To think DD's friends are actually taking the piss out of her?

[jolp]

Or is this just how teenagers actually talk to each other now? My eldest is 29 and I don't recall anything like it when she was her sisters age but they are also very different people. My youngest is 16 (year 11) and has friends over quite regularly and honestly it feels like constant bullying? DD's response is always her laughing and even joining in by adding comments about herself? It's not like she is coming back at them with some joke about them so it's mutual it will be her laughing and adding a comment confirming it about herself? One of the friends said something about her shoes and she joined in making a comment about them and once they had gone I was saying how you desperately wanted those shoes so why are you now talking bad about them and she will just be like no I do want them obviously but it's just a joke about what they look like. It is stupid stuff like that but it feels personal, sometimes it's about DD's actual appearance or personality!

I don't know, seems quite horrible but is this really just "joking around"

A difficult one op! Your instincts are probably right. It’s good you are highlighting it tbh. If these supposed friends are bold enough to do this in your home in front of you then it either is all innocent or I hate to think what they will be doing in other settings. Best to err on the side of caution!

Is your dd confident with good boundaries in other settings? Some sixteen year olds are still quite young but can grow massively in confidence by the time they are twenty for example.

I should add although sometimes being teased can be a sign of acceptance, my dds and their friends (now in their late teens and early adulthood) always seemed to treat one another much more kindly and sensitively than we did at their age. Not helpful sorry!

I'd say it's fine if it's back and forth between them (banter innit) but one sided seems a bit off. I'd maybe have a word with her (although she'll probably say everything's ok). She needs to learn to not be frightened to stand up for herself a bit.