To be hurt by this remark?

[PawtyTime]

I was in France yesterday with a new friend for a day trip and she was remarking how many people were wearing Breton tops and how she would like to have one. I said that they didn't suit me and her reply was 'No, I am a bit skinnier than you'.

AIBU to be hurt by this remark? I don't think she was intending to be hurtful, but just made an off the cuff remark. Maybe I am hurt because I am feeling quite insecure about my appearance right now and I think she was probably right in assuming that this style wouldn't suit me because the horizontal stripes would make me look bigger.

For context I am in my 60s, a size 12-14, weigh 10 and a half stone, but don't eat massively and try to eat healthily and exercise regularly, but find it hard to lose weight now. My friend is 10 years older but a size 10, although she is concerned that she is too big!

I am 5' 2'' and my friend is about the same.

I can't imagine she thought it was a compliment, but if she doesn't have form for being cruel if chalk it up to a foot-in-mouth moment and try not to dwell on it.

Sounds factual. I won't be offended if it's the truth.

Rude! Sounds like she might have some body issues fueling that remark.
I wouldn’t take it personally, if she’s a good friend, but If she’s one of those friends who puts you down a lot, time to take stock and see if it’s a good friendship , maybe?

When someone talks about something they're interested in, do you have a habit of turning the conversation back to yourself? Not saying you do but it can get pretty grating.

I wasn't turning it back to me, it was just a general conversation over lunch.She is quite a new friend and I don't know her that well yet.

She is attractive and well put together and appears very confident. Though, as barmycatmum says, I think there are some insecurities, probably because she has had several previous relationships where she was treated appallingly, including a husband of 30 years who worked abroad and, totally unexpectedly, rang to tell her that the marriage was over and that was the last she heard from him. This was after he had remortgaged the house for a project that failed and she and the three children lost their home.

She didn't try to put me down, as such, but kept translating everything for me, although I speak tolerably good French, which was a bit annoying. Then we visited a kitchen shop where she kept explaining everything to me, such as 'this is for shucking oysters', this is for making melon balls etc.

I do like her but she is a new friend and I have committed to going to stay with her for at a house she will be renting in France and now I am slightly having second thoughts. She says I am the only person she sees regularly since she moved into the area after living in France, she is lonely and wants to make new friends.

I think I am probably being oversensitive and need to be kind, but maybe not spend too much time with her.

I think if someone who was skinnier than me said they were, I'd just agree. Or do you think only skinny bodies look good?

Anyone can wear a Breton top as long as they buy the right size and shape for their body!

A bit blunt but wouldn’t give it a lot of thought

I don’t agree that one wouldn’t suit you but if she is smaller than you, isn’t that just stating the obvious? I wouldn’t be offended by that because I know what size I am and can see what size they are.

To me it sounds like you actually don’t like her. You seem annoyed by her stating the obvious and annoyed for her translating/explaining. Did you tell her that it wasn’t necessary to translate/explain? Did you have another reason as to why you didn’t think the top would suit you? What do you actually like about her?

It was a needless thing for her to say, I would be hurt as well. She could have just said nothing, it didn't add anything useful to the conversation.

I wouldn't like all the patronising translation and explanations either.

To some extent people treat you in a way that you self-present so if you seem quite self-deprecating about weight or knowledge some people will take that very literally. So maybe if you want to keep being friends with her be more assertive about showing your knowledge, and don't mention you feel overweight (if you ever do).

I'd be wary. Don't rush this friendship. She sounds fairly controlling.
Or maybe stick up for yourself?