Men who *Wear the trousers in a relationship

[Backinthesummerof95]

Will probably get flamed for the saying by some, but I’m just using it as a saying.
Looking around at my friendship groups over the years, nearly all were either a balance or in the majority of cases , it was the woman who wears the trousers.
I have a lovely new mum friend, her Dh is ok in some ways, but he’s always putting her down and complaining about her in front of everyone, they’re also the type to sort of get at each other in front of everyone.
She’s literally one of the nicest, most positive people I’ve ever met, far too good for him. I hate being sat with him when he puts her down and complains about her, what would you do and do you think it’s quite rare to see guys like this nowadays?

What's him being an arsehole got to do with "wearing the trousers"?

I’m a bit confused, what has your first paragraph got to do with
the rest of your post?

Sorry, I mean he’s the strong male type, a real alpha, tells her what to do etc…I just rarely see this type of guy in friends relationships etc. I suppose he would be most definitely described as the one who wears the trousers. Hope I’m making sense 🙈

First 2 replies nailed it.

Also if she’s “literally one of the nicest, most positive people I’ve ever met” then you’ve not met any - as she gets at him too, in front of people?

Weird post.

Btw adding the word “literally” usually makes your following statement sound less credible 😉

Nice replies..what’s the point in being so rude, what have I said wrong?
I’m not sure, I see her doing it a fair bit, maybe trying to get her own back at him, some type of control, I don’t know.

He's not a ' strong male type' , he's an arse. Any man 'telling me what to do" will get a resting bitch face and a firm "excuse me?! It's "please do this" from me.

Because “wearing the trousers” usually refers to the person in a relationship who makes the decisions. It doesn’t relate to the couple you’re talking about because he sounds a nasty arse.

I think there have always been men like this and there always will. My dad probably 'wore the trousers' in that my mum followed his lead and let him have the final say in family decisions, but he never put her down or said awful things to her in front of people, or in private, as far as I know.

'Strong male alpha' my arse. 😆

My husband is a strong male alpha. He is kind and lovely to me, kind to our adult children, kind to neighbours and friends, and kind to family. We are a great team. He protects the people around him, and is a wonderful human being, who loves animals, and would help anyone.

A 'strong male alpha' is not a twat to his woman. This man sounds like a vile dickhead.

He sounds abusive and I dread to think what’s he like in private if like that in public

What a bizarre post!

I worry that he is abusive tbh

I don’t think this ‘type’ is unusual nowadays at all. I think it’s very common.

@DannyZukosSmile beautiful words about your husband. I feel exactly the same about mine. He’s a truly exceptional human and I love him dearly. He’s a wonderful example of a man to our boys.

So if him putting her down in public means he “wears the trousers” does that mean that the women you know who “wear the trousers” do similar? I’m so confused. What does “wearing the trousers” mean to you?

The title and content of tone post have absolutely no relation to each other at all!

Ok, Jesus, forget it, it’s ok.

If you are using ‘wears the trousers’ to mean the more dominant partner who tends to make more decisions a) it’s as easy to explain what you mean as use a sexist term and b) he isn’t doing that, he is ‘an arsehole’.

A 'strong male alpha' is not a twat to his woman. This man sounds like a vile dickhead.

Yup!

These two things have literally nothing to do with each other. As above, my husband is a “strong male alpha”, if you will. He’s never been unkind to me, the DC, or anyone else that I know of, for a minute. That’s not really in the definition, usually the kind of man you describe is actually really weak and trying to power trip.

You’re getting these replies because what you said was actually rather offensive towards men. I don’t think you meant it that way as it sounds like your friends are all married to passive/nonmasculine men and therefore your experience is based on that, but still.

And yes, you are describing an abusive man, not one that is alpha, masculine, a strong male, or “wearing the trousers.” It’s fortunate that this is the first one that you’ve come across amongst your friends.

Can we just stop with the alpha stuff? Its incel red-pill bullshit.