To ask for help with toddlers sleep. Desperate.

[ChiChaNaYubi]

My 18 month old has gone from sleeping through in his own bed to only sleeping on me. I can’t even lay him down in his bed anymore and it’s killing me. I can’t even start sleep training as he just screams and screams until he’s sick even if I’m sat right next to him. I do all the bedtimes alone as my husband is at work and it means I’m not getting to spend any time with my older one. He just screams and screams.

I would do sleep training Ferber method. Don't stay in the room with him - that will just prolong it. Do the bedtime routine, explain he has to sleep on his own, and come in and check/reassure for a few seconds after 3,5,7 minutes etc. He will get the idea. Is he still in a cot? You don't need to lie him down, just put him in it. If he's in a bed put a babygate on the door.

He's able to sleep on his own he just doesn't want to. Unfortunately toddlers can't have everything they want and this is no different.

How did it start? What’s the current routine, (ie how does he get to sleep, are you literally holding him?)

He’s sprouted a load of teeth recently which I know isn’t helping but he’s so clingy at night now. He falls asleep lying on me n my bed and I transfer him to his cot. Sometimes I’m lucky and he will stay asleep for a few hours but tonight I’ve been up and down with him 4 times now and he went to sleep at 7:30.

I'm going to go against the grain and say just go with it! He must need you close at the moment but it's likely to pass in a few days. Toddlers do weird things but he's telling you he needs his mama right now. Please don't leave him to cry alone.

Oh that’s rough. Are you keeping his bedtime routine the same eg bath, milk, stories (or whatever it is you usually do?) Did he just start refusing to go to bed by himself? Something is going on, I’m usually a fan of gentle sleep training but I definitely wouldn’t just leave him to scream. If he does transfer successfully, does he then sleep through? Thinking of you- it’s hard.

18m is still so little. can you bedshare or cosleep safely?

He transfers fine usually but wakes again an hour or two later. I’ve never left him alone to scream. I used to sit next to him and stroke his face till he fell asleep and that was fine but now if I even move while holding him he starts screaming and if I put him into his cot he just vomits. Co sleeping is knackering my back!

Is he still having a nap in the day? How does that work, if he is?

He’s fine at nursery! He naps early afternoon for about an hour and a half

I had this with DS between 6 and 18 months, it was awful because I felt suffocated by him. I know that a lot of people bedshare / cosleep happily, but I was still constantly being woken up and it was so uncomfortable.

I ended up with a sleep consultant after an awful night where I tried to get him to sleep in his own cot and he vomited. I won’t lie, we did have an absolutely horrendous night but it was one night - just one. The next night he stayed in his own bed all night. And <crosses fingers> has done so ever since.

Awww 18 months is still so tiny. I personally would just ride it out and co sleep. He clearly needs you so much right now, don't turn your back and sleep train!

This is a really tricky age I think, not quite old enough to understand what’s going on, but old enough to stay awake for a long time if they want to.

We did sleep training (Ferber) at 6 months and it was amazing. We did have a bad few weeks at 18 months when he was ill and teething and I ended up staying with him while he went to sleep and I slept on his bedroom floor next to the cot as he kept waking up.

We then re-did the sleep training at 18 months (just took 1 night) and as before it worked amazingly. However it was a bit different as we were re-training, not doing it for the first time.

I really recommend reading Dr Ferber’s book. Very useful in understanding how sleep works. And why it often doesn’t work if you move the baby after they fall asleep.

It’s just a phase I would let him co sleep for a few nights and then back to his bed

Sleep training isn’t “turning your back”.
Learning how to fall asleep is an amazing skill and I’m thankful every day that I allowed my DS to learn how to do it. He goes to sleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow and stays asleep all night.
Best parenting decision I ever made.

I wouldn't jump straight to ferber. To go from being with you in your bed to puttimg him in his and leaving him alone is a huge jump. You could do it in smaller stages - I'd start by getting him used to being in his bed all night. Use a sheet that's been on your bed so his bed smells like you, and you sleep on the floor next to him, so you can talk to him, hold his hand etc. It's a trial of wills, and you're going to win this, so pick him up to cuddle but don't lay down with him - if you put him down, it's in his bed. Other than that, you're not going to leave him alone. It may take a few nights, but once he realises bed is where he's staying, then maybe try the technique where you'rethere but gradually move towards the door. I can't remember what it's called. That gets you out from sleeping on the floor and into your own bed. Stage 3 could be ferber if it's needed.

I remember this time with sleep issues as being awful, so solidarity op.