I'm finding life very difficult at the moment. I have a three-year-old, I'm six months pregnant, and DH is being treated for a large invasive, incurable tumour - we don't know how much time he has left; if the treatment is successful, then it might give us a few years. If not . . . well, I can't really think about that.
My issue is that I have a very demanding job and although most of the pressure comes from my own objectives (my boss is great), I don't feel very secure in my role as I've not been there very long, and can't help feeling that maternity leave or sick leave etc. will damage my job security, reputation and prospects. Legally, of course, it shouldn't, but I had a bad experience during previous mat leave so I know that it does happen.
I've had an awful pregnancy and just at the time when I need extra help from DH, he is at his weakest, so I'm finding working and doing everything at home really difficult as I feel so unwell myself. I was dreading the weekend because I knew it would be exhausting, and now I'm dreading the working week ahead because it all just feels like too much. We don't have any family support and friends are all busy with their own families and responsibilities.
I feel like I need some time off work but I've already used up most of my annual leave and I don't want to go off sick - it's not in my nature to give up and not "cope". Ideally I would ask for reduced working hours to give myself a bit of a break to rest while our child is at nursery, but the problem with that is, I'm the higher earner and I'm trying to save as much money as possible to fund maternity leave so I need my full pay. DH is about to run out of company sick pay and move on to statutory.
I just feel very despairing at the minute. A bit overwhelmed. What would you do? Should I ask my GP for some time off work? I just feel so guilty for even considering it.