what would be best for my baby? this is hard

[buipl]

I have a seven month old baby. My exDH is not around, hasn’t been from week 3! I haven’t even seen him since. He’s paying some money while we progress the divorce. I didn’t see any of this coming.

DC is a lovely baby. But the last four weeks they are constantly needing attention, understandably. I am unable to get anything done. I am ok as I’m sleeping and have money but I can never have a moment in the day, just ten mins here and there and then the crying starts. They just want to be entertained, nothing is actually wrong.

Sadly my parents can’t look after dc without me there due to their health. Ex Dh’s parents have died. At this point I don’t know whether to put dc in nursery for a couple of days. I am feeling sick at the idea of leaving them but I am going to have to anyway at twelve months for work.

what is best for dc? To keep them with me and muddle through? I am ok so not in dire need but it is becoming draining as I am unable to entertain dc non stop.

May be you can take him to some playgroups or stay and play sessions, so you get company of other parents. Sending them to nursery 2 days a week can be a good start to take some rest for yourself. All the best, you are doing a great job 👍

That must be very hard OP.

I would use a babysitter agency and get them a few times over the next weeks to support whilst at home and see if that helps.

I had a Velcro baby and it’s very hard.

Do you work op? Or are you on mat leave? If you're on mat leave and returning to work at some point anyway, you will need childcare anyway. I see no issue either way with putting your DC in a nursery. It's fine. What things are you needing to get on with? Just thinking if it's housework, it might actually be cheaper to pay for a cleaner then a nursery!

What's best for your baby is having a mother/primary carer who can function properly. If putting him in nursery helps achieve that then do that.

Put him in nursery.

Look after your mental health and get some rest.

It’s probably a good idea to start him now if he’s going at 12 months anyway. It means that you can get the transition over and done with now rather than worrying about it and possibly getting called in to pick him up when you’re supposed to be working.

Do it, if you can afford it then just do it.

I had a velcro baby and it was torture
3 years I muddled through and it was the best thing for the pair of us,is when he started nursery (he should have started much earlier for my sanity)
I got a break (i could pee in peace and drink a cuppa)-he got to learn that mummy always came back and he got to play with others (and they had better toys and activities)
The leader was amazing-she got my guilt and made sure she made a fuss of what a big boy he was
We had the screaming and the tears but within a month (!) He trotted in just fine and didn't look back at me
He's now 23 and given half a chance would glue himself to my side but honestly nursery was fantastic for both of us-and helped build the steps for school

Definitely put your gorgeous baby into nursery for a day or 2 a week. You are struggling with zero help, so the nursery would give you much needed breathing space to recharge your batteries and be an even better mummy.

Put baby in nursery for a day or two.

He’ll be going there anyway so think of it as an extended settling in period.

You also need to look after your own mental health - you’ll be a much better mother of you are rested and healthy.

Do it op. It will.be easier for DC when you eventually do go back to work too as they will be used to the nursery/daycare/wherever you choose.
For your own mental health you need a break from your little one, they are full on and can feel all consuming at times.
You are going through a lot with your divorce too. You need to take care of yourself.

If you haven't already thought about it apologies universal credit. There are calculators online to help you see what you will be entitled to, part of this will be you will entitled to a large portion of childcare fees paid.
You can still apply when you are receiving SMP, which is not counted as income (although MA is which is a bit unfair)

Should say MA isn't, which is the unfair bit

Yes to nursery.

Also start building a support network. Get in touch with gingerbread, the charity that supports single parents. Once DC has been in nursery for a little while, ask if any of the carers are interested in babysitting work in the evenings.

Claim cms. Are your in- laws still part of your lives??

I think nursery is the only way to cope as a single parent, it was the best thing for me. Had mine in since 5 months, 4 days a week. You get no time for yourself otherwise.

My youngest was exactly the same. He wanted attention constantly and was clingy to me. Putting him in nursery for 2 days a week was the best thing I ever did, he gained so much confidence from it and loves playing with his little friends.

I would try one day a week first
Maybe midweek to break the week up ...or Monday would be something to look forward to if you are alone all week end with baby
If baby is happy and it helps you could then add another day. If you do it don't always use the extra time for housework catch up. Good some days but try to get out sometimes for a coffee/lunch out with a friend or even a cinema or shopping visit on your own if necessary or if you would prefer that. It's hard to do everything yourself op so carve a bit of space for yourself if you can. 💐

Hi OP,

Firstly, congratulations on the birth of your baby. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it has been to look after them on your own with no / limited outside support - I have a baby just a few months younger than yours and am constantly EXHAUSTED (and that’s with a LOT of help). Your DC is obviously a very loved and happy baby, else they wouldn’t be attached to you in the way they describe!

Your question has no right or wrong / no YABU or YANBU because every baby and every parent is different - you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

That being said, it sounds like you need a break and some help. It takes a village to raise a child, and that village could be a couple of days at nursery for you. You would get a break and your DC would get a chance to socialise; maybe they will be less attached to you once fully settled in nursery? I certainly don’t think it would harm your baby and I would do the exact same in your position. Do what you need to do to get some rest!