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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friendship reimbursement limit?

37 replies

C1N1C · 12/05/2023 08:32

The same goes for friend, neighbour, family member of course...

If they damage an item of your property, say accidentally drop your phone in a puddle, reverse into your car, knock over an heirloom etc... pure accident, no carelessness, where is your forgiveness limit?

Obviously, a good person would volunteer the compensation immediately, and you may instinctively waive it because it's not lot of money... but if it is a moderate amount, where is your "I'm sorry, but..." limit for a pretty good relationship?

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 12/05/2023 08:47

It depends, to a large extent on why they were in a position to accidentally damage my property and on relative wealth.

If they were doing me a favour, I probably wouldn’t expect them to reimburse me at all and would refuse if they offered. If I was doing them a favour I would expect them to offer to cover the entire cost regardless of how much it was, but probably wouldn’t accept if it was less then 20 quid. If they didn’t offer it would damage the friendship but I probably wouldn’t directly ask for anything if it was less than 100. If there was no favour giving involved then I’d probably ask for a contribution of it was more than 100 but it would depend a lot of circumstances.

But we might have very different ideas on what constitutes “pure accident” because I would not normally see reversing into something as “pure accident”, that is almost always carelessness.

Banditdog · 12/05/2023 08:51

I can’t really answer as I can’t imagine anyone accidentally damaging my property over and over again. More generally, I am pretty forgiving when it comes to accidents.

PegasusReturns · 12/05/2023 08:54

I cannot imagine a single circumstance where I would expect a friend to reimburse me in the event of an accident.

Phones getting dropped, cars getting bumped, glasses getting smashed, these are all part of the risk of participation in normal life.

that said if a friend smashed into my car I would expect an apology, an offer to reimburse my expenses - which would be immediately batted away. On top of that a bunch of flowers would be well received, but no I cannot imagine accepting reimbursement for an accident

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 08:58

I can't imagine any situation whereby a friend would drive into my car or drop my phone in a puddle.

ComtesseDeSpair · 12/05/2023 09:00

Years ago as students, friends and I used to have a policy of all owning Ikea wine glasses. If a friend came to your house and broke a wine glass in the process of being merry, the rule was they then had to go all the way to Ikea to buy you a new one. It made everyone a lot more careful!

But that’s the limit. Genuine accidents happen and unless somebody smashed something by genuinely dicking about, that’s why insurance exists for valuables. I’ve accidentally broken my own stuff enough times, I’m well aware it can happen to anybody.

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:26

Driving into someone isn't an accident in the true sense of the word.

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:32

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 08:58

I can't imagine any situation whereby a friend would drive into my car or drop my phone in a puddle.

Really? You don't think cars get driven into or people drop things? I'm sure you can actually imagine it, really easily, if you try.

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:32

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:26

Driving into someone isn't an accident in the true sense of the word.

How isn't it? And what do you think the truest sense of the word is?

Original poster
C1N1C · 12/05/2023 09:35

Semantics on the wird accident it seems... I just meant true accidents like a stone flicking through your patio window from a lawnmower, a door blowing open and severely denting your car... things like that.

I just mean for incidents what are 'just life' as a poster mentioned above, but where there is an attributable element, up to what limit would it be grudgingly forgiven? £100, £500, £1000...?

OP posts:
Sheepsheepeverywhere · 12/05/2023 09:37

Ds broke the new tea caddy last week. I made him cough up. £8.. But he works same as me. Why should I replace it?

wildfirewonder · 12/05/2023 09:38

Car - they pay via insurance
Phone - claim on my insurance
Window - house insurance
Dropped cup - meh
Borrowed a dress & ruined it - they replace

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:42

Depends on my ability to cover it, and theres.

If a friend/family caused 1000e worth of damage, and I couldn't afford to fix it but they could, I would definitely ask them to (I hope they would offer). If I could but they couldn't, I wouldn't ask them to.

Banditdog · 12/05/2023 09:45

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:32

Really? You don't think cars get driven into or people drop things? I'm sure you can actually imagine it, really easily, if you try.

Show quote history

I am sure precious posters knows people drop things. But actually no, I cannot imagine a scenario in which a friend would drop my phone.

Barelyable · 12/05/2023 09:48

Banditdog · 12/05/2023 09:45

I am sure precious posters knows people drop things. But actually no, I cannot imagine a scenario in which a friend would drop my phone.

Show quote history

Oh, I think if you used your imagination you could...what about if you asked a friend to pass you your phone and they accidently dropped it? Or you were showing them something on it and they waved their hand and it span across the floor? Ad Nauseum...

bellsandwhistles333 · 12/05/2023 09:48

Omg I've been bit here.... i borrowed a friends very old lawnmower as mine died mid cut and the garden looked a state.

She told me all it's quirks and faults and made it clear they really needed to replace it but it should finish the job for me. It did just about but then the motor starting smoking and it packed up. As soon as I told her she completely changed her tune and was like 'oh my husbands really angry o lent it out he wants to cut the grass next week and it needs replacing' so I had to go and buy two new lawnmowers!!

No offer for money or anything I was so angry.
On the flip side my step mother was having a party and wanted a gazebo I kindly asked my sister in law who had 2 for business if she could borrow it and she agreed. We were away that weekend but when we came home I went to collect the gazebo she had left it up for 3 days during a storm and the gazebo had ripped and torn beyond repair. The bag it all came in she had let just blow away also and was so flippant about it I was so angry and embarrassed.
Luckily my sister in law said don't worry about ot and didn't ask me to replace it

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:51

Banditdog · 12/05/2023 09:45

I am sure precious posters knows people drop things. But actually no, I cannot imagine a scenario in which a friend would drop my phone.

Show quote history

If your lack imagination to that extent, it sounds clinical. You seriously can't picture saying to someone, anyone, "pass me my phone" and them dropping it?

I think you might have Aphantasia.

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:51

I'm trying to imagine a scenario whereby someone drives into someone else.

They may not do it on purpose but to actually drive into someone else requires a human error. Eg swung onto driveway and drop into a parked car there. That's not an accident. That's bad driving.

Therefore insurance matter.

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:51

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:51

I'm trying to imagine a scenario whereby someone drives into someone else.

They may not do it on purpose but to actually drive into someone else requires a human error. Eg swung onto driveway and drop into a parked car there. That's not an accident. That's bad driving.

Therefore insurance matter.

Most accidents involve human error. What do you think the word accident means?

Quitelikeit · 12/05/2023 09:53

Why not say what it is?

£10 is my limit!!!! Is that tight? 🤣🤣 then so be it

SquigglePigs · 12/05/2023 09:53

I've had a friend drop my phone in a washing up bowl. It was an accident! Luckily we managed to dry it out and it carried on working. I'd already turned down their offer to pay if it didn't though.

Glasses get broken etc. It's just a fact of life.

In our friendship group I can't imagine asking, or being asked, to pay for something damaged in an accident (although I would offer if it was anything more substantial than a glass). Cars are a bit different because there's insurance to deal with that.

I think it could be different if money was very tight though.

I can't for a minute imagine there being a limit on when I would forgive a friend. To be honest I don't even see it as forgiving - broken things are an accident!

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:55

Accident is someone holding a glass and tripping over a loose paving stone and dropping the glass.

We could argue all day about semantics of the word Accident.

But someone driving into another car is a matter for insurance and full reimbursement. Not a shrug and sorry.

And again I can't imagine a situation whereby someone would drop someone else's phone in a puddle and then not automatically offer to pay for all it.

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 10:03

Dishwashersaurous · 12/05/2023 09:55

Accident is someone holding a glass and tripping over a loose paving stone and dropping the glass.

We could argue all day about semantics of the word Accident.

But someone driving into another car is a matter for insurance and full reimbursement. Not a shrug and sorry.

And again I can't imagine a situation whereby someone would drop someone else's phone in a puddle and then not automatically offer to pay for all it.

We don't need to argue about, its just clear that you don't really understand it.

Dropping a glass, accident. Driving a car into another car, not on purpose: also an accident. You may have heard of the term "car accident" before?

The pp didn't say they couldn't imagine someone dropping a phone in a puddle AND not offering to pay for it. They said they couldn't imagine anyone dropping a phone. Full stop.

I think if you try you can imagine someone doing it and not offering to pay....imagine they don't have any money to pay. There you go.

Simianwalk · 12/05/2023 10:04

PegasusReturns · 12/05/2023 08:54

I cannot imagine a single circumstance where I would expect a friend to reimburse me in the event of an accident.

Phones getting dropped, cars getting bumped, glasses getting smashed, these are all part of the risk of participation in normal life.

that said if a friend smashed into my car I would expect an apology, an offer to reimburse my expenses - which would be immediately batted away. On top of that a bunch of flowers would be well received, but no I cannot imagine accepting reimbursement for an accident

You must have some spare money! If our car was bashed we couldn't afford to fix it or absorb with the loss of value in not getting it fixed. A smashed glass I would ignore!

Greentree1 · 12/05/2023 10:18

Simianwalk · 12/05/2023 10:04

You must have some spare money! If our car was bashed we couldn't afford to fix it or absorb with the loss of value in not getting it fixed. A smashed glass I would ignore!

Show quote history

I thought we were talking a dink on the bumper when manoeuvring on the driveway or something, that would probably be less than the excess on your insurance so not worth claiming, not a serious crash, which would definitely go through insurance. Phones can be really expensive if you like to have the latest model so might have to come to some arrangement with that, although home insurance might cover it.

Thinkbiglittleone · 12/05/2023 10:30

OP there are so many things that can change the situation and how you would respond.

I am not sure what it would take for me not forgive a friend, but again depends on the situation.