Is it normal to call your dgp's by their first names when you're an adult?

JupiterFortified · 16/05/2023 19:57

I think it’s pretty unusual for grandkids to call their grandparents by their first names tbh. Not unheard of obv but not the norm.

Butchyrestingface · 16/05/2023 19:59

Weird.

GoodChat · 16/05/2023 20:00

It's fine if they say Nan Irene, to differentiate but not just their first name, surely?!

Original poster

JoDolce · 16/05/2023 20:01

@JupiterFortified my thoughts exactly. It's making me question these cousins relationships with us & the rest of the family, maybe they weren't all as close as I thought. I have to say our dgp loved us all dearly & didn't favour anyone

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Pocketfullofdogtreats · 16/05/2023 20:01

Some people call their parents by their first name! Bart Simpson. As the pp said, it's not the norm. It comes down to preference. I've only just started calling my auntie by her first name because calling her Auntie Margaret when we are both pretty ancient seemed daft.

mynameiscalypso · 16/05/2023 20:01

Depends on the context really. I sometimes refer to my (deceased) grandparents by their first names if I'm talking to someone who knew them by their names.

CindersAgain · 16/05/2023 20:02

Unusual but not necessarily significant. If I was talking about my dad’s parents to my mum then I might use their names, as my mum would have.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2023 20:03

I kind of switched the leaving off “Aunt” or “Uncle” as an adult… so at some point Aunt Betty became Betty. But, that’s just weird for grandparents IMHO

Fatkittythinkitty · 16/05/2023 20:09

It's unusual for sure but I think it's a bit much to re-examine their relationships with your family as a result.

One of my nephews calls my parents by their first names. He's as close to them as his cousins, he's just a bit quirky.

Original poster

JoDolce · 16/05/2023 20:16

@CindersAgain yes I suppose it could be like that & it doesn't mean anything. I could just never refer to them as anything but gran & grandad, even though they've been gone for many years

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/05/2023 20:19

I can't think of anyone I know who calls their grandparents by their first name.

I used to work with friend's mum and always feel weird calling her by her name to them, but saying "your mum" feels strange too!

girljulian · 16/05/2023 20:20

saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/05/2023 20:03

I kind of switched the leaving off “Aunt” or “Uncle” as an adult… so at some point Aunt Betty became Betty. But, that’s just weird for grandparents IMHO

This -- I've stopped calling my aunts and uncles Auntie whatever and Uncle blah. But grandparents will forever be whatever we called them!

parietal · 16/05/2023 20:22

my granny was still called granny as long as she lived. but I'd rarely need to say that to her face. i'd more commonly say granny in a conversation with siblings, e.g. when are you next visiting granny?

caringcarer · 16/05/2023 20:23

My grandkids call Nanny then my Christian name. DD asked me what dgs should call me and that is what I decided I wanted. Not just Christian name though.

scrivette · 16/05/2023 20:25

I haven't heard of anyone doing that before.

My aunt has asked me to stop calling her 'auntie' and so now I don't call her anything as it sounds very strange after 40 odd years of calling her 'auntie!'

useless1000 · 16/05/2023 20:29

We do first name then Nanny/ grandad so Nanny Maude grandad Eric for example

NumberTheory · 16/05/2023 20:31

I had one grandparent I called by his first name because of distance (not divorce, but I didn’t meet him until I was an adult) and another who I called by her first name even as a child, she was introduced as Grandma Mary and that was normally shortened to Mary. I was very close to her. My other grandparent I called Grandpa.

An ex-boyfriend called his grandparents and his parents by their first names. They weren’t a very overtly affectionate household but they seemed pretty close.

But those are the only anomalies I’m personally aware of from the standard of calling them grandad/nana/etc.

I can see why it would shock you with your cousins, but I don’t think it necessarily means they aren’t close. They may have had to balance their mother talking about their father’s side of the family in more distant or formal ways and some of that language has stuck, but the memories of their time with you all and their basic feelings aren’t necessarily particularly coloured by that.

dimples76 · 16/05/2023 21:00

I always called my Mum's parents by versions of their first names. Not sure why but I was the eldest grandchild and it just kind of stuck. In fact the only time that I didn't call them by their first names is when I was talking to a friend when I would say 'My Gran ..'

My Mum's eldest sister asked me to stop calling her auntie when I turned 40. Whereas a few years ago I accidentally said my other auntie's name without saying auntie and got told off!

lilyfire · 16/05/2023 21:23

I guess it’s pretty unusual to have your grandparents alive when you’re in your mid to late 50’s

Original poster

JoDolce · 16/05/2023 23:27

@lilyfire our grandparents aren't alive, they've been dead for years, as I said a couple of times in earlier posts.

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Timesawastin · 17/05/2023 01:08

JoDolce · 16/05/2023 19:55

Just this really. I was led to believe that it was mostly people who have a broken relationship with their parents that addressed them by their first names instead of mum & dad. Is it the same with your dgp's? Or have I got it completely wrong on both counts?
We were close to our cousins as kids and we were all close to our dgp's. Things drifted as we all became adults. The one set of cousins drifted a bit further as their parents divorced & they stayed with their mum who was the dil of our dgp's. They all, including ex dil, continued to visit gp's until the end. We still see my cousins very occasionally & I don't think they had cause to feel left out. However, I was shocked to hear one of my cousins who's dp divorced call our dgp's by.their first names instead of gran & grandad.
Is this normal to do, even though they were close when they were alive? Or am I being a bit babyish? We're all mid to late 50's

Of course it has nothing to do with broken relationships, how daft. DH called both his late parents by their first names, because they asked him to as an adult. I didn't because mine didn't

YoungYankee · 17/05/2023 03:50

I have always called my grandparents by their first names ever since childhood (their preference). My husband think it's weird and judging by some of the replies, I'm guessing a lot of other people do too. But I've always had a good relationship with them.

MadEyeMoodysEye · 17/05/2023 03:57

DH and I (40s) both say mum/dad/nan. I'm not aware of anyone I know calling their parents or grandparents just by their first names, I think that's pretty unusual.

junebirthdaygirl · 17/05/2023 05:01

I think kids even adult gks will call their GPS by what they hear their parents use. In my dhs family as adults they all called their parents by their Christian name when discussing them among themselves. My dc heard this growing up and now as adults do the same. It's actually for them more a term of endearment rather than anything disrespectful. Their gf had a name that sort of lends itself to a pet name...something like Teddy so it's very easy to use. My dc would never call my parents like this as its never used by my family. All GPS are now dead.
I don't think it's an issue at all and means absolutely nothing. I wouldn't give it even a thought as regards relationship.

msbevvy · 17/05/2023 05:09

Our kids always addressed one set of grandparents by their Christian names at their request.

We also encouraged our kids and grandkids to call us by our names but they have naturally evolved into calling us Mum and Dad half the time.