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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow nursery to use photos on social media

49 replies

wakethebaby · 13/05/2023 15:02

Quite torn on this and my friends all have differing opinions.

DC is starting nursery. I've agreed to let them take photos for internal use in the monitoring app and internal displays, but have said no to photos being used in the parents email newsletter and social media.

Is this unreasonable?

My main concern is once I agree to let them share pics of my child online I lose control of her online footprint, they effectively can post/share any image of her (with anyone) and we all know there are total weirdos on the loose online.

The flipside is I have many fond memories (and photos) of my own time in nursery, pre internet days so obviously not the same concerns back then. But I would feel sade if my DC was excluded from photos or asked to stand aside during experiences (does that happen?) or to see her with big blobs on her face in all the pictures. I'm probably overthinking it, but i have friends who have said yes and friends who said no, and both are quite happy with their choices for their own reasons.

I feel 70% happy in my 'no' to social/external emails, but I'm just curious to see what others think. Also if anyone has any stories where either has been good/bad choice please do share. Thanks

OP posts:
Thisisnotmyname2022 · 13/05/2023 15:04

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I’d say you were being very sensible. If I had young children now I would do the same thing to be honest.

Darkroot · 13/05/2023 15:05

I never allowed it. Don’t see the need.

They still always had nice pictures taken for their daily diary that I was able to access but I don’t agree with social media. But that’s just me.

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 13/05/2023 15:06

It’s a no from me too. She’ll still have more photos than we had. I don’t think I have any as a child at a childminders? That’s normal

FASDE1517 · 13/05/2023 15:06

Not UR at all. I'm a teacher and there's always a handful who can't be in our social media pictures. They stand at the front of a group shot to "help me use the camera" or "show everyone how to smile happily".

LadybirdsAreFab · 13/05/2023 15:11

Our daughter is 14 now and we did not allow her picture to be used online, all our friends knew not to use her picture online. At primary she became very adept at ducking out of pictures. The primary school mucked up spectacularly, they used two pictures in a flyer that went to every household/coffee shop in our city (overseas). Even now she will duck out of pictures that will be used on social media. We did sit down and explain our reason and she understands. She has no interest in FB/Tick Tock etc., and we will allow her when she asks but currently she doesn't see the point of living her life on social media. Not unreasonable at all.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 13/05/2023 15:15

You are not wrong to want to keep your child off photographs. That's your right as her parent. But I'm not sure what you want the nursery to do thereafter. She either has to be excluded in some way, or has her features concealed.

riversoflondon · 13/05/2023 15:21

I agree with @LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand. It's absolutely fine to opt out of nursery sharing her pictures on social media. Quite normal in school settings to have a group of children not to be photographed and shared.

However, YABU to want to opt out but ALSO fret about blobs on faces or the impact of being told to step aside during photos. You can't have it both ways. If you want to opt out, you need to train your daughter to duck out of group shots as she gets older, or accept that the adults have to blur or block her face if she does appear in a group shot.

Original poster
wakethebaby · 13/05/2023 15:22

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 13/05/2023 15:15

You are not wrong to want to keep your child off photographs. That's your right as her parent. But I'm not sure what you want the nursery to do thereafter. She either has to be excluded in some way, or has her features concealed.

Thanks, I think my preference would be to obscure or crop her out of any publicly shared images, rather than her be excluded from activities because her image isn't able to be shared.

When I said I'd feel sad about her being blobbed out, this was more in comparison to the (physical) photos I have from my nursery days, as I think it would be sad if she wasn't in any of the memories, assuming some pictures are taken for the sole purpose of social media rather than sharing with parents. Does that make sense?

OP posts:
Original poster
wakethebaby · 13/05/2023 15:25

riversoflondon · 13/05/2023 15:21

I agree with @LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand. It's absolutely fine to opt out of nursery sharing her pictures on social media. Quite normal in school settings to have a group of children not to be photographed and shared.

However, YABU to want to opt out but ALSO fret about blobs on faces or the impact of being told to step aside during photos. You can't have it both ways. If you want to opt out, you need to train your daughter to duck out of group shots as she gets older, or accept that the adults have to blur or block her face if she does appear in a group shot.

Yes totally and this is why I'm conflicted, however my desire to protect her online footprint outweighs my FOMO for her.

OP posts:
Spiderboy · 13/05/2023 15:27

Don’t over think it. No one is missing out on anything by you saying no surely? You can’t keep them off the internet forever but this is such an easy choice if you are not comfortable

riversoflondon · 13/05/2023 15:27

Oh, your responses now make it sound like you think she won't take part in some actual activities because of your social media preferences. That will never be the case. She will DO everything as normal. They may just tell her to stand to the side or behind the camera when it's photoshoot time.

