Newborn boundaries

TaylorSwifting · 2023-05-15T07:21:00+00:00

AIBU to think that when you have visitors to see a newborn baby, you shouldn’t have to ask them to wash their hands / not smoke / not kiss the baby????? Surely this is basic hygiene?

gogohmm · 15/05/2023 08:26

Not smoke fair enough but I presume adults will already do adequate hand washing eg after using toilet and what is wrong with kissing a baby?

Crampo · 15/05/2023 08:27

Not smoking, sure.

But human contact by hands, kissing etc won't hurt a human baby.

Arxx · 15/05/2023 08:27

You would think but my FIL dived right in and kissed our little boy 🤦🏼‍♀️ we also visited another time when he would barely have been 2 weeks old and he went out the back door at their house to smoke but it’s a very small house and the back door was open, the room was filling with smoke and he came back in stinking of smoke and rubbed the baby’s head without having washed his hand, breathing smoke all over him. After that I said we weren’t taking him back there when he was small as my husband doesn’t stand up to them enough to set some boundaries. If it was my parents I would instantly have said no way

YouveGotAFastCar · 15/05/2023 08:30

@gogohmm It’s been against the recommended guidelines for years. Midwives tell you constantly throughout your pregnant not to allow it from anyone other than the babies mum and dad, as if can spread illness.

Hundreds of people will come to say they’ve kissed 9 million babies now and everything has been fine but it’s the current advice, and has been for a while.

@TaylorSwifting Baby advice changes. People tend to get stuck in the advice as it was when they had their baby. I’ve found it easier to pretend everyone has no knowledge at all and direct them nicely, and we’ve had no pushback.

In real life, though, nobody tried to kiss our baby, or hold him without washing their hands. Mumsnet made me think that’d be a much bigger problem than it was! And weirdly we don’t know many smokers. If anyone had, I’d imagine it’d be the type of thing you’d only need to point out once.

baddecisions11 · 15/05/2023 08:32

I'm suprised by these responses🤦🏼‍♀️kissing a baby is absolutely harmful and can pass them things like coldsores, RSV and the flu whicn can be fatal for babies in some rare cases. Not kissing babies I thought was common knowledge

bellac11 · 15/05/2023 08:33

I think we are introducing a world where humans are devoid of touch

You dont have all this in european countries (well Spain which is where we have some babies), lots of kissing and holding and snuggling all the time

BananaPalm · 15/05/2023 08:42

Your baby your rules! Don't let anyone tell you any different.

There was a poster a few days ago saying that someone with a cold sore kissed their baby and she was really stressed. That person knew they shouldn't have done that but they did it anyway. I know a child who now is partially deaf because she was kissed by someone with a cold sore when she was a baby. Definitely not worth the risk and all the stress.

oliveandwell · 15/05/2023 08:47

Ultimately it's up to you what you feel comfortable with, but I do think that you need to play it by ear a bit.

Trying to tell granny and grandad not to kiss the baby's head is probably going to cause more hassle than it's worth.

I know it's the current advice but it is good to remember that in Europe and more or less everywhere else in the world babies are getting passed around and kissed by literally everyone they meet! I'm not saying you should do that, but just for perspective.

And considering the guidance is fairly new on this, you do have to tell people if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Smoking is a no brainer though.

Almie · 15/05/2023 08:48

I don't have any smokers in my family or circle of friends so no experience of that, but ime it's common knowledge not to kiss a baby, I've never had anyone try.

However, I've only ever had one person wash their hands before holding the baby.

takealettermsjones · 15/05/2023 08:56

Re. not kissing babies, I understand why you wouldn't kiss them on/near their mouth or nose etc but does this rule still apply to head kisses? It's never happened to me/my DC, just wondering.

Not kisses but sort of related... one of my DC was born in one of the partial lockdown periods where people could meet but socially distanced. When baby was days old, a relative of mine walked over and immediately leant over baby, about six inches away, to smell her head. I am embarrassed to admit I freaked out a little bit. 😆

CurlewKate · 15/05/2023 08:56

Obviously no smoking. But everyone knows that a Mumsnet baby's father's parents give off an invisible but highly toxic gas and must be prevented from coming within 12 feet of the baby at all times. The same rules apply to "old people" in general-particularly "old people in shops."

MagpieSong · 15/05/2023 09:00

Oh god, not another no kissing babies thread. In the last one we had parents saying they don’t kiss their own newborns.

