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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention her memory?

15 replies

GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 15:07

My Nanna is late 70's. We lost Grandad at the end of Jan and she has coped amazingly. Lately I have been noticing her memory seems to be hit and miss. For example yesterday she asked me where I was 3 times on the phone, the first two times she acknowledged it and we had a short conversation about it but the third time she just said "oh thats nice".
She also rang me today to ask if my kids had moved a key yesterday, I had to remind her she was looking for it when we arrived and we all helped her to look for it too so they couldn't have moved it.
Its just little things like this. Would I be unreasonable to bring it up to her? I don't want to upset her but I think she should get it checked out by the Dr. Is it just an old age thing or maybe even the stress of my Grandad passing? She's usually very on the ball and I've never seen her as an old lady but lately she just seems to be turning into an old dear before my eyes and its heartbreaking.
Do I leave it until she notices herself? Or just make a joke of it even? "You've asked me thst twice already silly!" ??

OP posts:
Perspectivo · 14/05/2023 15:08

I suspect she will know.

How long have you been aware?

Original poster
GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 15:10

The past few months I suppose. It just seems to be more frequent lately. I mentioned it to my mum and she hadn't noticed but said my sister had said the same thing. I'm the closest to my nan so if anyone was to bring it up, it would have to be me.

OP posts:
Perspectivo · 14/05/2023 15:13

Since you lost your grandfather?

Perhaps it’s been longer but more disguised? Now more evident she’s alone

Original poster
GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 15:20

Its possible. I can remember a few instances before he passed which I put down to stress and the amount of appointments she had to remember for him. It was a manic year or so with appointments coming out their ears. He was all there in his head right until his last week or so and kept her in check with his sarcastic sense of humor so its likely he remembered things for both of them and we didn't realise.

OP posts:
AuntyMabelandPippin · 14/05/2023 15:20

Give her some time. She's still grieving, and it does funny things to your brain.

I wouldn't mention it unless it becomes a problem.

TheShellBeach · 14/05/2023 15:30

I think you should mention it and ask her if she's worried about it.
Offer to go to the doctor with her so that she can be tested.

ChrisPPancake · 14/05/2023 15:33

Is she remembering to eat/drink/take any medication? I'd be more concerned if she's missing any of those. Could very much be stress/grief related.
My dad has been investigated for memory problems, but when we had a frank discussion about it he said that mostly it's just that he can't be bothered remembering stuff. He had a high stress job for years and basically since retirement has taken his foot off the gas and let things slide. Does remember meals and meds independently but for everything else mum's there to remind him. Don't know if that's relevant to you though!

Have other family members noticed it?

pippys · 14/05/2023 15:37

As I dementia nurse I would mention it as this is a key time to start medication that slows down the progression of dementia if she has it.

Original poster
GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 15:55

She can remember things like her medication, shopping lists and when bills are due etc. It seems to be things that have only happened recently- very short term things.
Again I don't know if it is just grief, if she is really paying attention to things or if her mind is elsewhere or if it is something more sinister.
I know mild memory loss can be common in old age and have read signs of dementia but she only seems to be ticking one of a number of boxes so I wanted more opinions on if bringing it up to her was insensitive. Thankyou all for your input it is really appreciated as family members seem to be rather flippant and dismissive of it but it is playing on my mind more and more.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/05/2023 16:51

GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 15:55

She can remember things like her medication, shopping lists and when bills are due etc. It seems to be things that have only happened recently- very short term things.
Again I don't know if it is just grief, if she is really paying attention to things or if her mind is elsewhere or if it is something more sinister.
I know mild memory loss can be common in old age and have read signs of dementia but she only seems to be ticking one of a number of boxes so I wanted more opinions on if bringing it up to her was insensitive. Thankyou all for your input it is really appreciated as family members seem to be rather flippant and dismissive of it but it is playing on my mind more and more.

OP I was a dementia nurse.
It's much better to get an assessment and medication early on.

lemonaddde · 14/05/2023 16:57

My nana started like this, then what seemed like overnight she started putting money and bank cards in cereal boxes and leftover food in the sideboard drawer.
Before we had chance to process that she was found walking the streets alone at night and putting herself in quite dangerous situations.

It may just be typical old age or grief that is affecting her but once they go down the path of no return it's very hard to get them inside for medical assessments and power of attorney should they need that kind of support.

If she is happy to have a chat with the gp and explore options then I would encourage that.

lemonaddde · 14/05/2023 16:59

On side *

Original poster
GlitteryFarts · 14/05/2023 17:17

I will bring it up with her next time I notice it. Fingers crossed all is well, I hope she will take it on board and not dismiss it.

OP posts:
emz1990 · 14/05/2023 17:43

It wouldn't hurt to mention it.
My grandad has had early onset dementia for a few years, when my nan passed away last year it seemed to trigger something and it has progressed since. Apparently trauma can sometimes have an effect.
Hopefully its just usual old age memory loss but definitely better to get checked and catch early if you can.
Thinking of you

FarmGirl78 · 15/05/2023 09:19

There are meds available which can press pause on someone's memory issues. The sooner these are started the better (assuming they'd be suitable for her) as you can't get back what's already lost, they just stop it getting worse.

It's not just about having the nice chat to see someone about it, its reassuring her that things can easily be done to help. Hope the chat goes well and she takes it with the love it's clearly intended with. xx

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