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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to go away for two nights with DP leaving baby with his grandparents

19 replies

mamafairy · 18/02/2008 22:11

My DP took me away for two nights last week as a surprise, and his parents stayed at our house with our 5 month old DS.

I was a bit apprehensive about leaving him (as I knew I'd really miss him) but he was very happy and his grandparents loved looking after him. And my DP had organised everything, as a surprise.

Now my own mother has just expressed her disapproval at me leaving such a tiny baby. This has left me feeling very guilty and selfish for going away.

He takes a bottle, and had expressed breast milk, and was with his doting grandparents who he loves. AIBU leaving him at five months?

OP posts:

crapmomonMN · 18/02/2008 22:14

You were absolutely right to do it - and do it again if you get the chance. My mum also goes on like that - I left DS for 2 weeks at 7 months old for work. Dh looked after him then MIL and my mum. Whatever I do it never right according to my mum. But she is great and I love her and she is probabl peeved you didnt ask her to look after DS!

Original poster

mamafairy · 18/02/2008 22:18

That's reassuring to know, thanks. Yes I thought that might be the case about her wanting to look after him, but as DP arranged it all, he asked his own parents. I've asked her to look after DS for an afternoon while I go to work meeting

OP posts:

Emprexia · 18/02/2008 22:19

No you aren't.

He was with family who love him and dote on him, he was safe and obviously happy!

Ignore your mother, having a baby doesn't mean your love life should be over.

JennyWren · 18/02/2008 22:27

Not at all! You left a happy, well cared-for child and came home to a happy, well cared-for child. What could be wrong with that???

As long as your child is familiar with the carers, and you are confident that your carers can provide that care - you know the baby will be able to drink, they know her routine, have his usual comforters and familiar surroundings, I feel that it is really good for littles one to learn from a young age that comfort and care don't have to only come from Mummy and Daddy, but can come from a range of loving relatives.

It wasn't exactly the first time your son had met your DS, was it! He already knew and loved them, and knew they love him. Had you previously left him with them for shorter periods of time? It sounds to me as though you had planned the trip - having that much expressed milk available isn't just going away on a whim, whatever else was involved!

We made a point of ensuring GPs and other had the chance to comfort DD from when she was tiny, and leaving her with GPs for short and then gradually longer periods of time right from an early age - she is now 2.8 and loves going for a 'holiday' with both sets of GPs. She never really 'did' seperation anxiety and is gregarious and confident in all sorts of environment.

Of course, there is no right option - what worked for our DD may well not be right for our next DC, but what I am trying to say is that you know your DS best, not your parents, and if you are happy and your DS is happy - then happy holidays!!

colditz · 18/02/2008 22:28

He's 5 months, not 5 days!

Christywhisty · 18/02/2008 22:36

We went away for the weekend when DD was 5 months and DS was 2.5. My mum, my sister and little nieces moved in for the weekend and the dc's had a lovely time, don't think they noticed we'd gone!

lucyellensmum · 18/02/2008 22:43

mamafairy i am really quite as we dont have anyone to leave DD with, and she is 2.5!! So, no weekends away for us for ooh, another 16 years But it sounds like your ILs had a great time and i hope you did too - i agree though, i think your mum was just sour because she wasnt asked. Well, she can have him next time

ibelieveindreaming · 18/02/2008 22:46

YANBU - we have been away a couple of times and left dd's with my parents and they always have a great time.

SpringSunshine · 18/02/2008 22:54

My dcs regulalry stay with my mother and have since they were tiny babies. They even fight now over whose turn it is on Friday (she picks them up from school) so it is definitely a good thing to cultivate

MsHighwater · 18/02/2008 23:12

YANBU at all. Good for you.

Dynamicnanny · 19/02/2008 07:55

YANBU unreasonable I have just worked a temp nanny job where I and the 3 children (1 5 month old) stayed with the grandparents for the weekend - we had a blast and their parents had a well deserved break

Original poster

mamafairy · 19/02/2008 09:21

Wow such a relief to hear that. I really am still finding my feet as a mum and find myself taking to heart everyone's comments, from my mum's to the man on the bus who said DS was crying because he was "starving marvin" (even though I just fed him). I'd always thought it a good idea for babies to stay with other family members and get used to them. Plus good for parents' sanity. sorry Lucyellensmum

Thanks xx

OP posts:

Arbensmum · 19/02/2008 11:07

YANBU - I am planning on doing the same thing when my parents come for a couple of weeks. My DS is also 5mths and he and his nanna and pa will love spending the time together
Maybe your mum was abit that you didn't leave him with her rather than her dissapproving??

peacelily · 19/02/2008 11:18

YANBU it sounds fabulous for you your dh and dcs grandparents. it's love;y for you to have a treat and lovely for the gps to have that special time to bond.

Hope you enjoyed yourself and you can do it again sometime [smile}

dal21 · 19/02/2008 13:32

yanbu. lucky you. lovely grandparents.

your mother may be jealous?

cory · 19/02/2008 13:36

I was thinking the same as dal21. You go away and leave the baby with the other grandparents and your mum expresses disapproval. Funny that...

I'd have done the same as you and very happily. A 5 month old baby is not that fragile and there is absolutely no reason you shouldn't have some time away. Good for you!

BeauLocks · 19/02/2008 13:38

It's a very good habit to get into. Make the most of your lovely in laws! I suspect your mother is jealous. Ask her next time you go away but don't let her get to you.

larry5 · 19/02/2008 15:31

I can recommend getting dcs used to being left overnight. When ds1 was21 months we left him with his gps for the weekend and although he was as good as gold while there when he came home he was a nightmare as he was scared that we would leave him again. Starting as young as possible is a very good idea.

posieflump · 19/02/2008 15:37

we're going to a wedding in the summer and hopefully after the day bit of it the grandparents are going to come and take the kids back to our house and look after them for the night so we can have a few drinks, no worry about putting them to bed in the hotel and hopefully have a lie in

We left the dcs for a night when dd was 6 months. It is whatever you feel comfortable with.

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