To have finally hit that spot where nostalgia is painful?

[ridemesideway]

Sparked by music, specifically. Listening to music and watching music videos from 1985-89 I was hit with a punch in the gut. I was a 10 year old then. Life was very simple, we had no money but we were happy. My older sister loved Curiosity Killed The Cat and Nik Kershaw and A-ha and I idolised her.

Then my mum had a massive breakdown and ended up in a psych hospital for six months (I do remember her spending a lot of time lying on the sofa when I was that age) and everything changed. She was ill for all of my early teenage years. I had a rough puberty. I was lost and clueless and it’s only in recent years that I’ve started to unravel how much those years affected me and set me on a course in life that took me a long time to get past.

I’d always thought of nostalgia as a nice comfort feeling but it’s painful in a lot of ways. My dad died a couple of years ago and maybe it’s because my DS is now the same age I was when everything fell apart for me that it hits differently.

I relate so much. When my eldest was the age that I was when my mum left I spent that entire year wondering if I could leave my kids too…

It’s so strange. I think I might be overcompensating with my DS, just hyper aware of how my own life crashed at his age now.

I find nostalgia painful now too.

Me too,I totally get it it's an awful feeling 😞 xxx

I get that feeling when I go back to my hometown. I used to be able to go there and just enjoy seeing familiar stuff but once my kids reached a certain age it was like something unlocked inside me and memories of childhood abuse really came to the fore. Now when I go there I remember many more feelings and bad situations associated with those places. I had planned to retire back there but I don't think I can now.

It is understandable but you can take some control WRT your feelings and your DS. Do some active work on your feelings - you could see a counsellor or you could do something like writing or drawing to get them out - and also work out how you will use your experience to deliver something better for your DS.

Also remember he is not you and his life has been completely different - don't project onto him.

If you have a stable life after a lot of instability you have much to be proud of

You have to remember that nostalgia is largely a trick of the mind. It's a form of grief.

But what the brain will hide from you is that 95% of the time things were not as you now remember them.
It's just a way of trying to recreate the largely falsely remembered past. You don't need to feel nostalgia to have good times again.

Yes I think that makes perfect sense

Music can be so triggering. My upbringing was pretty humble and it wasn't a happy one, I have very few happy memories from my childhood, so I can relate to the feelings of nostalgia being painful.

I lost my dp 8 years ago, I still find things like music triggering.