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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel sad that I'm jot really that talented/successful?

13 replies

malificent7 · 14/05/2023 09:43

Been watching several reality shows where they feature dancing, art( eg.Glow up), singing and just feel so meh about my own skills.
I went to private school with loads of opportunities but because I was so badly bullied I never shone. Always picked last for sports for eg. I was quite good at art and people called me talented at it but I never pursued it.

I will never be a pro dancer, musician or artist but how can I feel less sad about it? I'm 45 so feel like I have little chance in my busy life to excell other than at work ( which I'm ok at but not a high earner).

I did get a 1st for my science degree 2 years ago which im really proud of but i love the arts.

OP posts:

Original poster

malificent7 · 14/05/2023 09:44

Not* ( can't even spell!)

OP posts:

PhoenixArisen · 14/05/2023 09:49

If you love your art, make it a hobby you prioritise. You could develop it into a side business or just enjoy it and feel fulfilled by it.

MrsALambert · 14/05/2023 09:51

Why don’t you do some art classes? I love doing classes as an adult, I wasn’t particularly amazing at anything at school either so not I just follow my interests such as sewing and photography.

PhoenixArisen · 14/05/2023 09:53

Do you visit galleries?
When you have a connection to something like art, it can make such a difference to just wander around a gallery, browse through books, go on a course, or just pick up some materials and get stuck in.
Who knows if you'll take it further or not but in the meantime, start getting reconnected and fulfil that yearning.

Fairislefandango · 14/05/2023 09:57

I will never be a pro dancer, musician or artist but how can I feel less sad about it?

Statistically almost everyone in the world isn't a pro dancer, musician or artist - even most of the people who actually train to become those things don't make it. Think of it this way - if you do your arts interest as a hobby, it can be for pure enjoyment, without fear of failure and without the restriction of what sells and makes you a living.

BirdChirp · 14/05/2023 09:58

Do an art foundation course if you can go part-time at work / find a part-time course.

I felt I'd missed out art-wise so did that in my 30s, then an art degree. But even just the foundation course on its own helps focus your creative outlet a lot. It's never too late. I had done zero art since the age of 14, got a first for my degree and sell work (not enough for a full time job, but a fair amount).

70sTomboy · 14/05/2023 10:06

I kind of get what OP means, it's the missed opportunities, lack of faith in abilities, and the mundane life we lead. If you have had talent but not the chance to use it that hurts.
As by my username, I was a 70s tomboy, loved football, but no opportunities for girls in those days. I took up football at 45, playing for a ladies' team. The average age is 23. I'm utterly shit at it. The opportunity to be good passed me years ago. I've just played my last season as it's become clear the coach doesn't want me there. It's shit but I'll find something else but I have no talents, no career, I have no idea what to do.

Freshfoods · 14/05/2023 10:26

There are millions of people who don't have a special talent. You don't have to shine at something to be a special person. For those people who do make it to the top as musicians, artists etc, they don't all have trouble free lives. Just enjoy being you.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/05/2023 10:34

It may help to remember that being a pro dancer/musician/artist is really effin hard and very very very rarely about feeling brilliant and talented. Mostly about the hard graft of learning and peddling your craft and mostly feeling like an unappreciated failure, even if you do manage to attain any level of success. The idea of these things is very romanticised. The reality is usually much less satisfying than a more 'average' life (if there is such a thing) and the reality shows don't show the actual reality at all - although you can sometimes get a glimpse into how tough it's been for them to sustain a career. Focus on what you do have and what are you good at (sounds like you're great at science!).

SkankingWombat · 14/05/2023 10:45

Fairislefandango · 14/05/2023 09:57

I will never be a pro dancer, musician or artist but how can I feel less sad about it?

This. Particularly the last part - I have a friend who is a professional artist. The stress to produce commissioned work when the inspiration is in a period of 'ebb' is awful, as is the stress of earning a steady enough flow of money. The art is their secondary income by necessity, which is surprising knowing how high profile some of their work has been.

thespy · 14/05/2023 11:09

You can join in! You may not ever be "the best" (subjective),but you can participate! Take classes / join a choir / am dram group. You can also be a supporter / patron of the arts - go to galleries, performances - organise a group trip with your friends, buy a piece by a local artist / volunteer. Start locally - there's bound to be loads of arts nearby. Maybe not what you see on TV - but thats the visible tip of the iceberg and some might argue it's not what the arts is really about. What I'm saying is you can immerse yourself in the arts and you can produce art, and you can get better at it. Just because you didn't do it when you were younger doesn't mean you can't now, and it doesn't mean you've wasted your life - you have loads of accomplishments to be proud of. People on the tele probably haven't got a first in a science degree.

Original poster

malificent7 · 14/05/2023 12:31

Thanks for the kind replies..i know i am. being. ureasoable. I do adore my job in the NHS which is something but it took me 45 years to find it after being a flop at teaching.

I guess Amy Winehouse and Kurt Cobain were super talented but unhappy.

OP posts:

90stalgia · 14/05/2023 12:35

Don't underestimate being good at your job as a marker of success - and being good at your job is not measured by how much you earn.

We glamorise those who succeed performing and creative industries, and of course such people enrich our lives in a very noticeable way, but it's the unsung heroes doing ordinary jobs who are the backbone of our lives.

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