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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

how annoyed should I be?

12 replies

angsty · 14/05/2023 13:14

This is not a very serious issue but not entirely light and I felt like a little MN wisdom on how annoyed I should be/should have been with DH.

We had people over for dinner last night. I have a colonoscopy on Monday and so there were limitations in what I could eat. I had asked DH (who was doing the cooking) to leave some of the meat without sauce, as I could not have that particular sauce, and I'd just eat it plain. He proceeded, a while later, to put sauce on all the pieces of meat. I pointed it out, he said oh God, so sorry, I forgot. I asked him to please wash the sauce off a piece, which he did. All OK.

A (male) friend overheard this exchange and asked why can't you have the sauce? DH told him it's because I am having a colonoscopy. Now, these people are friends, but quite recently became so (last 8 months), we don't know them very well and have had them over maybe three times and not seen them in between. I was really embarrassed by having this information announced to this guy.

There on the spot I just said to DH "too much information!" in a light manner and he said, oh, I'm sorry. A while later when we were alone in the kitchen I gave him a bit of an earful and said I now felt very embarrassed in front of this man. DH said that he had already said he was sorry, agreed he was in the wrong and that I should get over it "or just leave". I "got over it" and behaved normally the rest of the evening, however underneath I still felt embarrassed and really really annoyed. I still feel annoyed this morning. Am I being too precious about this?

OP posts:
PuffinMcStuffin · 14/05/2023 13:16

I think you need to get over it. It's not like your DH invited the friend to come and watch the procedure being done.

HadEnough2023 · 14/05/2023 13:18

You need to get over it, he can't go back and change it now.

angsty · 14/05/2023 13:18

Yeah, I guess you are right. I just didn't like the thought of this guy (who is twenty-five years younger than me, don't know why that makes any difference but it felt it did for me somehow) contemplating my insides as we chatted over dinner...

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 14/05/2023 13:19

He apologised straight away in what seems to be a sincere manner, not being rude but what more do you actually want?

angsty · 14/05/2023 13:20

Yes, I accept that, officially over it now. Maybe a degree of anxiety about the procedure played a part...

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angsty · 14/05/2023 13:23

I would add that my DH is the kind of person who has no qualms about discussing his own personal medical information with people he barely knows, and sees people he has only just met as his bosom buddies, so he has a rather different filter to mine.

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Stratocumulus · 14/05/2023 13:24

I can empathise because I like total privacy when it comes to health but I think you should put it behind you and forgive your DH.
In my world men seem to forget a lot of stuff or treat information as inconsequential so your guest certainly won’t be dwelling on the information.

I hope all goes well and the outcome on Monday will put your mind at rest.

Asparename · 14/05/2023 13:26

I think your husband was thoughtless and the younger guest rude asking why you couldn’t eat it. I expect anxiety over the procedure is playing a part in how you are feeling though. I hope it goes well for you.

neverbeenskiing · 14/05/2023 13:27

Ah OP, he was tactless for sure but I really don't think he meant to embarass or upset you. I would have been the same in your shoes, and my default when I experience embarrassment is to get cross so I completely understand your reaction. But he has apologised and hopefully he'll be a bit more careful in future. Hope all goes ok for you on Monday 💐

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 13:29

Personally, if my husband told a newish friend, at the dinner table, that I couldn't eat sauce because I was under the arse doctor, I'd be well pissed off. If he then responded to my unhappiness by saying 'get over it or just leave', then Gipsy Charlotte's crystal ball would be showing the contact details of a divorce lawyer, and hubby might have a fat lip. Thankfully he wouldn't dream of doing that. However my female friend, who I just read the OP out loud to, said 'She's being precious'.

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 13:30

angsty · 14/05/2023 13:18

Yeah, I guess you are right. I just didn't like the thought of this guy (who is twenty-five years younger than me, don't know why that makes any difference but it felt it did for me somehow) contemplating my insides as we chatted over dinner...

I would totally hate to be put in that position, and I would probably never 'get over it'.

angsty · 16/05/2023 13:21

Quick update. Procedure went fine and I have nothing serious wrong with my gut! I have forgiven DH (who actually said sorry again the next day) and moved on. Thanks for the input and good wishes.

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