I’ve never had that advice from my midwives. If someone has a cold sore, obviously avoid kissing the baby, but there are very few babies harmed by kisses. It’s important for the neurological system and immune system to be kissed and to experience normal healthy love expressed in socially acceptable ways for their emotional health. Respiratory viruses are usually passed on anyway due to particles in the air by sneezing, singing, talking, hence the two metre rule and masks in COVID-19. Unless we ban singing and talking and go back to covid restrictions, our babies will not avoid respiratory infections - and we actually found when they weren’t exposed it didn’t help them anyway. Obviously there are minor numbers of cases of all illnesses that are very tragic, but this advice makes little sense and is very one-sided. It may be some areas recommend this due to a spike in cases and people not understanding cold sore advice, it’s not an across the board recommendation. Obviously there will be exceptions for babies particularly at risk of ill health too. I think it’s also often missed in the conversation that we do know children can be negatively affected by parents being too anxious around health and germs.

I had my youngest in COVID - 2021, so I’d have thought most of the advice I was given was up to date. Essentially it’s up to parents what they allow for their own relatives and children, but it was sad to hear of parents not kissing their own babies for fear of infecting them with some deadly virus.

OhBanana · 15/05/2023 09:01

Should be common knowledge but isn’t with parents generations. I had my smoker step mum kiss 5 day old baby. She has no kids herself so doesn’t know how to interact with babies so was also trying to ‘play’ with her by blowing raspberries in her face at 4 weeks old. Also asked parents to refrain from smoking before meeting her or to change into clean clothes I would provide - ignored both requests as my dad didn’t do this when we were kids. So yeah… i would spell out the hand washing/kissing and not smoking if that’s a concern for you. And even then people may not listen to you…

ZeroFuchsGiven · 15/05/2023 09:05

CurlewKate · 15/05/2023 08:56

Obviously no smoking. But everyone knows that a Mumsnet baby's father's parents give off an invisible but highly toxic gas and must be prevented from coming within 12 feet of the baby at all times. The same rules apply to "old people" in general-particularly "old people in shops."

😂

takealettermsjones · 15/05/2023 09:06

or to change into clean clothes I would provide

😳

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/05/2023 09:07

Hazmat suits, I assume. No wonder we have an epidemic of anxiety.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2023 09:07

Smoking should be obvious. Hand washing, week is assume adults have clean hands. I wouldn't expect them to have to sanitise their hands and then hold them aloft until the baby is handed to them.
Kissing, depends where. Lips, obvious no. Hands, prefer not. Head, fine.

AuntieJune · 15/05/2023 09:10

Meh, people don't spend much time thinking about babies. And babies don't exist in some kind of sterile bubble.

If you ask people not to smoke, kiss and to wash their hands they'd be rude and petty not to. But I wouldn't expect them to have thought through the ways in which they represent a risk vector because people have other things to think about, frankly!

OhBanana · 15/05/2023 09:11

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 15/05/2023 09:07

Hazmat suits, I assume. No wonder we have an epidemic of anxiety.

Oh yeah with face coverings, air filtration, the lot! Don’t be silly, just a clean jumper! Second/third hand smoke is a real thing and can affect babies lungs and breathing. And lo and behold we did end up in hospital and three weeks with an infection so I wasn’t exactly wrong to be cautious…

LolaSmiles · 15/05/2023 09:15

Smoking and hand washing should be a given. Why wouldn't you wash your hands before holding a newborn?
Not kissing on the face seems common sense to me,but a kiss on the head from grandparents or close family wouldn't bother me. Passing babies around for kisses seems off to me.

HaiIeyy · 15/05/2023 09:28

MN is batshit about newborns

chocolatemademefat · 15/05/2023 09:32

Could you perhaps buy a bubble to keep the baby in? Imagine the cheek of people TOUCHING a baby😱. How have we all survived so many years?

calm down - you’re not the first person to have a baby - but you’re coming over a bit preachy.

MammaTo · 15/05/2023 10:21

CurlewKate · 15/05/2023 08:56

Obviously no smoking. But everyone knows that a Mumsnet baby's father's parents give off an invisible but highly toxic gas and must be prevented from coming within 12 feet of the baby at all times. The same rules apply to "old people" in general-particularly "old people in shops."

Haha this made me chuckle.

In laws are an absolute no no on MN, no amount of Purell can cleanse them of their germs.

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/05/2023 10:23

Crampo · 15/05/2023 08:27

Not smoking, sure.

But human contact by hands, kissing etc won't hurt a human baby.

Depends. Kissing on the mouth can - if the baby has not yet had all their vaccines or the person kissing is a herpes carrier (you can pass on cold sores before it erupts as you're infectious for a few days before).

EsmeSusanOgg · 15/05/2023 10:25

LolaSmiles · 15/05/2023 09:15

Smoking and hand washing should be a given. Why wouldn't you wash your hands before holding a newborn?
Not kissing on the face seems common sense to me,but a kiss on the head from grandparents or close family wouldn't bother me. Passing babies around for kisses seems off to me.

I think this is a sensible approach. But not everyone is sensible with babies (and I happily let mine be cwtched and passed about a bit when little). That said, I was fortunate that most people had common sense/ would check if something was ok. But alas, a quick wcna of AIBU and you soon discover there are some people that need the basic things spelt out.