To be hopeful I can change my life after 40?

[Macbeth89]

I’m 43
iv spent the last ten years studying
being a single mum
caree to my mum

im horrendously overweight but am losing it
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone
am I crazy to think I can find love, build a new life with more friendships ??? Or have I left it too late?

many inspiring stories welcome

What have you spent ten years studying and what is the culmination of your studies?

I’d suggest concentrating on your new career and continued weight loss and becoming happy and content which will lead to greater friendship opportunities.

Have a view if you have a relationship it’s icing on the cake and not your main goal

good luck op

43 is still young. There is still 25 years of active working age life before retirement. That's heaps of time to change direction completely.

Make goals - 1 year, 5 years, 10 years. Buy a good quality diary and begin journaling. Look back in the future at how far you have come.

Of course you can. I started a new career at 40. At 50 I divorced fuckwit XH. And I found a new one a couple of years later (and I was fairly fat, but tbh so is he!)

Must say I wouldn’t personally find journaling or five year plans of any use whatsoever in changing my life! But we’re all different …

I've lost 5 stone in my 40s and am fitter than I've ever been in my life.

I gave up a job that was "easy money" in some ways but I found incredibly stressful and am now in a new job with less stress.

I lost both my parents in that first COVID year which was a shock and not what I'd expected (we knew my mum was dying so I'd expected to become my dad's carer).

I know loads of women in their 40s and 50s who are re-finding themselves after a couple of decades of children and parents being the priority so if you go looking there will be lots of people available to befriend! I joined a walking group and a socialising group on Facebook - neither have resulted in new best friends but both have let me do stuff I want to do in the company of pleasant, interesting people.

Good luck!

43 is really young.

What were you studying?

Psychology
i have worked my way up to a pint. Where I am now a secure job and financially secure

but it’s been hard and iv suffered with my mental health. Iv ended friendships that weren’t healthy but was probably more my issue too at the time I just couldn’t see it. I have barely any friends left and am lonely

You can totally reinvent yourself at 43! You’re young! Go for it! Xx

I would maybe find one small thing to change or work towards - joining some kind of group activity perhaps? Don't put pressure on yourself to come away with new friendships, just spending time around other people participating in the same activity could be comforting and ease that sense of loneliness.

I wouldn't try and make lots of big changes at the same time - you'll overwhelm yourself and then feel worse if you can't progress things. Just pick one small, manageable thing and stick with it for a while. In time that gets you somewhere new.

Are there any classes or groups or activities near you? A walking group? A knitting group? Cooking? Crafty things can be good because the focus isn't on interacting with new people but you do still get to spend time around friendly people.

You could join classes online first if it feels too overwhelming to go in person? The WEA could be an option or see what's on locally at libraries, parks, charities, etc.