I will try and explain this without it becoming overly long - but sorry if it is a bit of an essay.
it is DHs birthday in the coming week. I work in a school, so cannot take days off during term time, so we agreed to have a nice takeaway on the night of his birthday and then do things with family at the weekend. DH was rubbish at telling anybody what he wanted to do for his birthday and for weeks I have been trying to get him to organise something, but he kept saying he didn’t want to make plans because my sister is due around now and he didn’t want to make any plans for them to just be cancelled (when my sister goes into labour, we will be looking after her daughter). In the middle of last week, so just a few days ago really, he decided he wanted to have a birthday tea party lunch with my parents, sister and family. I asked if he wanted his parents to come and he said no, he would do something another day with them. On Friday he decided he wanted to pottery painting with them on Sunday (today).
Yesterday, I was up early and had to go and buy, then make his birthday tea party lunch. So I spent the whole morning cleaning the house, making sandwiches and preparing food. When our guests arrived, I was left alone to do all the serving and tidying up also. Then my DH decided he wanted to go to the park with my niece, which involved going to my sisters house to get my nieces bike. I got the house as tidy as I could, but had to leave all the real cleaning and go. When we got there, my DH announced he wanted to watch Eurovision that night as part of his birthday, so we ended up out until 1 am this morning.
I am currently dealing with a lot of personal issues, so I have therapy every Sunday at 2pm. I have been doing this time for a few months now and am about halfway through my treatment. I know that it’s a bit of an awkward time, but working in a school, I was just thankful to get a regular appointment outside of work time! DH arranged with his family to do pottery painting followed by lunch out, starting at 11am. I was only made aware of this plan this morning. So I woke up fairly late from the late night and had to get ready and go. I also was pressured into cancelling my therapy, as there wasn’t time to go to the painting place, do the activity, eat lunch and get to my appointment.
On the way there, I explained to DH that the house was still very messy, I hadn’t had a chance to do any laundry or other chores all weekend and this upcoming week was going to be very stressful for me as GCSEs start. So I really wanted to be home by 3pm, so I could try and get on top of things and maybe have a moment of time for me before a hectic week. My in-laws also have a dog who they bring everywhere and I said I really wasn’t comfortable with them coming back to the house if the dog was with them because it upsets our cats, they end up weeing everywhere and with the house already in disarray, I just couldn’t cope.
Within 30 mins of us arriving, DH has already told his family that after we are done painting and eating, they can come to ours for tea and leftover party food with the dog. I felt like I couldn’t disagree, as he had already invited them, so kept quiet and carried on painting. When we sat down to eat at about 2pm, my phone rang and it was my therapy calling to see where I was. I had emailed and lied saying I was poorly, they explained that I would still be charged for cancelling with less than 48 hours notice and it would count as one of my sessions, so I would also get one less session. I got really upset and started to cry, just as the food came out. I said I couldn’t eat and walked off to sit outside. I called my therapist and she agreed to do the session over the phone. I texted my DH and told them to carry on and eat and I would have my session and then come back to see them (45 mins).
After my session, I called DH and he said they had just finished and had wrapped up my food, so I should meet him by the car. I did and when I got to the car, he asked if his parents could still come round. I agreed and explained if it was just for an hour then it was okay because otherwise they would blame me for ruining the day (my MIL always complains that we never see them because I am always ill/busy). DH text them to tell them to come back to ours and we drove home. When we got back home, he got a text to say they’d changed their minds and were on their way home because they needed to sort some things out at home.
DH then get very upset and told me I had made them feel uncomfortable by walking off and doing my session. I explained that either way I would have been charged for it and I would have just sat at the table and cried instead, so thought taking myself away was the best option. He also said while I was gone they were discussing how little they get to see us because my therapy is always getting in the way of them seeing us because they only like to see us on Sundays. They are both retired, are always going on holiday and in the last month we have seen them almost every Sunday - including driving hours to meet them at places for days out.
AIBU to be feeling so let down by DH? I feel like no matter what I did in this situation I would be seen as a problem. I have exhausted myself spending every moment this weekend trying to make it nice and just fell apart from the strain. Which makes me the bad guy, yet again.