To waste money already spent on flights by not going to abroad wedding?

[NameChange3002]

We are invited to my cousins wedding this summer abroad (in August). They live in UK and have no connection to the country if that matters. We knew it was in a remote location (think vineyard/castle type place about 45 minutes drive from main hub), but figured lots of people were in the same boat family wise and it would be nice to attend.
We booked flights.
We have toddler DS and now more details have come out we just don’t know whether to do it. The wedding doesn’t start until 5.30pm! Presumably because of the heat in august but DS is normally in bed for 7pm…the meal is not being served until 8pm ish.
There is also an open pond so I feel we can’t even drink as I am going to have to my eyes peeled.
It turns out other family members are leaving their kids with in laws etc (not an option for us) so our DS will be the only small child going.
It is expected to wind up at 4am…we were planning on sharing a mini bus with family but now clearly everyone else will be there a lot lot later than we will and we are looking at a €100-150 taxi back. We can’t stay on site.

We are feeling the pull of family duty a bit here as it’s the only time all of the adults in the family will have been together for a decade- some cousins are spread across Europe. And who knows…maybe DS will sleep in the buggy and we can enjoy it.
However we are also mindful we could be wrestling a hot, overtired, tantrumming DS and not get to speak to any family and it all feel a bit like £1k+ gone down the drain…it’s feeling like quite an adults only boozy weekend. I also don’t want to go on my own and leave DH & DS.

We have spent just £200 on flights…should I back out now whilst we still can and write off the money as a sunk cost?
Tried to discuss it with some family members but they are quite dismissive, tell me it will be fine and everyone will keep an eye out for DS.

No way I'd go through all that for a cousins wedding, it definitely doesn't sound like it will be fun for you. DD would never have slept in a buggy with all that carrying on, especially not in that sort of heat.

Forget the wedding but keep the flights and just have a nice family holiday/ break instead.

Are you sure you can't get a refund on flights, if only just booked?
Or transfer them to an appropriate holiday plan?

Has anyone else from the wedding party who’s flying from your airport not bought flights? If so, they could pay to transfer them into their name (generally cheaper than them booking their own, new tickets)

Could your partner stay home with the toddler?. You can still go and celebrate and have a catch up with your family

Go, but let DC and DP stay in the hotel. You can do something during the day, then go to the wedding and share minibus back

Surely the only thing that's changed since you booked the flights is the 4am finish? Everything else is standard for a wedding. Keep the flights and enjoy a break but don't go the wedding if you don't want to.

It is your life your happiness.I would go but ask and see if any other relatives want to leave before 0400hrs and book a taxi for 2300hrs with a few other guests.
your dc will tire himself out no doubt having a great time.As the only young child he will have lots of attention,you and your dh can agree to have a couple of drinks each and still look after dc,that's what you would do at home anyway?
go and have an amazing family holiday.

You all go but only you go to the wedding seems like the logical answer here. I wouldn’t be comfortable with taking my toddler to a long boozy wedding and hoping he’d just nap in his buggy, it wouldn’t seem fair to him and I just wouldn’t enjoy myself as a result. If he was asleep back in a hotel with DH however, I’d have a blast.

£200 is pretty cheap for flights. So I wouldn't be too upset if I wasted it and didn't go. But first I would try and swap the flights for another date/place (some airlines are good about this) or sell to someone that hasn't got flights yet.

But ultimately I don't think I would go.

You shouldn’t cancel something amazing just because you’ve imposed a 7pm bedtime on your kid. The child will survive. It sounds like you’re already finding excuses not to go so just own it and don’t go.

Erm the 5.30pm start.... Start of witching hour for most under 3s in the height of summer

I like family weddings so probably would all travel, and then one parent bring DC back to the accommodation around 11pm. We did something similar a few years ago, we'll we brought DC back a bit later than that, they slept in pram.
The other family members will not keep an eye on DC, they will be too busy enjoying themselves. I'm not bothered about drinking a lot at weddings or any occasions really so wouldn't feel I was missing out.

Do you have a kid, out of interest? It’s not ‘imposing’ a 7pm bedtime- it generally works best for young children to get rest and have a routine. Sure, on holiday you push it a bit later but expecting a toddler to kip in a buggy in the height of summer in the middle of an adults party would generally be ludicrous to most responsible parents.

I think either you go on your own to the wedding or you all go and book a taxi for midnight. I bet when it comes to it you'll have at least one other passenger to share the costs.
Is there absolutely nowhere closer or cheaper you could stay?

Trust me the bedtime is ‘imposed’ for good reason! He has stayed up till 10-11pm on special days and then is grumpy, overtired and miserable for 2 days after. At home he takes himself up to bed now!

He has been to weddings before in the UK and done really well from my perspective, leaving about 10.30pm. However those are weddings that started about 12-1pm so he lasted well into the evening do, and where we were staying on site or so close we may as well be, so could nip back for a bit of destimulation.
What has changed in terms of information is the start and end times.
Nothing was set in stone but cousins dad said he was going to pay for a free minibus back; now that is booked for 3am!

We can pay for the taxi but then it’s stacking up…we could stay in a village nearer the wedding but then it would add the additional logistical issue of more transport and not arriving until very late when we are already taking a plane, and then a train after that, just to get to be 45 mins away by car.

I know it seems I don’t want to go, I wouldn’t have minded if it had been in a resort or a city but it’s in the middle of absolutely now where and I wish o hadn’t taken the reassurances about transport being provided really
I am thinking about going just myself but think they might take it as a snub from my DH

I’d go on my own and explain that your DH is at home with your DC.

I think it sounds like an expensive logistical nightmare. I love a party and I love my family but I would not be spending upwards of £1k on a few days abroad.

I'd do this!

Go and organise an earlier taxi. Let your toddler stay up a bit late, you or dh or all of you leave at 10 or whatever works.

Nah I would say bye to the spent money.

Mine still has a set bedtime (year 1 age) and we all know about it if bedtime has been later!

It sounds too stressful- all of it not just the 3am taxi.

I'm sure family mean well 'we can all keep an eye' but when the drinks are flowing I doubt (unless you have granny or old aunt Mavis) people will 'help'. He won't be familiar with them anyway.

Have a family holiday for the 3 of you instead

Don't fall for the sunken cost fallacy, be willing to lose the £200 rather than spending hundreds more for something you don't want to do just so you don't lose the flight money.

Just go yourself, it's not a snub if you explain it was too hard with the toddler. Clearly the rest of the family felt the same way about their small children.

Or write off the £200.

I agree not to bring the toddler. it's sounding like a very expensive weekend that you won't even enjoy.