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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To this something is going on

22 replies

Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 21:19

Since the start of april my husband has
Taken the picture of me and him off what's app
Started doing his hair and shaving frequently
Wearing nice clothes
Stopped calling me during the day atball when he's called 1-3 times a day for 15years
Shouting at me when I ask why
Staring into space at home and barely talking to me
Going in the bath I'm sure to avoid me

Not going to be shocked by the responses but ...... AIBU that somethings going on

OP posts:
Switchingup · 17/05/2023 21:21

Its a change In his behaviour so SOMETHING is happening

Have you asked him?

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 21:24

Yes he shouts at me and says I'm.being paranoid

OP posts:
Fallingintothings · 17/05/2023 21:25

Yes, something is going on

caggie2 · 17/05/2023 21:26

Sounds like another woman at the worst, mid life crisis at best.

Vallmo47 · 17/05/2023 21:27

Something, absolutely. But it could be he’s struggling with mental health/illness/financial concerns etc. But yes it sounds suspicious, sorry.

Sissynova · 17/05/2023 21:27

Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 21:24

Yes he shouts at me and says I'm.being paranoid

Have you been asking him if he’s having an affair?

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 21:29

No

OP posts:
SoShallINever · 17/05/2023 21:30

Shouting at you? Yeah that would have to stop right now. Don't tolerate verbal abuse.

advice222 · 17/05/2023 21:30

Been there, it was an affair. The ‘going into the bath’ was time to send texts to OW. Hope it’s not the same for you OP.

Clipboard007 · 17/05/2023 21:31

Absolutely something going on. So many red flags. Trust your instinct. Play it cool, try to get evidence.

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 21:34

Haha its so predicable why are men such dicks. He had a gf when I met him so obviously he was going to do it again .
I think it's a girl at his work poor her that's her life ruined.
He's destroyed my life and my relationship with my friends and family I've put up with so much shit I will actually get the flags out

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 17/05/2023 22:01

Hmm. Upgrade in grooming and dressing, removal of your photo, ceased calling, blanking and avoiding you at home, shouting and blame-shifting when you question him…

LDA, it sounds like he’s investing in infidelity and putting distance between you to self-justify it. Knowledge is power, so I would investigate his phone, phone bills, bank statements, etc. Check for a second phone, as well as receipts.

At some point, even if you don’t find evidence, you’ll need to inform him that the change in him is unacceptable — that he is treating you with contempt, and you are considering your options under the circumstances.

I hope you can get to the bottom of this, LDA.

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 17/05/2023 22:08

What's LDA is it bad that I have no interest in checking any of that stuff plus he has never in 15years shared password etc so it would be to hard too. But I really don't care I just want him to be a grown up and tell me if I have to snoop I become the bad guy
He told me a few weeks ago he's lonely as I'm the only person he has he doesn't have friends really. But he's treating me like shit funny way to treat you friend

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 17/05/2023 22:11

I shortened LockedDownAgain to LDA.

Equalitea · 18/05/2023 07:27

If he had a girlfriend when you met then yes, I’d predict he’s got another woman.

Chances are he won’t admit it though, I think often they don’t, cake and eat it and all that. Did he admit it to his girlfriend when you were the other woman?

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/05/2023 07:41

Vallmo47 · 17/05/2023 21:27

Something, absolutely. But it could be he’s struggling with mental health/illness/financial concerns etc. But yes it sounds suspicious, sorry.

I've never known any of those things make a man shave more.

It seems as though his head has been turned. I would be on high alert now.

determinedtomakethiswork · 18/05/2023 07:42

Start very quietly get all your finances sorted. It sounds as though he's going to be no great loss.

YukoandHiro · 18/05/2023 07:44

Vallmo47 · 17/05/2023 21:27

Something, absolutely. But it could be he’s struggling with mental health/illness/financial concerns etc. But yes it sounds suspicious, sorry.

Sorry but i'm afraid you don't shave and bath more frequency and buy and wear nice clothes if you're in the midst of a depression or financial crisis.

....

Wallywobbles · 18/05/2023 08:48

Id view this as a boost to action. Your life would be better without him so take steps to make that happen before he decides staying is his best option.

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 18/05/2023 11:34

I feel so sad that I don't feel sad I can only feel excitement that I wouldn't need to deal with his shit daily they only problem is I can't aford to rent where I live as its a tourist trap and all rental are air b and b now.
I might need to mover about 30mins away but I'd keep my daughter at the school and travel for her. I don't have many friends and my family are hours away so I'm scared of being alone but I'm totally alone as it is.

I honestly pray he's not having an affair cos I'm scared he'll destroy their life like he destroyed mine

OP posts:
Equalitea · 18/05/2023 12:31

He’s having an affair. It’s always hard ending a relationship.

Original poster
Lockeddownagain · 18/05/2023 13:38

I think he is but I always know where he is so I'm really unsure how he is I work in the same placement so i know when he's at work etc

OP posts:
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