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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Twisted ex boyfriend making trouble

20 replies

DonnaKJ · 19/05/2023 16:34

Hello , I haven't been with my exboyfriend in about a year and half now.
After 4 months dating my current partner ( were now engaged) I fell pregnant , and were so happy. I'm currently 7 months pregnant . ( he was actually my ex ex boyfriend, childhood sweetheart for 5 years but we split as we were young and attending different unis. We always said well see what the future holds further down the line. a few years later, we've reunited) we will be husband and wife when baba arrives. Anyway, I have not been with my ex for a year and a half as stated . He has been telling people my baby is his child. It's most definitely not. How would that even be possible ffs. He's said she will take legal action to ensure his names on the birth certificate. He came onto me a few months ago and I turned him down in public ( i was at a friend's wedding party 2 months pregnant) , clearly ive damaged his ego and ever since he's been twisted. He told people we slept together that night ( nope, I went home to my fiance , who didn't attend wedding with me because he was working in NW England for a week and was arriving home late that night) he put a rumour out that I had cheated on my partner and he "banged me several times that night and next morning" he told people I was too clingy , gave him an sti and sh** myself so he dumped my ass.

Legally speaking, Can he enforce me to get a dna test of my child and dispute my birth certificate? My partners name will be on the certificate as his father since that's who his father biologically is. My ex is just doing this for badness to get a rise out of me. I think he's such a twisted individual that he's willing to go to such lengths just to teach me a lesson. I've blocked his number as his last text messages on WhatsApp said "haha " My garden was vandalised during the night a few weeks ago. Haha bitch was also written on the fence. My cars been scored. My pet cat went missing and hes said many vile things to people while intoxicated like hell ruin my life horrible rumours that aren't true like how I gave him an sti and that night we apparently had intercourse he did me from behind and i sh*t over him . Its so dusgusting and vile and just embarrassing. Im considering moving away because i feel so embarrased now to even go to the shop for groceries. Police won't do anything as theres no actually evidence of threat by sending me a message saying haha or that any of this was him. Its basically He said , she said . They told me to block his number . I think the matter has been escalated as my father knows his boss quite well , they would talk often, grew up together. My dad , this man , daughter and i would often go on motorcycle rides and picnics when younger as his daughter is a year younger than me , and also a good friend. my dad told him all this other stuff because the boss has also been hearing rumours about me ( some from the horses mouth) at workplace and brought it up. now his boss said he won't tolerate that kinda behaviour from his employees and sacked him.
I feel now he's never going to let this go and its becoming pure revenge for him.

Can he legally make me do a dna test on the baby or dispute it if another man is on certificate? I just want to enjoy the time with my first born child. I don't want to have any of this hanging over our heads. I feel like it's ruining what should be the most special time in my life , all I'm thinking about is am I going to have to deal with courts and legal situations

OP posts:
finallygotospeaktoSky · 19/05/2023 16:42

Not aware of him being able to force you to do anything. People probably realise he's a mouthy person so don't take too much notice.
Bio dad on birth certificate and your ex can have a non molestation order against him.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 19/05/2023 16:47

Is he really going to spend money on a futile exercise? In theory he could apply to have you before a judge to request a dna is ordered.. Given you haven't been near him at the time of conception he would have no text or other evidence he could possibly be the df.. Forget all about him op.

Daleksatemyshed · 19/05/2023 16:48

He's bitter and nasty and trying to ruin what should be a happy time for you Op, don't let him. Block him on everything, hold your head high and if anyone mentions him just laugh at how ridiculous your ex is being

LakeTiticaca · 19/05/2023 17:13

I don't normally condone violence but do you have any burly male friends/relatives to have a word with him? Not saying beat the little bastard to kingdom come and back again (even though he deserves it) but maybe few stern words might just concentrate his mind, so to speak

AllBlackEverything · 19/05/2023 17:22

One way to avoid it, if he does attempt to pursue a dna test through the courts, is to have your fiancé do the test instead. Better to prove that the child is your fiancé's than prove that it isn't your exs child.

Cherrysoup · 19/05/2023 17:25

Go back to the police and ask them to take action. This idiot is harassing you and that’s illegal. Don’t take no for an answer.

DonnaKJ · 19/05/2023 17:47

Thanks for your messages guys. I haven't been able to be open with anyone in real life as I just didn't want to risk it getting back to him , if you know what I mean. It seems he really thrives on getting a reaction from me and knowing I'm upset. It's just super shit having to deal with this. I shouldn't have to be in a position needing to even take a dna test for a man that I wasnt even near at the time of conception.
Can't understand how some people are so twisted on this world.

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 19/05/2023 17:58

He sounds like hes all mouth. Technically he can take you court for a dna test but it will cost him a lot of money.

