Boss won’t acknowledge me or even look at me ! Driving me mad

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I am baffled so need your wise thoughts please.

I have one to one catch ups with my boss every two or three months. We talk about work team dynamics progression etc All the usual.

But when we are in a social setting like after work drinks or even in some meetings with the team - he won’t even acknowledge me !

He will say a generic ‘how’s everyone’ and ‘bye guys’ when leaving but during the conversation he will talk and look at everyone but me.

to the point I feel awkward and stay quiet or think I’ve done something to really annoy him.

in our catch-up he is totally normal though

AIBU ?

LOL, I am really susceptible to noticing this sort of thing, too!

But, I think I am guilty of the same behaviour - I really only make eye contact with people I’m comfortable with, when talking to a bigger group.

I’m very social, but also quite shy, and talking to a big group isn’t naturally comfortable for me. So I tend to just make eye contact with people I know / am comfortable with.

I honestly wouldn’t take this personally! And you may dismiss your boss as not being shy, but as someone who very much is - but has leant to hide it well, he could well be.

Maybe he fancies you

So, next catch up meeting, raise it! If it’s in team meetings, it’s a problem. Others will have already noticed. Do it in a non-confrontational way - and phrase it about the work meetings. I’m looking for feedback. Is there a problem? Should I be doing something differently. I’d leave the social out and focus on the work impact.

As long as he’s fine with you at work, it doesn’t really matter. Maybe he knows the others more or has more in common with them, maybe you’re just noticing something that isn’t there. I don’t think it matters, just be professional at work, it’s good not to be too friendly anyway ime.

Some managers have a boundary of not being friends with the employees that they line manage. They might lower the boundaries for people outside of their chain of command.

Maybe he wants to keep it 100% work with you, but feels more comfortable letting his guard down with others. Maybe he can stay professional at work, but just generally doesn’t want to be friends with you eg bit of a personality clash, lack of shared interests etc.

Agree with froze sun. If he's ignoring you in team meetings, overlooking your contribution etc it's an issue. He's fine 121 so ask.
Re socially, I think you just have to keep being yourself but accept that it for what it is, unless he's ostracising you

Is he generally nice to you one-on-one?
Agree he might be fancying you, but is probably trying to fight it.

This sounds really familiar, I think someone with the same experience posted on askamanager.com

Ignoring you in social settings - could it be a hierarchy thing? Does anyone else notice it? In meetings (assuming you are there to contribute and partake) it's unacceptable. What happens if you speak directly to him at meetings? I would make a point to talk to him and if he ignores you I'd speak to him at next 1:1 or put it in a email if uncomfortable.

He's got the feels!

If anything he is probably trying to avoid any form of claim that he has been inappropriate. Within work he is comfortable because he knows exactly the parameters. However there is a real culture of complaints (some obviously justified) where a boss is accused of saying something inappropriate when the boundaries of work social are blurred so he is erring on the side of caution to prevent any suggestion he had behaved inappropriately.

They have to work with you, they don’t have to socialise with you.