is it ok for my parents to ask me to transfer £4k that same day to help with their business disbursements? Detail below:
Im an only child and have 2 young kids. I’m currently on Mat leave from a professional job.
my salary is good as is my husbands - but I work long hours for that. And we live in London with high housing costs and nursery costs and later this year I’ll be paying another £2k for my youngest to go to nursery. It’s extortionate
my parents are OAPs but aren’t able to retire - they are self employed professionals but have mismanaged money their whole lives - my dad is eccentric and to be honest has a temper and can be manipulative and emotionally abusive.
they have never saved, or had a pension (my dad doesn’t trust pension providers!) and have borrowed loads (personal debts and business debts). but did manage to buy a 5 bed house in London and another smaller house which they let. Equity has built up and he recently did an equity release on the larger house to be able to live there. But not enough to retire.
For the past 30 years my parents have said they don’t want to do what they do but have never done anything else, done any research or taken advice.
my dad doesn’t even have a will as he doesn’t like to think about death. I mean it’s just shocking. And I can argue with him until my face turns blue - he is stubborn and narrow minded.
anyway ever since I started working in a grad role my parents have asked me for money occasionally (sometimes every few months, sometimes not for a few years) - and I have given what I can. Once I even took out a pay day loan to give them money because my dad said he would be bankrupt otherwise and also threatened suicide. He called me when I was in my office and it’s all I could think about that day as a grad.
recently my parents buy to let mortgage has increased on their small house and they are saying they have a lot of financial issues - eg their boiler doesn’t work. and on my birthday(!) they asked me for £1k and said they would pay me back. I was annoyed but gave it. They have paid me back £100.
then a few days ago they asked me for £4k- for that same day!!
it was to pay disbursements for their business - maybe a customer hadn’t paid them or something.
I have some savings but that’s to last me for my Mat leave and for when my youngest starts nursery - and for when we need to refinance our mortgage in a few months. And we were saving for a loft conversion tbh. £4k isn’t a drop in the ocean for us! I told them I can’t do that. My dad said: goodbye and told me I’m incredibly selfish and that he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. He said he will be bankrupt that day if I don’t.
but now I feel guilty. Do I give him this money - it’s a chunk of my savings and not a drop in the ocean.
if I pay them this month, I don’t trust that they will pay me back which means we will lose that money which we need.
we don’t love a frivolous life. It’s not like I go to the Maldives - we do have an extended 3 bed house in London but it’s still smaller than their 5 bed!
i feel like if I give them this money then it won’t stop.
and does it mean I can’t eg go on holidays with my kids or even day trips or do a loft conversion which we need - when they are suffering. They work hard but so do I - weekends and late nights. If I had the money I would give it anyway.
my DH says they are abusive but we need to be close for the kids.
I give my mum £200 a month anyway and pay for her health insurance - happy to do that.
aibu in not giving them this money as and when they want it - usually the same day.
Just at a total loss as to whether this is normal, reasonable, ok.
thanks