Does anyone not fit in at work?

[Spanakopitas]

I work in a residential care setting, a colleague of mine is having her 30th birthday next weekend.
I'd known about this as I have her on social media and I've asked her twice what she's doing for her 30th, she just said she's having a party. So I assumed family/close friends usual situation.

I've worked there for almost 5 months, we aren't close but I thought we got on well, I do talk to her on shifts, show an interest in her and she's always been nice to me.

I noticed that a couple of staff were booking next Saturday off and asking to swap shifts, I didn't know why but now it makes sense. Yesterday I heard 4 or 5 colleagues talking about what time they're getting to the party, including one woman who's only worked here for 4 weeks yet has still been invited.
There are 3 or 4 of us that haven't, and I don't think the manager has but pretty much everyone else. The other 2 that haven't are also quiet like me so I guess that's the reason.
This person doesn't owe me an invite, it's totally up to her who she invites and I have no entitlement, I guess it just hurts a bit.

Similarly about a month ago another colleague celebrated her 30th. I wished her a happy birthday and asked if she was celebrating it that night. She just shook her head and said no. The next day a few colleagues were talking about how they'd been out last night for her birthday. Absolutely she doesn't have to invite me and it seemed like it was only a small group, but why lie.

I know most people don't go to work to make friends but in mine they certainly do. I know I just don't fit in with these people, and I'm also quiet and sadly it's just not what most people go for.
I do have a new start job which will be 50% WFH, but hoping I can still meet more like minded people when I do go in. Just waiting on a start date, these security checks take forever!
Does anybody else feel a bit like an outcast at work? Does it get you down?

Bump

I would guess that they can't invite everyone who works there because who would then be on shift?

Some people are just colleagues. Some colleagues turn into friends. It's ok for people to get on with some people and not particularly others. It's just the way life goes.

Yes I find it harder to make friends than others because I’m quiet.
However when I do occasionally make a friend it tends to be a really good one, rather than having lots of social acquaintances.

OP I’m quiet too, especially at work as I get engrossed in what I’m doing and I am not great at small talk, so I’ve often found myself in situations like this at work where I don’t get as close to my colleagues as they do to each other. I’ve made my peace with it and don’t take it personally.

Are these people you’d like to be friends with outside of work or do you just want to go to the party as you feel left out? I suppose they can’t invite everyone at work to the party because then there’d be nobody to work. I’m sure it’s not that they don’t like you they just feel closer to others at work for some reason. It is odd how someone who has only been working there four weeks got an invite though, do you think they might have known them before they started working there?

I personally think it's mean to not invite everyone, regardless of the fact that some won't be able to go because they are covering shifts.

It's hard not to take it personally, though, and feeling hurt and left out is a natural reaction. It's probably nothing to do with you having a quiet personality.

Don't change who you are to fit in. You'll find your tribe eventually. Carry on being friendly and personable to everyone.

I personally think it's mean to not invite everyone

Of course it isn't. It's not a 5 year olds all class birthday party. Adults invite their friends to their events, not random people they happen to work with.

They could have said 'come for a bit after your shift '. Our shift finishes at 10pm, the night staff start at 10. So on both sides there would have been time to go for a bit as she lives very close to the workplace.

Yes absolutely it's just part of life. It's more that I don't really feel I fit in there with anybody. The two I get on with the most are 60 so probably not interested in socialising with me outside of work (I'm 32).
I did question if that woman previously knew her before starting here but she didn't, they've just gelled very well

I would have thought that, in your sort of setting, it would be a real problem to invite everybody. You can argue that it's nice to be invited even if you can't go, but if everyone has an invite then swapping shifts isn't going to happen - or could get unpleasant: "please will you swap, because I know the party host would rather I was there than you?" It's probably easier not to be invited in the first place!

We only do short shifts so theoretically it would be possible for everybody to go, even at least for a bit. Even people working will finish at 10 so can show their faces after.

But you say yourself you aren't close. You're not friends.

there is a big difference between being excluded and not being included.

OP, I know the feeling well.

I always was part of a social circle in previous jobs, but in my current role I dont seem to click in with people - they are all younger, child free, smoke and drink. I am not quite management but I am senior, but I dont fit in with management either. People are friendly but sometimes I sit at my desk and feel really lonely. I actually considered getting a vape to start smoking again to be part of that social circle!