Original poster
wakethebaby · 13/05/2023 15:30

Spiderboy · 13/05/2023 15:27

Don’t over think it. No one is missing out on anything by you saying no surely? You can’t keep them off the internet forever but this is such an easy choice if you are not comfortable

Oh I am totally overthinking this lol. And I have actual real problems to tackle, yet somehow this is the thread I started... 😩

OP posts:
AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 13/05/2023 15:31

Have you asked the school how they will implement your choice, relating to SM pictures, etc? E.g, will they be blurred our, or will they be asked to step aside?

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 13/05/2023 15:32

out*

PuttingDownRoots · 13/05/2023 15:32

Yanbu... these are pictures that have no actual need.

But, as she gets older, you might need to make decisions. For example a few years ago my DDs photo was in a newspaper meeting a dignitary at an event. The only way to avoid that would her not attending the event. Recently she's appeared in photographs of youth sports events, although they ask for any child who can't appear be pointed out to the photographer that tries to avoid them and doesn't publish the photos they are caught in.

I'm aware that for some children not appearing in these will unfortunately always ben non negotiable. But you may have to make a decision at some point.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 13/05/2023 15:33

I am considerably older than most here. Photos from school were only the official class sort and social media wasn't a thing. She will have lots of family photos you can share with her when she's older. Please don't think she'll miss out at nursery

Crazydoglady1980 · 13/05/2023 15:33

riversoflondon · 13/05/2023 15:27

Oh, your responses now make it sound like you think she won't take part in some actual activities because of your social media preferences. That will never be the case. She will DO everything as normal. They may just tell her to stand to the side or behind the camera when it's photoshoot time.

This, when I worked in a nursery photos of activities were taken and either the photos taken were aimed so certain children weren’t included or things such as just hands or feet were showed with the main picture being the activity.

pecantoucan · 13/05/2023 15:33

It's not unreasonable and most nursery's shouldn't be focusing on social media campaigns anyway - they're going to get booked up fast especially when the new free hours come in

strawberryjeans · 13/05/2023 15:35

I’ve worked in nurseries. Sometimes they will put a sticker/emoji over the child’s face, or sometimes sit them on the end etc so they can be cropped out. Or as PP says, depending on the practitioner they might say ‘Susan do you want to help me take the photo?’

Original poster
wakethebaby · 13/05/2023 15:35

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 13/05/2023 15:31

Have you asked the school how they will implement your choice, relating to SM pictures, etc? E.g, will they be blurred our, or will they be asked to step aside?

No, but this brings up a good point, and perhaps a source of my anxiety.

I looked on their social media to see what it looks like and there appears to be no blurring or cropping whatsoever. So either all the children's parents have said yes OR they are just super skilled at positioning/grouping the approved kids. I should probably ask them tbf.

OP posts:
strawberryjeans · 13/05/2023 15:35

And it’s not unreasonable at all! Sensible in fact

gazpachosoupday · 13/05/2023 15:37

I didnt mind DS being in nursery or primary school photos on social media, if he was not named, so its just generic child enjoying class type thing. On the flip side of that, I havent put his photo up on my social media since he was about 3.

However he has expressed that he doesnt want to be in photos anymore on any social media, so I have opted out now and if we had gotten to the point where it hadnt been mentioned by senior school, I would have asked what he preferred.

At his school, they tend not to take photos of any child who has opted out (I assume there is a list for the teacher) if its a class shot, he has a lovely yellow blob, which is also fine

blahblahblah1654 · 13/05/2023 15:38

It doesn't bother me and I've given my childminder permission to use any photos. But if you're not comfortable with it it's definitely not unreasonable. You don't need to overthink it.

CharlotteFlax · 13/05/2023 15:40

Tbh I didn't read most of your post beyond the title.

It doesn't matter what anyone else wants, you do what you like in this situation.

You will always be asked for consent about photos in nursery/school/play groups/classes/brownies/cubs etc and that's because you have a choice!

Your choice is your business and doesn't have to be justified to anyone.

YANBU

PS. Nursery will still take photos of your kid for their learning journeys and you will still see them, they're just not published for everyone else to see

NurseCranesRolodex · 13/05/2023 15:42

I would do the same now too if my DC were at this age. Anyone in the future can search for images and even use to bully. It's horrible what can happen. It's unfair on the child when their image is broadcast for public consumption, I just don't get why people still do this. I'd allow for internal email, newsletter, display but not external. Most of the time external would be Twitter, Facebook, Instagram possibly depending on the establishment. Go with your instinct though.

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