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Original poster

Sport club mums! (And dad's!!)

17 replies

NoRestForMe · 18/05/2023 17:12

So DC has recently gone from a village club to a big city club for their chosen sport. Its a competitive club so full on training for all the kids. DC loves the sport so happy to train hard! Think gymnastics/swimming/tennis type sport. Training most days.

Well... OMG, what I wasn't prepared for are the parents! Don't get me wong, there's many great parents there. But some of the parents (of it would seem, the 'best' athletes) are soooo bloody competitive! Looking at everyone's results, comparing their own kid, telling their kids off for not winning, witholdingbpromised treats because kid should have won and didn't, shouting at the kids.

And then... It's, well 'Billy should get exceeded on all is SATS papers this year, he's top of the class', 'Jemima is predicted all 9s in her GCSEs', 'Freddy is so busy with his grade 8 flute, music scholarships and preparing for my international maths challenge, I don't know how we will fit in all his training for the national [their sport] event in the autumn ...'

Half the kids look knackered and like they don't even like the sport! But parents are forcing them to go!

Are all competitive sports like this!? Why do people want their kids to excel in EVERYTHING!! Surely being a good tennis player/football star etc.. is enough, why do the kids also have to be the brightest, best grades, most musical! It's exhausting. I feel the pressure ousing off these parents and I'm not even one of the kids on the receiving end!!

Sorry to sound judgy, if you are one of these parents I don't mean to criticise, but what is happening?

OP posts:
Didtheythough · 18/05/2023 17:21

Ah yes, I've met some of these, it's wierd they are so set on their kid becoming pro in whatever it is, they lose sight of the joy. Also with a club like this in every city in the country, how likely is it really that their child will make it? So why the pressure.

FortyFacedFuckers · 18/05/2023 17:30

My son played a sport at the highest level for most of his childhood & I can honestly say that most of the parents were absolutely nuts, I generally just kept a distance from them and usually found one or two parents that were much more down to earth like myself & befriended them.

Teateaandmoretea · 18/05/2023 17:38

I’d imagine some of the big city club parents are more competitive. My dds both do competitive sport and none of the parents are like that at all. But it’s a local club and any like that leave to go to the city club like you did 🤷🏻‍♀️.

That said I don’t think there’s anything wrong or weird about looking at results for others. But I guess it’s a small club so I know the others and like to see them do well too.

minipie · 18/05/2023 17:47

The reality is that most non competitive parents, even if their child is talented, will go “nah, sod that” as soon as their child is asked to train multiple times a week at unsociable hours, or travel an hour plus and give up their Saturday for a match/competition, or get their child to practise skills over and over at home. So by process of elimination you end up with the competitive nutcases at this level.

Didtheythough · 18/05/2023 18:19

Yes @minipie has a really good point actually, theres one child I know that is really very exceptionally talented, could make it, and his very nice, sensible parents are in bits over the decision of whether to go all out with training to the exclusion of eveything else he loves and any hope of a relaxed childhood, or just be a bit more moderate and accommodate his other interests, no easy answer.

Teateaandmoretea · 18/05/2023 18:43

@Didtheythough I think there is an easy answer. If he’s really going to make it he’ll still be talented if he changes his mind and goes all out in a year’s time. Balance is really important and the vast majority of talented kids don’t make it either, because they don’t live it enough or don’t quite have the right mindset.

They are kids and balance is important.

That said we do give up weekends for competitions. I think most kids who do sport do matches/ competitions that’s the point of it surely?

Pearfacebananapoop · 18/05/2023 18:48

My child is at a competitive club... it's not so much the performance parenting but the obsession with it that drives me mad. There are emails ALL day. WhatsApp's ALL day. Most are incoherent half the time unless you've done the sport for 25 years and I have no idea what the fuck is going on!

edwinbear · 18/05/2023 19:10

I check other kids results mainly to mange DS’s expectations. He’s at a club which has produced a number of Olympians, one still competing, so it attracts a high number of very good kids. If we have positions for say 3 kids and we have 8 ‘ranked’ higher than DS, it’s better he knows he won’t get a spot at this particular event. I’ve never shouted at him, withdrawn treats etc. I just like him to realise he’s competing against a particularly strong cohort.

