To wonder what "we don't owe you anything" actually means?

[Ahsoka2001]

One term I've seen thrown around a lot on the Internet nowadays is variations of "You don't owe them anything" or "They/we don't owe you nothing!". It seems to be one of those magical universal phrases you can use for any situation. But how far does this get out jail free card extend exactly?

For example, I've seen people online say, "You can break up with someone for any reason...or no reason! You don't owe them anything." I mean...this sounds kind of reasonable on paper right? But in reality, if you'd been in a strong relationship with someone for several years and they suddenly decided to end things but didn't provide any reason because "I don't owe you anything"...wouldn't that be a bit too devastating and unfair for the person who genuinely thought everything was fine?

So, where do we draw the line? "I don't owe you anything" might be apt for declining an offer from your boss to help him move house for free, BUT the scenario I describe above? Nope! Completely different. When do we think this phrase is actually applicable?

In your dating analogy, I'd say it was applicable in a short term or casual relationship, but not in a long term relationship or marriage.

It’s a response to those who put pressure on / use emotional blackmail, the kind of situation where people have expectations of others which are too much of a demand on them - the antithesis of people pleasing, really. That’s a good thing imo, having big strong boundaries has helped me lots.

It's only applicable when you have no obligation or responsibility or accountability towards the person.

The dating analogy doesn't count because you do owe the person you've been in a committed relationship either a reason or a heads up. It doesn't mean you need their permission to leave the relationship - you just need to tell them it's over for closure and simply because it's fair, kind and what you'd hopefully want someone to do to you.

Breaking up for any reason, isn't the same as being nasty about it when you do it.

You can break up with them just because you fancy a change, in that sense, you don't owe them anything in terms of staying in a relationship with them. But if you've been in a relationship with someone and they haven't been abusive, you do owe them consideration and kindness if you turn their life upside down. So telling them why, even if it's as unsatisfying as "I'm just at a different stage of my life right now and want to try something different, sorry.", would be the decent thing to do.

On the other hand, when thinking about the way people treat you, using a phrase like "They don't owe me anything" to remind yourself that you have no real way leverage something like an explanation if they refuse to give you one, can be a useful way of helping yourself move on and not get too stuck on an obsessive and pointless hunt for closure.

It’s applicable when you don’t owe someone something.

No need to complicate it.

It's another of those blanket statements that gets thrown around on social media. If none of us ever felt an obligation towards anyone else, goodness knows where we would be, as a society.

It is, as others have mentioned, a useful phrase when trying to deal with people who persistently take the piss, though.