To chose who he goes with

[Ohwhatanightm]

Me and 2 DCs are off to a football match tonight with my Mum. We attend all the matches together. My husband also goes to all the matches but goes with his friends.
I booked a table for me, Mum and DC to eat at a nearby pub before the match.
Have come home and been told one of the DC would sooner go to a pub with his Dad and friend and get something to eat on the way to the ground. Although when i have asked him he has said he doesnt know. Dont know if he doesnt want to upset me or genuinely dosent know. He is 8.

Am I unreasonable to say no I have already made plans for us. Obviously on the other hand if he wants to go with his Dad he should be allowed to?

Let him go with who he wants. Pie and a pint atmosphere is always better when it comes to the football.

He may be worried about upsetting you as you always go together. Chat with him again and reassure him that it’s okay if he would like to go with his dad for a change.

If i were an 8 year old boy id much rather go to the football with my dad and his mate rather than my mum and grandma - let him go with his dad

If you want an honest answer out of your 8yo, you will have to tell him that he won't be upsetting anybody by the choice he makes. Let him know that while you'd love to have him along with you, you also think it would be lovely for him and his Dad to go together, so you really don't have a preference.

I remember reading once that from ages 0-6 the strongest bond a boy has is with his Mum. From the ages of 7-12 they start to develop a real bond with their Dad and look to them to see what it means to be a boy/man. And from the age of 12, it’s really healthy for them to have other role models of either sex (alongside parents) to help them navigate life and the world.

It may well be a load of guff (and obviously doesn’t speak to single-parent families at all), but it made sense to me. It is really good for boys to develop a close bond with their Dad (or other males in their family). Find things they have in common, and be someone they can talk to, and/or go to. It’s really important.

This is just a bit of a long-winded way of helping you to re-frame it more positively in your own head.

This isn’t necessarily about you, per se, at all. It’s not that he doesn’t want you - he does, and always will. It’s that maybe he wants his Dad as well, and that’s a good, positive thing that should be encouraged.

Tell him that if he’d like to go with his Dad, that’s absolutely fine - go, have fun. There will be countless more opportunities for the two of you to do fun things in the future (even if they might sometimes look a bit different). Let him go guilt-free and be genuinely pleased that he wants to.