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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Expect DP to help more

6 replies

ASHxxx · 17/05/2023 22:39

Bit of context we have 3 young children (Ds 6 Dt -twins 2) DP works away Mon-Fri, I have 2 jobs equaling working FT.

DP took eldest 6 out last night, late night for a school night as a special treat and were home about 10pm. DP comes home in the week to cover me working a 2nd job in the evenings but will rarely come home otherwise (unless for a social events for himself) he took DS out and they would be home late for a school night. I asked if he would be able to stay home in the morning to help get DS to school, whilst I get myself ready to get to office and get DT ready for nursery- knowing DS will be tired and having to get all 3 and myself out in the morning is often a struggle at the best of times.

He’s point blank refused saying it’s ‘my responsibility’ and questioning ’if I’ll manage’ getting DS to school as it is ‘my job and I do it everyday’. I pushed back saying I would be fine as I often do it - I don’t always have to be in the office so not always such a rush and that I was only asking. He has got in a mood, slamming doors, saying he won’t do it as it’s an ‘important day’ for him. But nothing he couldn’t have foreseen and every day seems to be an ‘important day’.

AIBU to kind of expect that he would help out in the week if our ‘routine’ is going to be put out due to his plans?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 17/05/2023 22:43

Where does he stay in the week it sounds as if he has checked out
What does he bring to your life

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 17/05/2023 22:48

No he shouldn't "help" you, he should do 50% parenting of HIS children as a default setting.

You're both working FT, so childcare should be split equally between you, as well as housework and other chores.

Stop thinking of it as "help" and start expecting that he parents effectively and is an equal partner in your relationship, otherwise what is the point of being with him?

NotmykingEatCake · 17/05/2023 22:51

How long would his commute be if he didn't stay over and how much family money is spent on his staying away?

Clementineorsatsuma · 17/05/2023 22:53

StopMindlesslyScrolling · 17/05/2023 22:48

No he shouldn't "help" you, he should do 50% parenting of HIS children as a default setting.

You're both working FT, so childcare should be split equally between you, as well as housework and other chores.

Stop thinking of it as "help" and start expecting that he parents effectively and is an equal partner in your relationship, otherwise what is the point of being with him?

Came here to say this but you've said it better!

Tho I was flamed a couple of weeks ago for daring to suggest this!

Undisclosedlocation · 17/05/2023 22:56

So he’s only there for weekends and the occasional evening?
Is that a choice or a genuine need? It doesn’t sound like it’s due to a long commute if he can do some evenings.
What is your relationship like in general? How hands on is he at weekends. Not Disney dad taking them out for fun, the chores and grind

billy1966 · 17/05/2023 22:58

You poor woman.

What a selfish lazy loser.

You really have your hands full and he is determined to avoid sharing the load as muchbas possible.

The slamming around is to prevent you asking again.

Classic abusive arsehole move.

I'm sorry he is such a shit partner and father.

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