Nobody ever asks me about my life

Allbymyself44 · 2023-05-13T17:07:33+00:00

I realised something today and it's hit me like a sledgehammer. I met up with some friends. We haven't seen each other in about 2 months. As I was driving home I realised they didn't ask a single thing about my life. I've had a few things going on recently but they didn't ask about any of it. I've had some work issues, I've had Covid, I've been on holiday and generally been feeling quite low. Driving home made me realise how alone I really am. I literally don't have anyone I can speak to about important stuff. I also live quite rurally so the likelihood of extending my social circle isn't great. Pretty low tonight.

Bimbom · 13/05/2023 18:15

When I see my friends we just chat naturally and if somebody wants to offer up news or whatever they will. If I wanted to talk about something specific I wouldn't wait to be asked!

towriteyoumustlive · 13/05/2023 18:21

It's perhaps a sign that you need to start making some changes in your life. Go out more, meet new people etc...

KoalaPineapple · 13/05/2023 18:24

I’m sorry you feel like this, if it helps, I think a lot of people do unfortunately. I certainly do at times, I think a lot of friendships are quite surface level 😞 are you feeling ok from the covid?

Did you have a nice holiday? Where did you go?

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:28

Thanks all. Really appreciate your thoughts. Great name KoalaPineapple! I'm doing ok after Covid but feel a bit chesty still if I do too much. My holiday was pretty lonely to be honest but it was nice to be somewhere hot and different to home. I went to America.

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KoalaPineapple · 13/05/2023 18:32

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:28

Thanks all. Really appreciate your thoughts. Great name KoalaPineapple! I'm doing ok after Covid but feel a bit chesty still if I do too much. My holiday was pretty lonely to be honest but it was nice to be somewhere hot and different to home. I went to America.

Oh tell me about the chestyness it’s rough isn’t it!! I hope it improves soon for you 😊 America sounds good even if it was hot… I’ve been too hot today mind I’m not a hot body haha!

Did you go by yourself? Do you have anymore holiday plans? I’m not just asking for the sake of it by the way I really do love a good natter (and not about myself I’m boring as owt haha)!

The name is because I love koalas and I love pineapples 😂 thanks… it’s inspired haha!

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Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:34

KoalaPineapple · 13/05/2023 18:32

Oh tell me about the chestyness it’s rough isn’t it!! I hope it improves soon for you 😊 America sounds good even if it was hot… I’ve been too hot today mind I’m not a hot body haha!

Did you go by yourself? Do you have anymore holiday plans? I’m not just asking for the sake of it by the way I really do love a good natter (and not about myself I’m boring as owt haha)!

The name is because I love koalas and I love pineapples 😂 thanks… it’s inspired haha!

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Haha. I love koalas and pineapples too!

Yeah I went on holiday alone. Had to do it far too many times. No more plans at the moment but it would be good to get away again this year even if it's just a weekend near home.

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KoalaPineapple · 13/05/2023 18:37

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:34

Haha. I love koalas and pineapples too!

Yeah I went on holiday alone. Had to do it far too many times. No more plans at the moment but it would be good to get away again this year even if it's just a weekend near home.

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That’s more ballsy than I’d dare be good for you! I wish I could tho, feel like I’m a bit lacking in self confidence for these things alone! Sometimes when I’m feeling low I do some yoga or just dance like an idiot to my fave 90s indie bangers lol… maybe something like that would help to just shake the surface blues?! I hope you feel brighter soon x

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:45

Thank you. I really appreciate it.

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SaturdayGiraffe · 13/05/2023 18:53

This is very common now. Many people seem to have lost, or never developed, an ability to converse. It’s difficult but I don’t think it’s deliberately done, more that their minds simply don’t have the bandwidth to imagine someone else’s life being as interesting or valuable as their own.
They just need an audience.
I’m sorry they made you feel low. It is disheartening, I know.

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 18:56

You're probably right SaturdayGiraffe. Love your name!

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JMSA · 13/05/2023 18:56

I would ask you, if I knew you
I can't imagine being any different.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 13/05/2023 18:59

I am sorry to hear that. I am feeling a bit disconnected and sorry for myself today as well. I think being human is a very lonely business, even if you have people in your life. Post pandemic, a lot of people seem to have become very distant.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 13/05/2023 19:05

I hear you, OP. And sorry you are feeling low.

I recently flew back to my home city, first time since 2019.
As I always do, caught up with 2 school friends whom I've known 40+ years!
We stay in touch on Whatsapp and I speak by phone to one of them every so often.

