My Partner and I have a good relationship and we love each other a lot.
We live in separate cities, I am currently studying, we plan to move in together once I finish at University. We have been together for 3 years and Known each other for 4 and 1/2.
I stay at his every weekend. His house is bigger and can comfortably fit me and my son, and him and his two kids plus the dog.
I think I am just a bit feed up, I think he has been in my house 5 times in throughout our relationship. He has never stayed, he has 50/50 custody of the kids so it is viable. He changed the arrangements with his ex, currently he has the kids every friday night and saturday morning/late afternoon one weekend and the full weekend the next, I would never expect to have a say over arrangements with the kids but thought at this point we would discuss it together at least? I just feel like my son and I have to slot in with him and his family, I thought we would become more blended and perhaps expected more compromise on both sides.
I am up every morning between 5.30 and 6am and I have fibromyalgia. Sometimes I am just exhausted by the weekend and need to rest. He has said he doesn’t mind if I stay in bed. However when we argue it is apparent it is. My son is almost 13 and is happy to sort himself out, his son is 7 and has autism. He is up very early and is quite vocal, i have offered to get up with him to allow my partner to have a lie in but he always declines.
Coming towards the end if the academic year I just feel exhausted and under an immense amount of pressure. I decided not to go over this weekend to get some rest and try to sort out my head. I find his house very chaotic, there are no real boundaries or rules there and I just wanted to relax without feeling guilty. I do love him, more than anything, i just feel that our families aren’t blending fully and I find that really challenging. He says he just wants an easy life and for everyone to be happy, i sometimes feel like that’s just an excuse to let the children to whatever they want and it freaks me out. I have tried to talk with him about this, he says i focus on the negative and he focuses on the positive. That he doesn't know what to do and won’t stop doing what he is doing because his kids are happy. His daughter is 11 and has no bed time often going to sleep in the early hours of the morning and talking to god knows who on her phone, he won’t put safety settings on her phone or check it for safety. I do all these things with my son, he has a routine and structure. I check his phone every night, we have a great relationship. His DD
sleeps all weekend, if we go out early as a family she naps when we get home. I just don’t think it’s healthy and worry about ahat what will happen when we live together. I don’t know what i am looking for here. I fee like maybe I am nit picking but I just worry the way we parent is so misaligned, they doesn’t really eat vegetables, we do, we finish our mains before pudding and snack only if we have eaten our main meals. They don't. It has always worried me a bit but the closer we get to moving in together the less i want to do .