Hankunamatata · 18/05/2023 19:12

Usually their what's app posts in group chats are a whole new level of batshit. The kids arnt there to have fun the are there to learn to be the best blah blah blah (eye roll)

Werewolfnotswearwolf · 18/05/2023 19:13

I’m so sorry this is pedantic and not helpful but it’s driving me mad and I’m trying to get to the bottom of why so many people do it - why no apostrophe in mums but you think there should be one in ‘dad’s’?!
(probably will be removed and absolutely fair enough!)

Original poster
NoRestForMe · 18/05/2023 23:09

Werewolfnotswearwolf · 18/05/2023 19:13

I’m so sorry this is pedantic and not helpful but it’s driving me mad and I’m trying to get to the bottom of why so many people do it - why no apostrophe in mums but you think there should be one in ‘dad’s’?!
(probably will be removed and absolutely fair enough!)

Ha ha!! No idea! Sorry. Didn't know I did that!

OP posts:
SertralineAndTherapy · 18/05/2023 23:21

My DS(15) is national champion in his (admittedly small) sport and will represent GB in the world championships this summer. He is Grade 6 in two instruments, sings in a cathedral choir, is predicted straight 9s, and is in the running for an engineering scholarship. None of this comes from us! We'd be very happy if he dropped some of this; in the past he did even more, but there weren't enough days in the week.

DD(18), now at uni, hates all organised activity and has entirely solitary and unstructured hobbies.

Sometimes it does come from the kids rather than the parents. The craziest parents I met were on the competitive ballroom dancing circuit (that was DS, too, once upon a time).

Motherland2624 · 18/05/2023 23:26

minipie · 18/05/2023 17:47

The reality is that most non competitive parents, even if their child is talented, will go “nah, sod that” as soon as their child is asked to train multiple times a week at unsociable hours, or travel an hour plus and give up their Saturday for a match/competition, or get their child to practise skills over and over at home. So by process of elimination you end up with the competitive nutcases at this level.

“competitive nutcases” that is a brilliant description

Motherland2624 · 18/05/2023 23:29

One of my boys is great at tennis natural ability since 4 years old goes to a local club that is cheap and cheerful
this one mum literally wanted to fight me because my kid was smiling after he beat hers and she spends £100s a month on lessons and my son goes to a unimportant club
so glad he is of a age where he can go on his own now

Original poster
NoRestForMe · 18/05/2023 23:34

SertralineAndTherapy · 18/05/2023 23:21

My DS(15) is national champion in his (admittedly small) sport and will represent GB in the world championships this summer. He is Grade 6 in two instruments, sings in a cathedral choir, is predicted straight 9s, and is in the running for an engineering scholarship. None of this comes from us! We'd be very happy if he dropped some of this; in the past he did even more, but there weren't enough days in the week.

DD(18), now at uni, hates all organised activity and has entirely solitary and unstructured hobbies.

Sometimes it does come from the kids rather than the parents. The craziest parents I met were on the competitive ballroom dancing circuit (that was DS, too, once upon a time).

Blimey!!! Well done him!

OP posts:
Original poster
NoRestForMe · 18/05/2023 23:35

minipie · 18/05/2023 17:47

The reality is that most non competitive parents, even if their child is talented, will go “nah, sod that” as soon as their child is asked to train multiple times a week at unsociable hours, or travel an hour plus and give up their Saturday for a match/competition, or get their child to practise skills over and over at home. So by process of elimination you end up with the competitive nutcases at this level.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
Teateaandmoretea · 24/05/2023 09:30

Sometimes it does come from the kids rather than the parents.

Well if they actually are successful and make it to the top it has to. No amount of parental pushing makes national/ international champions if the kid isn’t 100% on board.

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