The only question I was asked : "how's the love life?"

They are both long-term married and I am single.

I have to admit this question got me down in more ways than one.

Tumbler2121 · 13/05/2023 19:06

I phoned my sister this morning, lives the other end of the country but we keep in touch. I said I had to go after 45 minutes where she didn't ask anything or show interest on anything I said.

she did tell me about her health problems literally head to toe. Also heard about her lazy time wasting colleagues. And how upset she is that her retirement age has gone up.

i certainly did the right thing not telling her about my cancer diagnosis and treatment last year ... don't think she would have heard me.

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 19:10

Thanks all. That sounds incredible tough Tumbler. How is your health now?

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Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 19:11

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 13/05/2023 19:05

I hear you, OP. And sorry you are feeling low.

I recently flew back to my home city, first time since 2019.
As I always do, caught up with 2 school friends whom I've known 40+ years!
We stay in touch on Whatsapp and I speak by phone to one of them every so often.

The only question I was asked : "how's the love life?"

They are both long-term married and I am single.

I have to admit this question got me down in more ways than one.

I'm sorry that's all they asked you.

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JMSA · 13/05/2023 19:11

My best friend is great but can be self-absorbed. I am absolutely blatant with her, and will say things like 'and now on to me'.
To be fair, she takes it in good humour and even apologises!

Tumbler2121 · 13/05/2023 19:32

Allbymyself44 hiya, thanks for asking! Treatment done successfully, now getting over treatment side effects!

for me it was good to tell very few people .... of those I did many went straight into (horror) I'm stories of people they've known. I have two daughters .. one put her family's summer on hold to be there for me, the other assumed I was fine ... strange times.

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 19:40

Tumbler2121 · 13/05/2023 19:32

Allbymyself44 hiya, thanks for asking! Treatment done successfully, now getting over treatment side effects!

for me it was good to tell very few people .... of those I did many went straight into (horror) I'm stories of people they've known. I have two daughters .. one put her family's summer on hold to be there for me, the other assumed I was fine ... strange times.

Bless you. Can't have been easy.

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SittingHereInLimbo · 13/05/2023 19:42

@Allbymyself44 You sound like a lovely person—look how you've been asking after internet randoms on this thread!—which makes it even sadder that your "friends" are so self-absorbed.

It's rough if you're single and live alone in a small place and realise you could do with more/better friends. Another one here in the same boat. I have DC, but they live a long way away in different directions and are caught up in making their own lives. I mostly WFH, am a lot older than most of my colleagues & haven't spoken (even by phone) to another human being since Thursday afternoon.

I do have a few friends I see occasionally but they are all couples and have no idea what it's like and sometimes I can't bear another evening of "one of these things is not like the others."

Original poster

Allbymyself44 · 13/05/2023 19:47

SittingHereInLimbo · 13/05/2023 19:42

@Allbymyself44 You sound like a lovely person—look how you've been asking after internet randoms on this thread!—which makes it even sadder that your "friends" are so self-absorbed.

It's rough if you're single and live alone in a small place and realise you could do with more/better friends. Another one here in the same boat. I have DC, but they live a long way away in different directions and are caught up in making their own lives. I mostly WFH, am a lot older than most of my colleagues & haven't spoken (even by phone) to another human being since Thursday afternoon.

I do have a few friends I see occasionally but they are all couples and have no idea what it's like and sometimes I can't bear another evening of "one of these things is not like the others."

I work from home most of the time too which definitely adds to the isolation doesn't it? I'm so sorry you've not spoken to anybody else since Thursday. That can't be easy. I have weeks like that too 😥

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KathieFerrars · 13/05/2023 19:52

I know what you mean. Whereabouts in America did you go? I thought I was brave going to Guernsey by myself . When did you have covid? I had mine in Feb half term (sob).

Tumbler - I did not allow myself enough time post cancer treatment and went back to work too soon. Paid for it with years of fatigue.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 13/05/2023 20:01

Everyone on this thread seems really nice. These are my ideas - try a new group for some new friends. WI or some other interest group. Go on an organised holiday tour. Some one I know runs Wildlife spotting holidays where you become part of a group and go out to sites looking for different wildlife its a good way to meet new friends. I always say Hello to people as I go past. Sometimes this becomes people I then chat to and I am now friends with. Sometimes people just ignore me for 5 years! Hahaha! But you don't know if you don't try!