Apologise to an ex

[Holidayoverdue]

I’ve got a wonderful husband and child and am happy.

Years ago (10+) I dated a nice guy it got really messy and left on bad terms, all my fault I was young, naive and screwed him around.

For years after I’ve felt guilty about my actions, I was a bitch. All contact was cut and I blocked him on everything.

Recently he reached out in LinkedIn on a private message hoping I was well- I kept him at arms length and we chatted briefly about Covid and the weather and he sent over his phone number. He apologised for how things went down all those years ago and I agreed but again very vague.

I suspect he’s still single or at least not settled with a family.

I’d like to reach out to him via withheld number and just have a proper chat, apologising, how are the family and just have a genuinely friendly to catch up and apologise.

If I do call after that I don’t want anything to do with him.

YABU- do NOT make contact, it’ll complicate things and only ease your own guilt which you deserve.

YANBU- it’s good clear the air, however much time has passed, you screwed up and should apologise.

Leave him alone.

I don't think there's any need to do this at all, and I think any of the justifications wouldn't really stack up.

If (for him) it had been that bad I doubt he'd be making friendly contact years later. I would take that as the forgiveness you feel you need and make a concerted effort to move on, including not speaking with him again as there's really no justifiable reason to. If you want to so much that none of that puts you off then I'd perhaps have a think about whether there's more to it for you than you're letting on (and still block and move on).

How would your husband feel if he knew about your contact with this man? How would you feel if the situation were reversed?

Probably best to play safe and step away firmly, however politely, from whatever this is... 🌹

Sometimes an apology will lift a weight off of both shoulders. BUT that doesn't require a phonecall or protected niceties about how each other are doing. If you genuinely want to apologise then put it in a message. Press send and send it off into the world. Then block and do not get tempted to re-engage.

If you are apologising to make them feel better then you don't need the validation back. That only comes if you are apologising for purely selfish reasons.

This is all very selfishly me, me, me.

No 🙄

Don’t go there.

I think that the relationship you now have is worth protecting. You seem to have learned your lessons from your relationship with the Ex which didn’t work for whatever reason so why dredge up all the old memories?

Thanks all.
I think I wanted to just say to him it was my fault not his.

But will leave it as is.

Thanks for all replies x

I said something really terrible to my Uni ex when I was 19, and I still feel awful about it. Something I thought was “bantz” (although the word not invented at that time) but really wasn’t. Surprisingly we kept dating for months afterwards but it was a bit turbulent.

I really want to apologise again, but not going to contact him. Will wait until there’s a uni reunion and hopefully can see him there to say so.

Wouldn’t fancy him again now but just because I feel so bad about it.