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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ban GM from DS school

9 replies

Ilikecyclingido · 16/05/2023 10:59

Hi,
I am an overthinker and mildly autistic so I know sometimes it's me but I could do with some perspective.
So DS 10 is going away with the school this Friday for a full week. We (me, DS10, DS8) live with my mother and have done so since covid. For the last 2 months my mother and me have not been talking ,I seem to be unable to do anything right and plans are in progress for us to move out but this will take some time. My mother has also spent literally no time with DSx2 during these last few months, hardly talking to them. I know she loves them but her behaviour towards them is unacceptable as the issues are between the adults.
Today my mother has asked if she can come to the school to see DS off on his school trip. IIt is literally taking him to school as they are leaving at lunchtime. I have said yes but massively regret this and I can't see how this is going to work.
AIBU to say I have changed my mind and stay away from the school?

OP posts:
heldinadream · 16/05/2023 11:03

What do you mean you can't see how this is going to work?
Surely she just comes along and waves bye?
Maybe she's trying to build bridges?

quokka5 · 16/05/2023 11:07

Are you expecting her to cause a scene at the school?

Soontobe60 · 16/05/2023 11:09

You need to move out asap - whats the reason why you're still loving there? It’s not great that your DC are expected to live in such an awkward situation between their mother and grandmother!
As far as Friday is concerned, what precisely are you worried about?

LookItsMeAgain · 16/05/2023 12:00

Say to her "Having given it some thought, I think it would be best for X if you say your goodbyes here at the house before he leaves for school. He'll be with his friends when he heads off on the trip. He'll be back in a week."

Or something to that effect.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 16/05/2023 12:03

I think i would just let her if you are keen for her to continue to have a relationship with her grandchildren. Presumably she'll just wave goodbye and that'll be that. You don't even really need to speak if you don't want to.

skgnome · 16/05/2023 12:05

what does she means? Does she wants to take him to school on Friday morning or wait outside the gates at lunchtime to see him leave?
mid he leaves at lunchtime, just say “he leaves at lunchtime and no one will be there to wave them goodbye, let’s just say bye at home”
But either way? What’s your concern about it? She goes, stands there, most likely will get ignored (since all kids “ignore” the adults at that age)

TakeInIroning · 16/05/2023 12:15

So, you're happy to lie up on her for getting on for three years and now you have made an atmosphere in her house and, on top of that, despite this, you say that it will take you some time to move out.

She presumably took you and your children in and if it's not working out, you should find other accommodation as soon as possible. Even if you are paying your way-market rent, bills and food-she is still doing you a favour by having you there.

Maybe, she is trying to make a move towards getting a better atmosphere in her home by this innocuous gesture and if I were her and you refused it, I'd be telling you to pack your bags asap and so would any friend of your mother.

Itwasnaeme · 16/05/2023 12:18

If you say no you're keeping the argument going

Thewitcherswolf · 16/05/2023 12:21

So basically she wants to come on the school run on Friday. And you’ve already said yes?
Let her, it sounds like she’s trying to build bridges again.
It does sound like moving out will improve your relationship though, if you can possibly manage it.

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