How do you make friends as an adult?

[AllAloneInThisHouse]

I’ve never had many friends, I’m very shy, quiet and live a very - well - all around quiet lifestyle.

I had one good friend and my cousin was a pretty close friend of mine, but sadly they got married and had a kid and pretty much disappeared.
I tried to keep contact, but it was very one-way and through out the years they became more and more self-absorbed, most topics would be about their bf, their house, their wedding, their husband and finally their kid.

I did my best to change topic, it hold for a moment, but reverted back to those topics.
And last year or two has been nothing but the kids and everything is around that timetable.
So there really not much of a friendship / much going on and it’s pretty safe to say, it’s over.

But how does one make new friends?
It’s been getting seriously lonely and I could use some company.

Work (in person)

Hobbies

Local community groups / volunteering

Neighbours - say hi to new neighbours

Through your DC if you have them

There are also some online groups for stuff like this

What's worked for me
Meetup
Book clubs
Volunteering
Choir
Really putting myself out there. I will always be the first to suggest a coffee. ai don't care if I am rejected.
My DC are older so can't make friends at the school gate.

You have to get past the shyness otherwise its impossible.

Join a sports team. Netball, football, hockey or rugby. Or cricket for the summer. There’s normally a lot of social events at these clubs and if there’s a clubhouse some drinks after training or matches.

I think you will have to push yourself a bit out of your comfort zone to throw yourself out there. I can only speak of my experience as a rugby mum, but I’m so impressed by how friendly and welcoming everyone is at my DDs club. I honestly think I could turn up on a Saturday afternoon to watch the first team and would be welcomed into anyone’s groups for a beer and a chat.

So you're giving up on those friendships altogether because they've decided to get married and have children? I understand their priorities have changed and their lifestyles may no longer fit into what you'd like them to be but saying it's over seems pretty harsh. You can still be a part of their lives, remain friends and make new friends who are in the same stage of life as you.
Do you have a partner and kids?
I guess you just keep doing what you enjoy doing and hope to make new friends through your work and hobbies. There are online groups such as MeetUp and Peanut you could look at too.

Yep agree with above most adults do like making friends but somehow we all overthink and get shy. Be the first person to suggest meeting up for a coffee and even if it’s a 10% success rate that’s better than your current situation. Join some groups (book / sports etc) whatever you have an interest in.

You have friends here bud :)

If you're an animal lover, get a dog and you'll soon get to know lots of other people when you're out in walkies.

What do you do for a living? A job behind the bar of a village pub is a great way to get to know people.

Book clubs, choir, amateur dramatic clubs, running clubs, salsa dancing... You could ask on Facebook for recommendations of evening clubs, events, activities, courses etc. Or post something on your local Facebook page and see who replies (you can post anonymously or say you've just moved to the area and want to meet new people and perhaps some other people in the same position might respond)

Good luck x