he’s taken a lot of work but I’ve spent a lot of time, work and money producing him and he’s fantastic. He’s on full livery at an amazing yard.

but I’m thinking of selling him and leaving horses altogether. I’ve been so miserable recently and to be completely honest I’ve been dreading going to the yard. I had a short break away and felt so much more relaxed and my life was much easier with a 2 week break from horses. I feel terrible even saying that but I’ve come to the realisation that it’s true. But the thought of not having him and not being able to ride kills me. It’s the most conflicting feeling ever. I don’t know what’s making me feel this way but theres a few possibilities;

I had a horrendous fall about a year ago with a different horse. I was actually injured but had to get peeled off the ground and scanned at hospital as we thought I had seriously injured myself. We had a rotational fall and I landed on my neck. I was lucky to come away alive and unparalysed. I lost my nerve but since getting my new horse I gained my confidence again. But it’s never quite come back and I’m starting to realise I will never be the rider I was before the accident.

Also, recently I haven’t been well (physically) and everything has been a struggle. I won’t go into it too much as it’s a long story but it’s taking everything I have to go to work and walk my dog and apart from that all I want to do is stay in bed and I have 0 energy for anything else. Because I feel so physically unwell I’ve lost a lot of motivation for things I enjoy and between hospital trips and being unwell, it’s been pretty miserable recently. So it’s possible that is clouding my judgement and making things seem much worse than they are because I’m miserable about that because I’ve lost other motivation for non horsey things too.

but I’m scared of selling my horse and regretting it. I’ve ridden and owned horses all my life and I can’t imagine not. I love nothing more than horsey snuggles and I feel so at peace at the yard. My horse is my best boy and I can’t bear to let him go. But I’m not well, I’m not enjoying anything anymore, and even aside from that he’s being wasted from his full potential because I’ll never get over the fall. Add into the mix all the bitchiness and backstabbing comments that comes with some horsey people and you can probably see why I’m feeling like this.

I thought about loaning him out but no one is looking and I wondered if I’m delaying the inevitable and he would be better off settled in a new home. But the idea of not being able to pop for a lovely hack in the fields or go for a horsey groom and snuggle absolutely kills me. I’m scared I’m wasting him and he would be better off with a better owner, but equally I’m scared of selling him and regretting it if it’s just my temporary health problems making me feel like this

I just don’t know what to do x

I’d either advertise and wait for a loan or consider a horse share.

I wouldn’t sell him if I wasn’t 100% sure.

I'd say there is more people looking for good full loan horses, or loan WVTB.

Is that something you would consider?

Gives you a sort of taster without him, before choosing to sell or not.

I think if the illness is a massive contributing factor id be hesitant to sell if it is temporary and wait until you're better to decide.
And as previous posters commented, find someone to loan to take the load off for now.
From what you've said horses are a big part of your life and it may be current (but not permanent) situation that's causing you to feel this way. Sorry you're in this position, I hope you feel better soon 🌺

Oh I feel your pain. Similar thing happened to me and it was left with a life altering injury. The thing I loved doing so so much nearly killed me. It’s been nearly a year and I still miss it so much. I say keep the horse while you are in this frame of mind. It’s a decision you can make when you feel better.

Are you sure he’s the right horse for you?

I would book some lessons, see if a different horse gives you a different feel and go from there.

It’s tricky. I sold up my land and two horses 7 years ago. I’d lost my nerve and whilst my horses were my life, I knew I was done.

it was very hard but the right decision for me.

I've had the horrific fall (reared up and back flipped) and the sharp

Sell

be careful and consider lwvtb or use a sales livery

It's a complete fallacy that horses can be 'wasted'. Even horses that enjoy their jobs are still just horses. Give them 24/7 turnout with a nice herd and good food/shelter/water and they'll be perfectly happy as a field ornament.

Personally I think you should sell and then find yourself a nice loan horse instead where you do 2-3 days a week with them. It'll be sad initially - but the freedom is immense. Of course you lose quite a bit of control for that freedom... But based on what you've described I think you need to give yourself a break.

Sorry miss posted.....
I've had the nasty fall and sharp horse. I'd go against the grain and say sell him. Take a break and find yourself a proper confidence giver. Take it slowly and just do it for fun. I've got the Fat Cob now and although he's not winning any prizes he puts a smile on my face every time I sit on him and I'm now a lot braver and do more than I ever did on the more talented sharp horse because he's easy and I trust he's not going to kill me!!

I'm not sure selling is the right thing. There is a lot of conflicting stuff in your post which makes me think you're not sure if you want to sell and that actually there is a lot of stuff (maybe mild depression?) going on that's not related to your horse. You say you hate the yard yet love it, you loved not having the horse yet you can't cope with the idea of not having one, you adore being around horses, yet you've lost your nerve.

I don't understand what you mean that no-one is looking for a loan? I'm sure you could fairly easily loan your horse on part or full loan. What's the reason it's not possible for you?

