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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I made the correct decision

6 replies

gimmeme · 14/05/2023 02:29

Daughter (10) had friend to stay tonight, also 10. This girl has stayed at my house a few times and had 'all nighters' and been fine.

However, the past two times she has stayed her mum has specifically asked me to make sure that she is sleeping for a reasonable time. Last time I tried to get her to sleep she got homesick so had to phone her mum at 1 am to pick her up.

Tonight she came down 3 times, I tried to settle her but by the end she was sobbing and begging to go home so obviously had to phone mum.

Her mum came and picked her up.

Obviously there will be no more sleepovers until she is older. To be honest I don't mind kids having sleepovers and doing 'all nighters' - isn't it part of the fun? But as her mum asked she sleep at reasonable time I need to respect that.

However, my husband thinks I should have sat on the couch and watched a film with her and settled her and that it's embarrassing I sent her home again.

She was literally sobbing and if I'd of made her watch a film, neither of us would have slept and I'd have to explain to the mum in morning.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Doodledeedum · 14/05/2023 02:40

I think you did the right thing. Have to honour that she was feeling homesick and if your child was crying at someone else's house to come home you'd likely want to know? I'd think some sort of mild conversation to help her along to try and stay it out would go on but anything more would be forceful and that is why I think you did the right thing.

I remember reading an article once on how young girls often don't speak out when they have a gut feeling and one example was sleepovers, how if they want to go home, to just be able to say and the parents - both ends- should honour it as they feel like they need their familiar space and we try to convince them otherwise, we dull their instincts/inner voice ( this was one example!) and so sorry if I'm explaining it very badly. But I'd want my daughter to call me if she wanted to just come home ...
( her mum wouldn't allow any more sleepovers if she was annoyed / upset I'm sure!)

Original poster
gimmeme · 14/05/2023 02:49

Doodledeedum · 14/05/2023 02:40

I think you did the right thing. Have to honour that she was feeling homesick and if your child was crying at someone else's house to come home you'd likely want to know? I'd think some sort of mild conversation to help her along to try and stay it out would go on but anything more would be forceful and that is why I think you did the right thing.

I remember reading an article once on how young girls often don't speak out when they have a gut feeling and one example was sleepovers, how if they want to go home, to just be able to say and the parents - both ends- should honour it as they feel like they need their familiar space and we try to convince them otherwise, we dull their instincts/inner voice ( this was one example!) and so sorry if I'm explaining it very badly. But I'd want my daughter to call me if she wanted to just come home ...
( her mum wouldn't allow any more sleepovers if she was annoyed / upset I'm sure!)

That's very interesting and I agree. Of course I tried to encourage her to stay but as soon as she was crying I was like of course you can go home, like what else am I meant to do?

I never got homesick so don't understand it myself, but this girl is at my house a lot so I'm glad she feels comfortable enough to tell me.

OP posts:
Original poster
gimmeme · 14/05/2023 09:03

Bump

OP posts:
Original poster
gimmeme · 14/05/2023 09:38

Bump

OP posts:
christmascalypso · 14/05/2023 12:02

You definitely did the right thing. She was very upset and wanted to go home. As her Mum I would have wanted you to call me so I could collect her. If you hadn't called me I would have been annoyed!

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 14/05/2023 12:14

My kids have had various friends over to stay, I've got 2 boys and a girl and have had to make that same call for each of them several times, it's distressing for homesick friend and also for your DC and you, so yes I think you absolutely did the right thing. If I was the friends mum I would have put a stop to sleepovers before now because she isn't coping with them - the idea and the reality are different. If any of my DC were feeling that way I would definitely want the call.

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