To feel disappointed

[Fuchsia69]

I lost a dear friend several years ago. When she was ill a whole group of her friends rallied round to support her. We took care of her practical needs and gave emotional support. I didn’t know most of her friends to start with but during those 18 months we became a tight knit group.

Since then I have kept in touch with all but one of the friends. I feel disappointed and betrayed because she doesn’t want to know any of us. I know that people often want to move on from an upsetting time but we all felt upset and need each other’s support.

AIBU to feel let down?

What is it that you imagine she owes you?

Why would you possibly feel betrayed about this?

Gently, YABU. This isn’t a basis for a friendship - of course it’s great if some of you have hit it off but the fact is she isn’t obliged to stay friends.

There's no betrayal here at all.

You knew the same person, and came together to support her, she has decided she doesn't want to pursue a friendship with you now that person, sadly, isn't around anymore.

She maybe doesn't want a friendship based on a traumatic time in her life.

You think that, just because you had a mutual friend in common, that you helped through a difficult time, somehow she owes it to you to remain in contact?

Honestly, in that circumstance, I would want to move on. Being in touch with someone that you only met because of a mutual friend with a terminal illness would just be a constant reminder.

She doesn't owe you friendship.

YABU. Sometimes people are just friends for a short while because of a situation, and that's ok.

It sounds like your friendship with this other friend was just due to the situation. She was there for your mutual ill friend and not for the new friendship group. You need to let it go.

Betrayed makes no sense; she wasn’t your friend, she was your friend’s friend, so there was nothing for her to betray.

Why do you particularly want to keep in touch with her if you weren’t friends before? Seems maudlin, to be honest.

Maybe she needs you to support her choice not to stay in touch?

That's as equally valid as your wish to continue to stay in contact.

People can become friends for a season, a reason or forever.

Seems like have misinterpreted the relationship which you built, thinking it was for ever and it turned out to be a 'for a reason' one when the reason goes away, so does the bond.

It would be a pity to spoil what was just because you are disappointed that it hadn't lasted. Much better focus on the friends you have and making new friends.

She doesn't owe you a friendship just because a mutual friend of yours passed away.

I'm sorry for your loss though

Betrayed? How has she betrayed you?

Sorry you lost your friend, but you have not been betrayed. You came together over a traumatic event and now this other person wants to move on.

I don't understand why you are taking it personally.

Why are you all focusing on the friend you haven't made rather than the new friends you have made?

I'm not sure I'd want to remain friends in this situation either, as I'd need space to move on. It sounds like you're taking it very personally when it isn't personal at all. As I said, try to focus on the friends you have made.