Lack of help

[Gilead]

Dd has a habit of hate keeping for anyone involved in her life. She shares a house a mile from me with a chap who helps care for her (she has various difficulties).
Occasionally I will ask for a hand with something or for something to be done for me. I stopped asking last month after receiving a really nasty diatribe via messenger about how demanding I am. (I’d asked him to nip to the Cashpoint so that I could pay the cleaner) He’d had just done a two hour drive, having borrowed my car, but I wasn’t asking for it instantly, just sometime in the next 24 hours.
Today, I tentatively asked for help to get to an appointment next Friday. Basically was told by dd to find someone else.
Now, I am disabled and a wheelchair user. I’m in my sixties and so most of my friendship circle are between 60 - 75. These are the people she wants me to ask to get my heavy electric wheelchair in and out of the car. Dd is 26 and carer is 40. I honestly don’t think I’m being unreasonable asking her, it’s not as though I ask daily.
Anyway would be interested in other people’s perspective.

Gatekeeping!!

The carer is a paid employee?
How is he funded?

If he is being paid to care for your daughter, then he shouldn't be assisting you. It's not part of his job and he probably wouldn't be insured for doing so.

He isn’t a paid carer, he’s a family friend who helps keep her safe when necessary.

Who are you asking for help, your dd or her carer? If her cater who sounds like he’s not paid but a friend, I can understand why he wouldn’t want to help seeing as he already spends some of his free time caring. Can you get a carer for yourself?

It sounds like your dd and the carer are feeling overwhelmed. Maybe they have enough on their own plates. I would suggest maybe look into other sources of help for yourself to preserve your relationship with dd. Maybe in time they will be able to do more bit I think relying on them is probably unwise.

I'm not sure I understand the set-up here.

The family friend/carer shares a house with your DD but you think that they should also be supporting you?

Unless there's a lot more to this, I think YABU.

He's your daughters carer, not yours. How do you normally pay your cleaner?

Do you claim attendance allowance? This is to pay for help. Is the appointment medical, could you use hospital transport? I do think that you need to look elsewhere. Is there a charity for your condition, or would you be comfortable contacting a general older charity who has volunteers? Tbh if you put the help you need on a neighbour group, where I live, you'd get help.

Sorry, OP, but you need to sort out your own care.
I say that as a disabled person myself.
You can't expect a random bloke (because that's what he is - he is not a paid carer) to assist you with wheelchair transfers etc.

This is quite an odd set up. He just volunteers out of the kindness of his heart to look after your DD?

Are you asking your DD if her friend can help you?

If he's not a paid employee, then shouldn't you ask him directly if he can do you a favour? If he is a family friend, then don't you have a relationship with him directly.

It's a little odd to ask someone to make their friend do you a favour.
I'm not sure why your DD would be involved in the discussion at all.

So, your DD has a family friend who lives with her and is her carer, but unpaid. In teturn he can have occasional use of your car and (Im guessing) doesnt pay rent, biils, or food. Thats not a great deal for him, and I dont see why he'd be keen to take more on, Im guessing theyre tryibg to set boundaries.

If you have an independent relationship with him, then ask him yourself. If you don’t, don’t.

It’s a bit like my mum asking my partner to do a favour. I’d tell her to ask him directly.

I did ask him directly, she intervened. I don’t rely on him or her for help but the odd favour. I guess I thought because I’d helped them out it was safe to ask.
Yes it’s an odd set up, he used to share with her brother but was looking to move so he moved with her.
I will take advice offered though and look elsewhere for help. It seems I’m looking for a bit too much.