The school play

[Thesemifinalcurtain]

AIBU to think the best parts should not go to the children who’ve spent all year being disruptive, total pains and, quite frankly, don’t deserve them? Parts handed out today and like another thread about merits and awards, the good, quieter DC have been overlooked whilst the class clowns have their bad behaviour rewarded once again. It is so demoralizing for the middle swathe of children who never seem to get a look in.

I think this type of bitterness about school plays is unhealthy. Schools are balancing the needs of lots of different kids.

Or maybe just the ones who aren't ignorant about SEND?

Hands up, one of mine is autistic and occasionally “challenging”, although he’s also very well behaved 99% of the time and I very much doubt his classmates go home and moan about him.

Frankly, every single child deserves opportunities, including the quiet well behaved very compliant ones (I have one of those too). By all means advocate for your child. But I hate that these complaints are never framed as “my child would have loved a key part in the school play, would be great at it but missed out, what should I do?”…. Same with class awards and the like. It’s always got to drag in some whinge about the “naughty” or “disruptive” or “difficult” kids aka those with SEND or home circumstances you’d never want for your own child.

I'm currently casting the Y6 play ... the class clowns are standing up and delivering confident auditions, entertaining the others in the same way that they do in the classroom. The quiet children who might be more deserving in the OP's view are shrinking back and not performing. While I'm working hard to try to get the less confident to perform, we've got 8 weeks and a show to put on.

Can you? Or do you just think that you can?

My dd was always a model pupil. Never disruptive, always picked for jobs like house captain, prefect etc because she was perceived as being a good role model etc.

I have no personal reason for thinking that the "disruptive" kids should get a fair shot. I just think that there are lots of reasons why kids might be disruptive and they should not be excluded from something that they might actually good at because they're not very good at something else.

If they’re the more confident/able children then they will get the parts.

It's all about who can handle the high pressure A list roles and who would crumble. It's ruthless.

DD is a well behaved ,quiet girl that does really well academically. She has about 3 lines in the play, one of them as a group. The teacher diplomatically rejected her for the role she wanted with something about her talents being a better fit for something else / saving her talent for something better. It didn't make much sense to DD since she got such a small role , but it makes perfect sense to me. As lovely as she is, she can't sing or act and is terrified of actually performing/just being in front of a crowd. Her talents do indeed lie elsewhere.

Bless her. It sounds like she has plenty of other talents that will stand her in good stead.

You must be one of the few parents on MN who doesn't believe that your child has somehow been wronged if they aren't given a starring role. It's very refreshing to see a parent simply acknowledge that their child's strengths might lie in other areas.

All children have strengths and weaknesses, and that's OK.

Or maybe you can see which posters have a more considered or experienced pov...

YANBU op. Well behaved, well-parented kids constantly overlooked to appease the dickheads - and people who defend that. That is state education currently and the overwhelming reason why there is the worst teacher recruitment and retention problem in the country right now.

"disruptive", "total pains" and "class clowns".... These are the children who are crying out for help, are not having their emotional or educational needs met.

I'm glad your child has found school easy but not all children do. No child wants to be naughty. When children act like this, something in their life is wrong.

Don't be an ableist. Give these children something to be proud of. Yours can have the grades and the academic praise.

Are you really as envious as you sound? Would you honestly rather be parenting a child with unmet special needs or a traumatic background? Would you rather your child had those kinds of difficulties, probably lifelong, probably with an increased chance of prison, suicide, unemployment and goodness knows what else, just so they got extra stickers or awards or a part in a primary school play?

Or are you just one of those smug people who think that your children could never be neurodivergent, or have mental health issues, or suffer a traumatic event or for whatever reason struggle with behaviour and that only happens to the children of “bad parents”? And of course you could never encounter life situations like poor mental health, bereavement, divorce, domestic violence etc that might result in you being a less than perfect parent at some point?

If you have to resort to calling primary school children “dickheads” that says it all really.

Well said.

OP sounds very bitter and unkind.

Why is it another child's fault your child didn't get a part? Maybe the other child did well in rehearsal. You can be put out on behalf of your child but no need to blame other children.

Your op makes me think you are are just like 'them'

I think part of the problem is that having a role in the play is seen as a reward, a prize to be won. DC like the OP’s, who would maybe love to win the prize, see that they go, in the main, to the children who make their life at school unpleasant. We know from these threads that there are increasing numbers of children with SEN and behaviour issues. There are insufficient staff to cater for their needs and it is unreasonable to expect the class teacher to cope and still teach the class.
As for DC being compensated with the ‘academic prizes’, are there any? It doesn’t seem to be in our culture to award academic excellence at primary school.All must win at sport…

Clearly I’m not psychic but everyone knows the DC who get a merit for sitting still for ten minutes vs. those who spend most of the school day waiting for the ones who mess about to calm down

Do you really? I don't. I'm not the teacher in the classroom so how can I k ow that.

It’s worrying when your DC tells you they are going to be a pain on purpose as that seems to bring rewards, extra sport opportunities, the good play parts etc

That is someone that you need to work on with DC and discuss with school. Rather than reinforcing this nonsense.

@Thesemifinalcurtain - sorry are you saying your DC is being a pain on purpose? If so that's a strange thing to say!

Or is your DC telling you that other children are being a pain on purpose? If so, is your child a qualified educational psychologist?

Sounds like your DC is as judgemental and entitled as you.

My kids are rubbish as sports but great at acting and singing. It’s where they excel. They are never going to get a place in the school football team.

Why assume that your quiet academic child deserves a part in the play because they are academic and quiet? It should go to the best actors.