Bed wetting older child

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DD is 8 and still occasionally wets the bed. It’s got less frequent and now she might only fully wet say every 2 months. And that’s waking up in the small hours of the morning soaked. Sometimes she starts to wee in the night, but realises and gets up to use the bathroom (approx every 6 weeks or more)

so I realise this isn’t a big problem in that it doesn’t happen frequently and is happening less frequently. It doesn’t feel like she needs medical intervention because it doesn’t happen a lot, but she’s at an age where I feel like it shouldn’t be happening. I’m quite confident from speaking to friends with DCs same age that they don’t have this issue, and it’s only parents with younger children (say age 3 or 4) that say they sometimes have similar with their DCs

More nights than not she will get up during the night to go for a wee. Only a couple of nights a week will she sleep all the way through without getting up to go to the toilet.

she drinks normally, goes to the toilet before bed. She doesn’t have any worries or known reasons why it happens when it does, she says she doesn’t know.

she doesn’t seem embarrassed or bothered by it, but also she can’t go to sleepovers or there’s a school residential coming up that I don’t feel she 100% wouldn’t wet the bed at.

is there anything I can do?

I would buy an alarm mat - it's the only thing that worked for my son. You can get them through the ERIC site

My generally typically developing DD went on wetting the bed until 12 or 13. So did a few others I know. It's not 'usual' but it does happen for a significant minority without there being any underlying serious problems.

The thing that helped DD most was time! So if your DD is gradually growing out of it then your instinct that she doesn't need medical intervention is probably sound.

However, useful things while she is growing out of it - waterproof sheets etc if you haven't already invested. Alarms can work well for some kids. DD hated them and it just made us all tired in addition to the wet bed There is a medication called desmopressin which suppresses urine production overnight and can either be used regularly or as a one off for sleepovers etc. you need a referral to the continence nurse for meds. Alarms can be loaned for free from the continence clinic but also bought privately (eg ERIC website).

Sleepovers and school trips should be possible for her. If it's an adult supervised school or hobby trip then talk to the leaders (with DDs permission). She won't be the first or last child they have met with the problem. DD used either to wear a pull up or to take desmopressin (or both). Sleepovers again talk to DD, but if she is happy then have a chat with the parent about her need to wear a pull up in case or to take desmo.

Good luck! It's not much fun but there is light at the end of the tunnel sooner or later.

Waking up to go to the toilet is a good sign, shows she has the necessary hormones required to tell her to wake up that her bladder needs emptied.
Is it possible that the nights she does have an accident she is just in such a deep sleep she doesn't wake?
The ERIC website is a good place to start or I would speak to the continence team for a bit of advice or reassurance, your GP should be able to refer you.
My middle child still wears a pull up to bed and she is 5, until my oldest was 6 he still had spells where he would go through wetting the bed, and he'd been out of nappies and getting up to use the toilet since he was just turned 3, but he's 8 now and hasn't done it in a good long time.

It's more common than people let on, my nephew also wore pull ups until he was about 8 and he was wet every night, the alarm worked for him but as I say he was every night wet.

She will get there. My DD bed wet occassionally till she was that age. DH bed wet till he was 14! So there must be a genetic element related to it.

Anyway, they are both fine now of course. If it's only occassional I would try not to worry too much about it. We found there were certain times it was much more likely to happen - typically if DD had been late and had lots of drinks/ sweets/ food in the afternoon or evening (e.g. if we had been to a BBQ). Clearly the mix of being very tired and the sugar/ drinks impacted it. We found on those nights it would help if we woke her up around 11 to take her to the loo.

My daughters are both 9 and 11 bedwet frequently. Both have grown up wetting the bed most weeks. I have been to the GP there’s nothing they can really do for it it’s as you say drug for some weeks and wet some other weeks it’s so hit or miss. My sons have no issue at all.

If it were my child I'd want to speak to my GP about it.

Exactly the same as my son (same age too). It’s not very frequent, but frequent enough to be annoying. I’m hoping he just grows out of it. He does it more often if he drinks juice or squash, so he only has water now. No solutions, just solidarity!

@RobinsEggBlue i find DryNites if he’ll wear them are pretty good to try and protect the bed

Thank you for these responses, I appreciate it. I’m going to have a read through now.

It can't be that unusual given every major supermarket sells pull ups for 8-12 year olds!

If you feel you need support you could ask to be referred to your incontinence team. An alarm is a good idea.

My son is 9 and we've recently seen a continence nurse. He wets every night. His bladder isn't holding as much urine as it should for his age so he's on oxybuytin now. We are yet to see any improvement but it's only been a couple weeks x

My DS(8) still wets the bed with only the odd dry night and has been referred to the Enuresis Clinic. It is totally normal for a minority of children to still wet the bed at this age and beyond. I wet until I was 13 and there is a genetic component to it as my DF also wet until a late age. M

The enuresis clinic referral took nearly 6 months to come through whereas previously it was only about three weeks - this time the nurse said the delay is because of a large surge in referrals of children aged around 9-10 who are due to go on school residentials - so don’t let anyone tell you that your child can’t go on a residential or that she’s not normal.

