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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being patted on the back

17 replies

Mooshamoo · 12/05/2023 23:48

Does anyone else hate being patted on the back by men?

I was at a meetup group and I was having a nice night, until a man that I really don't like, came up to me and said "Ann how are you" and started patting me on the back. He is the worst man at that group. I really don't like him. So when he touches me it makes me feel awful.

Similarly another time I was at a walking group and I had to tell a man to stop patting me. He would come up behind me to look at the view, and pat me on tha back every time. I had to tell him i didn't like it. I saw him later on standing by a woman, and he was rubbing and patting her back. She also looked like she didn't like it.

I see some men when they go up to a woman and say hello to them, they pat the woman on the back. I think they see it as an acceptable way to touch women.

If I meet a man in a group, I don't pat the man on his back when I say hi.

It's being touchy. What do you think.

OP posts:
CountMushroom · 12/05/2023 23:49

I don’t think I’ve ever been patted on the back by a male friend or acquaintance in my life!

Mooshamoo · 12/05/2023 23:54

Wish that was me. I hate being patted!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 12/05/2023 23:58

Like @CountMushroom I can't say I've been patted on the back (potentially except for in a hug if I've been upset about something ??) in all the years I've been alive.

How very odd.

SquashAndPineapple · 12/05/2023 23:59

I've never been patted on the back! That I remember anyway!

Restinggoddess · 12/05/2023 23:59

‘Please do not do that I don’t like it’

I think some people these days don’t know how to greet other people - so move away and politely say the above
If he replies something to suggest you are being weird - just reiterate like a broken record ‘I don’t like that’

Mooshamoo · 13/05/2023 00:00

Really ? You're lucky.

OP posts:
Mooshamoo · 13/05/2023 00:01

Restinggoddess · 12/05/2023 23:59

‘Please do not do that I don’t like it’

I think some people these days don’t know how to greet other people - so move away and politely say the above
If he replies something to suggest you are being weird - just reiterate like a broken record ‘I don’t like that’

Yes I have told a man to stop patting me

OP posts:
Mamai90 · 13/05/2023 00:07

If someone has done this to me I haven't noticed! But I agree with PP tell them you don't like it.

LaurieFairyCake · 13/05/2023 00:17

I always get men trying to hug me so they can feel my boobs against them

I literally put a hand up and say 'I'm not a hugger' to men

GodspeedJune · 13/05/2023 00:21

That’s awful Laurie some men are disgusting!

SarahSmith2023 · 13/05/2023 00:21

I'm a hugger, I just assume 'patters' want some contact, but not a hug. 🤷🏻‍♀️

echt · 13/05/2023 00:46

In a professional context, only the handshake is OK to offer.

That man was a sleaze. It's also patronising to a stranger, especially a woman. Man-to-man attaboys can be part of the workplace culture, but still shouldn't be assumed theses days.

echt · 13/05/2023 00:48

Sorry. Piss-poor reading skills - not a professional context.

Double and triple bleurghhh. Handshake still the only OK thing.

Rosebud21 · 13/05/2023 00:49

I recently did a Meetup walk, walking alongside & happily chatting with a man, who I'd met for the first time that day. He kept touching my arm as we talked. I strongly dislike being touched in this way & just sped up to walk with others as increasing the distance between us while we chatted wasn't deterring him. I will speak up if we meet again & the same thing happens. YADNBU, it's annoying & feels invasive

Cantuserealname · 13/05/2023 01:40

I used to work with a man who, when leaving a meeting, would put his hand on your back to help guide you through the doorway. I'd told him on a couple of occasions not to touch me but he continued and eventually I snapped. Said 'don't touch me, I know how doors fucking work, I've been using them for years'. Shocked witnesses reported that because I didn't raise my voice I came across as quite menacing, which was nice to know 😀

Catsmere · 13/05/2023 06:37

I hate it. Once told a friend’s very creepy BiL, who I’d only met a couple of times, “Take your hand off me” when he planted his hand on my back. Then he went whining about how mean I was (“Nobody’s spoken to me like that since my ex” yeah no wonder she dumped you) and demanded an apology.

FangsForTheMemory · 13/05/2023 07:01

I had this quite recently. The guy was obviously trying it on and had been flirty with me for several weeks. I’d been trying to put him off. I’m convinced he thought it was a way he could touch me that I couldn’t object to. I jumped out of my skin. I didn’t say anything but made sure I’ll never be in his company again.

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