It sounds like you're giving yourself a hard time because you feel like you're not enough...can you just give yourself a break and do what you enjoy with your horse, a moochy hack and lots of cuddles and leave it at that? Perhaps a loaner 3 days a week who might like to ride and help pay for him would help?

Firstly, don't worry about the 'wasted' thing, he's not going to be crying into his haynet that he's not going round Badminton! If you just want to be a happy hacker and enjoy caring for him, that's absolutely fine. Horses cost so much and take so much time you have to enjoy what you do.

If you aren't enjoying him and riding then it might be best to sell him, a hobby is supposed to be fun! If you'd like to still be around horses, the RDA are always looking for volunteers etc.

I've given up horses for now, like you it was a huge part of my life but I wasn't really enjoying it that much. In not saying I'll never ride again but I don't miss it particularly at the moment. I have taken up another hobby which I love and its outdoorsy and active still.

I’d do a years loan. Give yourself a break. I did this and it helped so much. Now mine is retired and I spend my days running after a small pony and over enthusiastic child bouncing about on him. Drives me mad, but I need a break now and then.

Sorry, didn’t explain it very well. I meant it’s amazing for him. I don’t really hate the yard either to be honest, it’s a great hard for me too. I’ve just been so unwell and miserable from it. I don’t think I have depression but I’ve definitely got low mood from my physical health problems. I har a look on our local buy and sell horse Facebook page and apparently there isn’t great interest in loaning in our area right now unless it’s a safe plod/mother daughter bombproof type which my boy isn’t. I think you’re right and I need to stop putting pressure on myself and go back to having chilled hacks and cuddles and recharge the batteries for a while❤️

Is there a way you can still work with horses? Perhaps as a volunteer- something like Riding for the Disabled etc?

You could still be around horses but in a different capacity.

Horses have no awareness of their potential so if your main concern is that he's being wasted please try to put that out of your mind. As long as he's fed, watered and happy in his surroundings with a good level of care he's fine!
Is him being on full livery putting you under financial strain? If not then I would delay a decision until your head is in a better place. If it is then maybe consider a sharer who would contribute to costs in return for riding. Draw up a watertight 6 or 12 month contract and that will give you some breathing space.
As regards your fall have you considered a sports psychologist or at least a good instructor who is good with confidence building?
If you're really not feeling the love for it any more and the thought of selling brings you relief then don't feel guilty for selling him. They're expensive and it's supposed to be fun. But to me it sounds like you're suffering from the aftermath of the fall (perfectly understandable) and maybe with a bit of help you might get your horsey mojo back.

Could you keep him and just stop riding for a bit and then see how you feel? If you love him and enjoy spending time with him he doesn't have to be ridden.

Horses don't think they are being wasted. They are mainly happy as long as they are looked after nicely (I know some horses do thrive on work).

No one would blame you or think less of you to stop riding after a rotational fall. You were very lucky!

The idea that you're 'wasting him' is rubbish - he has no competition goals, no achievement goals, he's not sitting about twiddling this thumbs thinking 'well I wish we were doing x or y or we'd won this or that'...

He's fed, he's got turn out, he sees you, he sees other horses, he's healthy and happy - thats an idyllic life for a horse.

I have friends who own horses that are rarely ridden, they're cared for, cuddled, brushed, fed, taken for walkies, play around at bits and bobs of all sorts as and when someone feels like it - they COULD do tons of things but horses do not know what they're potentially 'missing out on' and most of the activities we do with horses, horses could take or leave anyway!

If you enjoy being with him and doing what you fancy, when you fancy, and that meets his actual needs (not this stressful idea of what people SHOULD do with xyz type of horse) then just do that!

Only you can decide whether you love him enough to want to keep him. Horses for me are like an addictive substance- I'm always chasing my last high with them so even if I've had a crap lesson or hack there's something that drives me back next time. And being around equines makes me feel more relaxed and at peace than almost anything else does. Your horse might not be giving you those feelings anymore and might not be the right fit for you but he also might be. Do you love him? Does he make you feel happy?

You don't have to be eventing every weekend to deserve to own a horse. You don't have to be riding every day for your horse to be happy. You're not letting your horse down because you've had a crisis of confidence. You're not letting yourself down by being a different rider than you once were.

Wish I knew where you were from I've been looking for a loan for ages in my area since my last one moved away and sold hers

I'm wondering if you're beating yourself up a bit or feeling judgement at your yard for lacking energy and not doing more with him? People are so judgy and horsey people can be the worst! Another vote for the horse not really giving a monkeys about their potential. As long as they're happy, fit and well, that's all that matters.

Can you do more groundwork with him if you're not enjoying riding so much?

Put him out on a full loan- if you don’t mind him moving yards there will definitely be someone happy to have him. I’ve been struggling to find a full loan - there really aren’t that many around! (But I’m looking for a more laid back type).
Reassess in a year.