I have posted about my mother tangentially on MN before and the consensus from posters is that she is a massive narcissist. This has surprised me as I have only very surface level experiences. Not even the truly terrible stuff.
Not a formal diagnosis of course of course, but I recently read a list an article which listed 100 ways a narcissistic mother may impact a daughter and I identified with well over 85%. She even has the enabler husband to boot.
Anyway, last weekend my parents, brother and I went away for the weekend. My mum and I were speaking very late one night and something my mum said completely triggered me. I have my part to play in this too.
We were discussing my BIL and having a heart to heart re how much my brothers and I are really starting to spot red flags re controlling/selfish behaviour. I very clumsily said something like: "isnt it interesting how both you and DSis have ended up with people who ha e anger issues?". My mum snapped back with well :"my situation is different, the love of my life (her cheating ex huaband) was convinced to divorce me". A complete rewriting of history.
This triggered a nerve. My dad is basically NC with his side due to his loyalty to my mum. I asked her to leave my room, when she refused I just unleashed all my pain. I told her how awful a mother is. How other women would love to have me for a daughter- i'm uncompliated and for some reason just yearn to spoil my mum despite everything she has done to me. Our relationship is the reason I wont jave kids as i dont trust myself (I've been broody since I was 16).
This idea of being a regret to my mum was first introduced to me when I was 6 years old. We had had a VERY rare "girls day out" (only came about due to logistics/killing time) and on the way home she said she regretted marrying my dad, no idea the context. I'll always remember using the tweety bird keyring I had bought to dry my tears. Had a pit in my stomach for days. (I have experienced in patient treatment for anxiety and depression.
Not sure what I'm looking for. There really is no resolution, we're an enmeshed family with very complicated dynamics.
NC is not an option. It's just a painful thing.