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Original poster

What's the etiquette in this situation?

28 replies

gimmeme · 18/05/2023 17:03

I've known a guy from out and about the past few years. We recently started chatting and now I'm going over to his this weekend.

I've made it clear I'm interested in purely sex and he seems fine with that. He asked if I wanted to come over this weekend for a few drinks. I agreed.

I don't think I could go and have sex the first time without a little Dutch courage.

But my question is - how does this go? Do I go in and have a few drinks and a chat? Then say we are both feeling it and have sex, how long after do I leave? I don't want to be rude and leave straight away but also don't want to stay etc.

How does this go?

OP posts:
strawberryurchin · 18/05/2023 17:05

maybe say just before anything happens, after a couple of drinks, that you won't be staying overnight, whatever happens. be clear and upfront.

Sarahtm35 · 18/05/2023 17:30

Just be completely up front that you won’t be staying etc, and to be honest I doubt with him being a man he’ll care in the slightest. Once you’ve had sex he’ll probably want to sleep anyway.

Original poster
gimmeme · 18/05/2023 18:58

Bump

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 18/05/2023 19:19

I've made it clear I'm interested in purely sex and he seems fine with that.

If you’re confident enough to have had that conversation with him, you’re probably confident enough to discuss your plans for logistics. Just talk to him about it.

Aprilx · 18/05/2023 19:22

I don’t understand the issue. You have already told him you only want sex, he is probably delighted. Go over, leave when you want.

Original poster
gimmeme · 18/05/2023 19:35

Aprilx · 18/05/2023 19:22

I don’t understand the issue. You have already told him you only want sex, he is probably delighted. Go over, leave when you want.

I know but it's like do I literally just pop up straight after and say, 'thanks I'm going to go' or do I wait thirty minutes whilst he's thinking, 'please fucking leave'

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 18/05/2023 19:38

I've checked Debretts and you have 2 drinks, start making out and take it from there.

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2023 19:39

And you have a 5 minute cuddle after then leave.

AMuser · 18/05/2023 19:40

Fine to have the Uber outside as you’re cleaning up …

Original poster
gimmeme · 18/05/2023 19:44

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2023 19:39

And you have a 5 minute cuddle after then leave.

😂😂😅 thanks for this, very informative

OP posts:
Speedweed · 18/05/2023 19:47

I find it's best to tell them I'll only be staying an hour when they put the money on the nightstand, so they don't think I'll be there all night...

Ponoka7 · 18/05/2023 19:49

You get dressed, he might offer a coffee. You decide if you want a drink before you leave. Are you getting a taxi home? That might take time to arrive. Until you shag him you won't know if he's up to being a fuck buddy, so you can't plan ahead to see him again. But yes you don't stick around. You need to both go into this with honesty. There's been times when I've had two/three on the go and likewise them, so either of you possibly won't be available on call. You need good boundaries.

pigsDOfly · 18/05/2023 19:50

There is no 'etiquette'.

Go there, do what you want to do and leave.

Ponoka7 · 18/05/2023 19:54

Also if you need alcohol to do it, you shouldn't be doing it.

PurpleBananaSmoothie · 18/05/2023 19:55

You just go with the flow. You might want to go again (and again if you’re lucky) so there’s no point jumping straight out of bed if that’s what you want. Or if it’s been worthwhile going over you might need more than 5 minutes to get your breath back. You get up when you’re ready, you can use the bathroom as an excuse, then get dressed and leave. He might offer a drink after and you say yes if you want it or no if you don’t.

Original poster
gimmeme · 18/05/2023 20:00

Speedweed · 18/05/2023 19:47

I find it's best to tell them I'll only be staying an hour when they put the money on the nightstand, so they don't think I'll be there all night...

How much should I charge though? Per hour

OP posts:
Iyjd · 18/05/2023 20:02

Ponoka7 · 18/05/2023 19:54

Also if you need alcohol to do it, you shouldn't be doing it.

There’s a difference between OP having a glass of wine and a skinful and riding him with chunder down her arm.

ClusterFuckIt · 18/05/2023 20:03

He might me shit, in which case leave immediately but otoh it might be the best sex of your life and you might want to go again in half an hour - be a shame to have a taxi waiting outside then!

I’d play it entirely by ear.

Original poster
gimmeme · 18/05/2023 20:06

I'm very self conscious about my weight (stomach mainly) and I haven't had sex in a few years Blush absolutely no chance I could do this without a glass or three of wine first time.

OP posts:
SnapOutOfIt1 · 18/05/2023 20:14

Go to his, ask for a drink and take it from there. Go straight home after sex if that's what you want to do, stay and have another drink if you're comfortable. There's no etiquette, only what you feel ok with. Have fun!

Riapia · 18/05/2023 20:14

You leave the instant that he crosses the room, opens the door and shouts “ next “.
😉😁😁😁

Speedweed · 18/05/2023 20:59

gimmeme · 18/05/2023 20:00

How much should I charge though? Per hour

Show quote history

Whatever's in his change pot!

MakeItRain · 18/05/2023 21:07

Oysterbabe · 18/05/2023 19:38

I've checked Debretts and you have 2 drinks, start making out and take it from there.

😂

maslinpan · 18/05/2023 21:20

If you are "very self conscious about my weight (stomach mainly) and I haven't had sex in a few years  absolutely no chance I could do this without a glass or three of wine first time." are you absolutely sure that this is the way you want it to be? If you are already worrying about your exit strategy, this suggests that this may not be the kindest way of easing yourself back into the game. Do you feel comfortable enough with this person?

blueigloo · 18/05/2023 21:22

I don’t think you’re ready for this OP. If all you want is sex then go don’t need a play by play of the logistics