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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline this invite

29 replies

Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:19

I was a TA in a 6th form college up until recently, on a fixed term contract.
I worked with year 13 students, I built up a good relationship with them.
I attend church sometimes, it's a large church which has a few branches.
One of the students attends the same church but a different branch, he invited me to attend his church with him one Sunday and to some social events.
He's a nice lad, I like chatting to him but since he's only 18, might be a bit weird. I'm I'm my early 30s.
Don't want to seem rude but think I should give it a miss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:20

Sorry I meant social events within the church *

OP posts:
RhosynBach · 19/05/2023 16:21

I would decline

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:22

I'm sure he won't be too fussed, I've left now anyway and they're doing their a levels then will be leaving so not likely to cross paths again!

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 19/05/2023 16:22

It's a bit weird. Don't do it.

Coyoacan · 19/05/2023 16:22

Personally I'm totally in favour of intergenerational friendships , that was one of the things I liked about Mexico, where I now live.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:23

Yeah I doubt I would see him in another situation again so I will just leave it!

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Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:23

I know he's technically an adult at 18, but only just so that's why it seems odd.

OP posts:
finallygotospeaktoSky · 19/05/2023 16:25

Would it be weird to be friends with an older person? What's the difference if someone is younger? Some people must be very narrow minded if they feel this is weird or they assume it might lead to a relationship.
Still from what you say it's a moot point now.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:27

No if he were 14 years older than me it would be much less weird
My partner is friends with people 30 years older!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 19/05/2023 16:51

One of my best friends is almost 50, it's not really age gap but life stages I think

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Coyoacan · 19/05/2023 23:31

I've always been friends with children and old people alike.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 05:59

That's good :)
Yeah it's just one of those things, if he were 46 nobody would bat an eyelid.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 20/05/2023 06:08

If you want to go then go.
If not, don't.
An invitation is not a summons.

Another option is to bring your partner if you are uncomfortable attending alone (if you want to go)

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 06:14

I like the lad as a friend but there's just so much stigma attached to these things. I don't know tbh. I'll try to bring him but I don't think he'd set foot in a church! I'll see anyway.

OP posts:
Summerslimtime · 20/05/2023 07:14

It's the power balance though, isn't it. You were in a position of power over him as a minor. If this was all 5 years later, I would feel more comfortable about it.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:16

I only taught him when he was 18, so he was never a minor.
And I do see where you're coming from, and I am definitely not going in any case.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 20/05/2023 07:19

It feels weird for a reason OP. Politely decline now.

If you paths cross again in a few years you might strike up a genuine adult friendship and that’s fine.

right now you have a teacher/pupil (like) relationship and you cannot therefore be friends.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:21

Yeah you're right. Maybe in a few years!

OP posts:
handydandynotebook · 20/05/2023 07:24

Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 06:14

I like the lad as a friend but there's just so much stigma attached to these things. I don't know tbh. I'll try to bring him but I don't think he'd set foot in a church! I'll see anyway.

Absolutely not then. If you didn't like the lad as a friend then I'd be more inclined to think sure go along and see what the church offers. But I really don't think it will do your professional standing any good to go along as a friend. Back off.

handydandynotebook · 20/05/2023 07:25

Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:21

Yeah you're right. Maybe in a few years!

Why? Because you want to see what the church is like or because you want to be friends?

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:27

I'm not really fussed either way, I got on well with a few of the pupils but equally if I never see them again I'm not bothered. If I see him or the others in a couple of years from now then great.
I won't go as I see now it just looks odd.

OP posts:
lovemytribe · 20/05/2023 07:32

Absolutely not. You were in a position of authority over him, even though he is an adult now this would raise safeguarding questions of grooming. Just don't.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:35

I definitely won't be :)

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CatsOnTheChair · 20/05/2023 07:57

Absolutely don't go.
It's nothing to do with the age gap - if you'd met some other way it would be find to be friends - and all to do with the assistant in education/pupil power imbalance that was present.
Leave it a year or more. If your paths cross again, or you choose to go to the other church, it's a totally different situation.

Original poster
Mrsblobby12 · 20/05/2023 07:59

Yes I think the same. I won't go out of my way, but if I happen to bump into him or the others later down the line in a couple of years then great!

OP posts: