To quit my job with no job to go to

[Bluebloods]

I’ve only been back in the work force 5 years or so due to having kids with special needs who were unable to spend any long time in nursery so DH and I decided it would be best I stayed at home. Kids are now attending a specialist school. There’s no holiday clubs they can attend and no respite we can access so I have to work term time only.

Have recently moved to a new job. They’ve agreed for me to work term time only. They’ve signed me up to do a data system management course - this wasn’t mentioned it was just dropped on me and it’s a hard course and database management isn’t something I’d really want to do let alone train people how to use it. One big part of my job I think is just beyond my capabilities. In hindsight I think they’d have been better with someone from a tech background.

But I’m struggling to balance all the demands and the stress. I’m crying a lot, I’ve got pains in my arm and I’m short in patience. Mentally I have nothing left to give my kids as I’m so tired from working. My youngest is very difficult and comes home and often hits, screams, is jumping off furniture.

My DH helps but he’s out at work. I’m so limited with work and I’m fortunate that I don’t need to work but I feel like an utter failure giving up as my kids are at school during the day. But I just feel so utterly worn down.

Stick at it. Sounds like a good job that alllows you to work around your commitments. Nothing is beyond your capabilities take your time and ask for help. Good luck it s a big change and you will feel less tired with time.

It sounds like your very stressed with little reward. In your shoes, if you honestly dont need the job then I would quit and look for something else during the day....personally I would go and volunteer at an animal shelter 😊

Database management could potentially be quite complex if you dont have a tech background, was this part of your job description when you were hired? Rather than quit it might be worth sharing your concerns with your manager and explaining that this wasnt the job you signed up for if it wasnt clear from the hiring process

Please leave your job. You would not be an utter failure to use the time your DC are at school to take time for your self and do any prep you need to do so that your time together is more quality or easier.
It makes me sad that we’re now judged on our working status. I have made mistakes which mean I have to work for now but I’m working to improve my situation and as soon as I can work less or leave entirely I will do because it might be a cliche but life is for living not working

If you're at the point of quitting you have nothing to lose by speaking with your manager. I'd say what you have here, that you feel the expectation to do x is too great and not what you thought the role would be and that you're burning out. If you would like to stay but explore part time hours etc you could mention it and see what they say.

Is it that it's beyond your capabilities or is it that you lost confidence in your abilities being out of paid employment (but of course in an important role so not meaning to diminish the importance of it)? It does take a while to settle in to a new role, especially if it's your first back. The course will be intense but also very fruitful and useful for the future which would afford you flexibility.

Sorry mis read and saw that you've been back a few years.

Meant to add also that if you can afford it then nothing wrong with leaving any job, the cliche though is true that it's easier to find a new job (should you want one) whilst employed. Maybe take time some time off and see how you feel?

Speak to your boss. Explain the pressures you are under at home. If they're unhelpful or unsympathetic then you really don't want to work for them anyway.
I've got a DS with disabilities. There's only so much pressure parents can cope with. You need work that doesn't add to the load. I hope your current employer is supportive.

Is it the case that they are trying to avoid paying the type of salary that a qualified database manager with a tech background would ask for?

So instead they recruited you on the cheap and are trying to get you to do something you have no interest/aptitude for?

I think I would leave in this situation and it sounds like the job is making you miserable...

Or you could be honest and say that the database management side is not for you and never will be and ask whether they would consider moving you to other duties and hire someone to look after the IT side of things.