There is a number of strategies to try and ERIC has these and you can call them too. Given the very intermittent nature of her bed wetting you might be able to crack this by speaking to ERIC rather than needing to be referred to the clinic.

DS is 16 and it still happens occassionally. The enuresis nurse said he should grow out of it by 18. If he drinks orange juice or squash at any point in the day it tends to happen or if his sleep schedule changes. He has a waterproof mattress so I just have to wash bedding when it happens (he takes it to the washing machine in the night if he wakes up). Nothing worked for him when he was younger - he is autistic with sensory issues which may also contribute. Either way he is unusual and most have stopped by secondary school but I remember on his year 6 trip I had to talk to his teacher and she said there are always 2 or 3 per class still bedwetting at the end of primary.

Hi, occasional adult bed wetter here! I’ve been doing it since childhood and it’s got less and less over time (from weekly to now only once every few months). I did take desmopressin for it when I was younger and that worked very well, I would recommend asking the GP for it. I only stopped taking it as it became so infrequent that it didn’t seem worth it. Alarms etc are fine but never really worked for me.

One thing I will say is that (if not already) please try not to show any sign of annoyance when it happens. My mum would say it was fine but I could tell she was frustrated at having to change the sheets, and then I would feel more pressure not to do it and ended up doing it more. Even now, when it happens rarely, I only do it when I’ve just changed the sheets.

Hope you can get some help for your daughter as I know how stressed I was about sleepovers, I did wet the bed once and I was mortified!

Mum to a 13yr old bed wetter here. Currently trying to work out how I can support mine on a school camping weekend. She has done many a Brownie and then guide camp as well as residential in school.

If your daughter sees it as 'stuff happens' try and keep it that way. Kids can be cruel and I think the other kids are her biggest issue here. Teachers, guide/scout leaders etc have seen it all before and have ways of dealing with it. So do talk to them rather than stopping your daughter going away.

In terms of sleepovers there are beginning to be other options around. Look at the homemakers reusable period products. I only say homemakers because of her age and likely size. I've just bought my DD some Modibodi incontinence pants... which look exactly like the period ones she uses monthly. I'm hoping they do the trick.

Things to think about...

Blackcurrant or any other dark squashes and fruit shoots of any flavour (or similar bottles of own brands) are the work of the devil. Avoiding those completely cut down alot of problems here.

Over stressed and over tiredness often cause issues as do changed sleep patterns. I often predict we're going to have issues if she's had a few late nights then sleeps heavily to compensation (so the night after Brownie camp for example!)

Big thing is though do whatever you need to do to not stress about it. There is little you can do and stressing doesn't help (I have been there...)

One of mine has sleep apnea die to large tonsils with similar issues

It isn't a sign of any medical problem. It isn't the norm but is far from unusual. She will not be the only bed wetter in her class. Most children grow out of this by year 6 /7 but as per pps a few carry on. It isn't pathological. The fact that she often wakes to go to the loo and that the frequency is lessening are good signs. If you want to intervene, the school nurse help with this and might suggest an alarm or medication via your GP. Look at the ERIC website.

From my experience of school journeys, your DC is far from alone; when planning for school trips, it was routine to arrange loans of waterproof sheets, when forewarned by parents, from the local authority. As PP's have said, there can be a genetic factor, and it is sometimes developmental, so your instincts are probably spot on with this. You can always consult your GP is you think medication might help things along.

Would she not wear pull ups for residentials or sleepovers if bedwetting is the only thing stopping her from attending? You can get some really discreet ones these days that are just like underwear, Ninjamas I think they're called?

My nephew suffered with nighttime bed wetting until about 9y/o. Doctors did mention it can be hormonal, with some kids not having sufficient production of an anti diuretic hormone that reduces the amount of urine your body produces during the night and this should naturally correct at a certain age.

Brother and SIL tried all kinds - stopping any drinking too close to bed time, periodic awakening through the night, waterproof mattresses, alarms that alert to moisture etc but he was still having to wear pull-ups at night, so was embarrassed and unable to say stay over at a friends house. Eventually, GP referred him to specialists and he was put on some meds (sorry don’t recall the name) and very quickly was sorted.

Go to the GP - there is help available. Hope you get your daughter sorted.

My DC was similar at 8 - perhaps every 6 weeks or so - and now at 9 hasn't wet the bed for months and months so I suspect it is over now. I wouldn't worry so much if the wet nights rare as it does sound like they are already growing out of it.

Don't stop her from going to the residential if she wants to go.

My son was similar and I just gave him a towel to put down after if he had an accident and spare pair of pj's. I told the teacher too so that she would be aware it could happen but that he knew how to sort himself out. In the event he didnt have an accident. I also found that getting him to do the legwork of changing his bed the next day helped him to grow out of it.

Thank you @LillteSwim I will take a look at those

Some good tips and reassurance here, thank you.

can I ask if those using the bed mats/alarms have found that this actually stops bed wetting on a more long term basis? I see how they would work nightly in that the child then gets up to go to the toilet, but how about if they are sleeping elsewhere and so don’t have the mat? Thanks.