Elise72 · 19/05/2023 18:01

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time 😔 did your cat ever come back?

minou123 · 19/05/2023 18:11

DonnaKJ · 19/05/2023 17:47

Thanks for your messages guys. I haven't been able to be open with anyone in real life as I just didn't want to risk it getting back to him , if you know what I mean. It seems he really thrives on getting a reaction from me and knowing I'm upset. It's just super shit having to deal with this. I shouldn't have to be in a position needing to even take a dna test for a man that I wasnt even near at the time of conception.
Can't understand how some people are so twisted on this world.

That's the issue, he is thriving on the fact it is upsetting you.

I know its difficult, but you have to ignore and not show you're upset.
If a friend tells you what he has been saying, I would laugh and say something like
"What a sad sad man. He has no life so he is coming up with this ridiculous story he is the father of my child. Clearly he needs some help. So rather than telling me what he is saying, his friends need to get him some mental health support for his delusions"

He is a twisted fuck, but that's how you have to treat this.

Don't let him ruin this great time in your life.

SchoolTripDrama · 19/05/2023 18:12

Just do a private DNA test with your partner now and either send a photo of the results to every mutual friend you have or put the results up on your Facebook (not something I'd do personally but it may work).

However. Why are you worried about him wanting a DNA test? Surely if you know your baby is your new partner's child then the DNA test would be negative anyway?

Just a reminder that you're only going to get appropriate advice if you tell us the whole truth.

Oubliette86 · 19/05/2023 18:27

Do a court approved DNA test with your boyfriend, job done.

DonnaKJ · 19/05/2023 18:29

@Elise72 no she didn't. I was absolutely heartbroken. She was 100% lifted as I always put her tracker collar on if she's out, even tho she wasn't an explorer cat, she never ventured beyond the garden. She had an extremely close bond with the other cat and they were completely inseparable but the other cat is afraid of outdoors as he's partially blind so dosent go outside. I was only gone 10 15 minutes and she was missing when I came back. Nobody saw anything, and you can't really see my front anyway as im on the outskirts of a small town at the last house. The front is all shaded by bushery and the back is against an open friend with trees so it's very private and it would have been very easy for someone to take her without being seen. Her collar was found on the grass and it was a very secure collar, dosent pop open easy. Nobody strange ever comes down here as its a dead end. I've lived here all my life as it was my parents home. I'm certain he had something to do with it as so much crazy stuff was happening in such a short time that was all coinciding with the stuff he was saying and doing. I have absolutely and never had any beef with anyone before so I don't see why anyone else would be targeting me

OP posts:
DonnaKJ · 19/05/2023 19:06

SchoolTripDrama · 19/05/2023 18:12

Just do a private DNA test with your partner now and either send a photo of the results to every mutual friend you have or put the results up on your Facebook (not something I'd do personally but it may work).

However. Why are you worried about him wanting a DNA test? Surely if you know your baby is your new partner's child then the DNA test would be negative anyway?

Just a reminder that you're only going to get appropriate advice if you tell us the whole truth.

I am absolutely not hiding anything. I split with him a year and half ago so it's 100%impossible for him to be the dad.
I also never slept with him during the wedding reception. I was already 2 months pregnant at that stage, so again impossible. I've had absolutely nothing to do with him.
I am certain any dna test would prove my partner is the father but of course its still upsetting because I shouldn't have to face any possible legal action and shouldn't have to dna testing my newborn baby when it's born for someone i haven't been sexually active with. Yes , as others have mentioned I can have a private test done to avoid any legal proceedings but then again its another reason why its just not right that we have to fork out money for a dna test . We're budgeting as it is with a baby coming and small wedding to pay for. I don't know what the legal process is like but I imagine it will cost us either way

OP posts:
Tellmeimcrazy · 19/05/2023 19:17

I feel really sorry for you OP. I would keep a diary of everything and any proof you have. Also get yourself some cameras and a ring doorbell. I know money is tight but it's worth it.

Desperatelywantinganother · 19/05/2023 19:19

He’s not going to ask for a DNA test OP because he knows he’s not actually the father.

JjennyWren · 19/05/2023 19:25

Keep a diary, keep all messages, get security cameras put up. Report every incident to the police. He sounds unhinged!

Pashazade · 19/05/2023 19:45

I'd be getting cameras sorted front and back to try and catch him in the act to be honest. That way you can show the police when he's trespassing of being a vandal. I worry he would trash a ring doorbell so cameras in the window are probably a good idea.

margegunderson · 20/05/2023 00:25

Since he knows he can't be the dad he won't go for a dna test. So ignore away.

DPotter · 20/05/2023 00:53

I believe I'm right in saying, that if the mother is married, her husband is automatically legally considered the father of any child. A married father can register the birth of this child, without the mother present and vice versa.

Starting collating evidence to report him for harassment

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